Lickitung and Lickilicky

Lickitung
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 108
Entry: This lizard-like pokémon is most famous for its six-foot-long tongue. Its tongue is both prehensile and covered with a sticky saliva, and because of this, lickitung will use this appendage far more than its actual hands. When extending this tongue, lickitung’s tail will quiver, which has led scientists to believe that either there is a neural connection between this pokémon’s tongue and tail or the pokémon simply gets excited when using the former. Either way, this combination of traits has led certain cultures to view lickitung as a euphemism—for what, the author cannot say but highly advises readers not to Google.

Lickilicky
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 463
Entry: The evolved form of lickitung, if the subject knows Rollout. Much like its preevolved form, lickilicky relies on its highly prehensile tongue to manipulate objects around it, as opposed to its hands. However, it should be noted that lickilicky’s saliva gains anesthetic properties upon evolution, and as such, any human or smaller, non-poisonous pokémon that comes in contact with a lickilicky’s tongue will experience a sudden numbing sensation throughout their body. This is also taken as a euphemism by some cultures, and the author would like to issue an even stronger recommendation to avoid Googling why if at all possible.

Staryu and Starmie

Staryu
The Star Shape Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 120
Entry: A starfish pokémon native to warm seas. Known for being a resilient pokémon, staryu are capable of regenerating any part of its body that it loses in battle, so long as its jewel-like core remains intact. Moreover, the core functions as not only a staryu’s source of power besides the organs located at the tips of its arms but also its main form of communication, as the gem is capable of flashing in specific patterns understood only by other staryu and starmie. Thus, a staryu’s core is a fascinating organ with multiple extremely legitimate purposes and is not there “just to look pretty,” contrary to what some former gym leaders have been telling the schoolchildren of Cerulean City.

Starmie
The Mysterious Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 121
Entry: The evolved form of staryu, by exposure to water stone. In ancient times, the people of Kanto once believed that starmie were really staryu transformed by the reflection of the stars. While this has been found to be completely untrue, starmie do apparently have a connection with space. Specifically, at night, starmie have been known to lie on their backs and shoot radio signals from their jewel-like cores into the sky. While the scientific community is not in agreement with why exactly they do this, the prevailing theory is, of course, aliens.

Meditite and Medicham

Meditite
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 307
Entry: In order to heighten its spiritual and physical strength, this monkey-like pokémon undergoes rigorous training in mountainous areas. This training involves extreme methods such as meditating for hours and consuming only one berry a day. It should be noted that this sort of exercise is extremely taxing on the body and should not be undertaken by any unprepared human trainers seeking to attain enlightenment alongside their meditite partners.

Are you speaking from experience, Bill? Because to be fair, there’s a difference between this and forgoing basic physical needs to write your senior thesis. —LH

What difference would that be? —Bill

Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308
Entry: The evolved form of meditite, by battle experience. Through years of hardcore meditation and extended periods of near starvation, this pokémon is able to develop both telekinetic and aura-viewing powers. It is said that the closer it gets to spiritual enlightenment by denying itself earthly pleasures—including food—the easier it is for a medicham to view auras in the form of brilliantly colored lights.

Oh, much like you what you were experiencing by the end of finals week. I stand corrected. —LH

At least I passed. —Bill

According to our proctors, yes. According to the ER physician, no. —LH

Sandshrew and Sandslash

Sandshrew
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 27
Entry: A pangolin-like pokémon native to dry grasslands and deserts. This pokémon possesses a rough, sandy hide capable of soaking up moisture from the dirt around it as it digs its burrows. Because of the consistency of its hide—along with its unique, sponge-like ability—sandshrew don’t need to drink much water and, in fact, shy away from it in all its forms as much as possible. Except, of course, in Alola, where sandshrew have adapted to become ice and steel types for reasons that surely make sense in a region that hosts plenty of other habitats a sandshrew can congregate in.

Sandslash
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 28
Entry: The evolved form of sandshrew, by battle experience. This pokémon is covered in sharp spikes, which are actually hardened sections of its hide. These spikes serve a largely defensive purpose: when threatened, a sandshrew will curl into a ball, forcing its spikes to stand on end and discourage physical attacks. In rare cases, a sandslash may be able to spin and move while in this position, thus crashing into enemies and obstacles. Such sandslash have also been noted to be faster, slightly bluer, and somehow “cooler” than other members of its species.

Exeggcute and Exeggutor

Exeggcute
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 102
Entry: An egg-like pokémon gifted with incredible telekinetic and telepathic powers. When one egg is separated from the bunch, it can use these wondrous abilities to locate and rejoin its group. Of course, given the fact that this means each egg clearly demonstrates autonomy, one must ask why researchers never classify an individual exeggcute component as being its own pokémon. And the answer, dear reader, is pokémon is wonderful, aren’t they?

Exeggutor
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone. This palm tree-like pokémon originated in the tropics, and much of its behavior reflects this. It perks up most during sunny weather, when it’s able to collect sunlight in its coconut heads and grow. Such growth tends to be steady everywhere but Alola, where the abundant sun causes the energy somehow mutates exeggutor into long-necked dragon-type creatures. One may be wondering how it gains the dragon-type of all possible elements, never mind why it mutates in the region of Alola only, but the answer to this, dear reader, is that pokémon are indeed wonderful, majestic beings.

Swablu and Altaria

Swablu
The Cotton Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 333
Entry: A small, bluebird-like pokémon most commonly found in the mountains of Hoenn. This gentle pokémon is known for its highly friendly demeanor towards humans. When a human wanders into their territory, swablu like to swoop in and settle onto the human’s head like a hat made of down and soft, pillowy cotton. This specific behavior is likely due to the swablu’s preference for soft, pliable building materials for their nests, so therefore, it is said that if a swablu settles on you, then it deems you both trustworthy and comfortable. If, however, two swablu settle on you and proceed to lay eggs on your head, then they deem you extremely trustworthy and comfortable. Or at least this is what the author’s partner and editor assured him when he suddenly found himself with an entire team of swablu.

Altaria
The Humming Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Official Registration #: 334
Entry: The evolved form of swablu, by battle experience. This graceful pokémon is known for its singing ability and its soft, cloud-like wings. When bonding with its trainer, an altaria will envelope said trainer in its wings and sing a beautiful, soothing melody to lull them to sleep. Or, at least, scientists assume this is an act of bonding and that any unfortunate mishaps involving dense wings and songs that lull a human to sleep are entirely accidental. This is also something the author’s editor (or, rather, her sister) assures him whenever her altaria shows “displays of affection” and “excitement to see him.”

Skarmory

Skarmory
The Armor Bird Pokémon
Type: Steel/Flying
Official Registration #: 227
Entry: A predatory bird pokémon native to mountainous regions. This fierce raptor nests primarily in brambles, using the thorns to protect its chicks. As the hatchlings grow, the thorns scratch their wings, and the resulting scar tissue eventually hardens into a full set of metal armor that make skarmory difficult to take down. Adding to this defensive advantage, despite the weight of its own skin, skarmory is still one of the fastest bird-like pokémon in existence, clocking in at a top speed of over 180 miles per hour as it swoops in to snatch prey from crags. In short, it is, in every way, designed to be the perfect predator, which is why the mountainous areas of Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, and Kalos are dangerous to traverse and ill-advised for the unprepared trainer. However, despite the dangers skarmory pose towards unwary travelers, the skarmory that nest just outside of Fallarbor Town, Hoenn, live in fear of the one creature far fiercer and more terrifying than even the toughest, most battle-hardened skarmory alive: the editor of this blog.

I maintain a perfect battle record against skarmory. 🙂 —LH

It’s the smiley that terrifies me the most. —Bill

Tropius

Tropius
The Fruit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 357
Entry: A winged, dinosaur-like pokémon native to tropical jungles. Although tropius is an herbivore with a highly varied diet of plants and fruits, its favored food is the banana, which it eats in so much of an abundance that it begins to grow the fruit on its neck. This fruit is perfectly edible and identical to bananas in every way, and in some island nations, human children are known to climb tropius’s back to pick and eat its bananas. The tropius itself does not seem to mind; it is known for doing the same to its fellow tropius. In other words, the less one thinks about tropius and its dietary habits, the better, very likely.

Doduo and Dodrio

Author’s Note: Due to the editor deciding that “just because you answered a string of questions last night doesn’t mean you should end it with a sarcastic response” and that the author should “think of the readers and the poor woman I’ve hired as a PR consultant,” the author has been asked to do an entry that will, hopefully, better explain dodrio flight. And by “asked,” he actually means “ordered under threat of being shown a marathon of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants episodes.”

Doduo
The Twin Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 84
Entry: Despite its designation as a partial flying-type, doduo lack developed wings and therefore cannot fly for extended periods of time. Instead, it runs using its powerful legs. These legs are so well-developed and powerful that they enable doduo to reach speeds of up to sixty miles per hour, which in turn make it one of the fastest non-evolved land pokémon in existence. At these speeds, its two heads are highly useful for, appropriately enough, two reasons. First, by bobbing its heads back and forth in an alternating motion, doduo is able to maintain its balance. Second, because each head is always looking out for the other and because both heads are connected telepathically, one head can easily tell the other, “You’re about to run us headlong into a boulder, you absolute tool.” [Note: This is, at the very least, an approximation of what a doduo might say, based on psychic scans of a doduo running headlong into a boulder.]

Dodrio
The Triple Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 85
Entry: The evolved form of doduo, by battle experience. Upon evolution, doduo’s body reforms so that it possesses three of not only heads but several other organs, some of which the author cannot list in polite company. While this increases the resulting dodrio’s running endurance, it decreases its top speed. However, although dodrio is no longer capable of running as quickly as its predecessor, it makes up for it with an alternate means of transportation. Namely, while many people assume just by looking at a dodrio lacks wings, what few people realize is that the brown fluff surrounding its entire body are its wings, folded up. When unfurled, dodrio possesses a pair of wings so large and majestic that it dwarfs the wingspans of many of its fellow bird pokémon.

Bill, I explicitly told you not to give yet another sarcastic response to the question about how dodrio can fly. —LH

Actually, this one isn’t sarcastic. Their wings are actually more impressive than Ho-oh’s. —Bill

…okay, that’s it, you’re going to spend the rest of the evening with Binaclebob. —LH

Mienfoo and Mienshao

Mienfoo
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 619
Entry: In terms of power, this small, ermine-like pokémon is far outclassed by practically every fighting-type in existence. However, it makes up for its lack of power by its speed and skill, both of which enable it to execute complex, devastating strategies faster than the average machop can throw a punch. This is, in short, one of those extremely rare times when “what it lacks in strength it makes up for with skill” when applied to a diminutive, adorable, mascot-like creature is both true and something to be taken seriously.

Mienshao
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 620
Entry: The evolved form of mienfoo, by battle experience. While it retains many of the flowing, masterful techniques it knew as a mienfoo, mienshao also gains long, whip-like locks of fur on its arms, which it uses to whip opponents with quick, strong, devastating motions. Incidentally, contrary to what certain types of media and the Sinnohan administrator may lead you to believe, being whipped by soft fur is far less pleasant than it looks.