Klefki

Klefki
The Key Ring Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fairy
Official Registration #: 707
Entry: This sentient key ring pokémon never lets go of any key it finds. It is thus valued among the people of its native Kalos as a means to keep important keys—such as those to safes, vaults, and one’s home—safe, but at the same time, it is also a fantastically dangerous pokémon around keys one would like to keep on their own person … such as those to the second motorbike one obtains from a specific rental company, following the destruction of the first one.

Corsola

Corsola
The Coral Pokémon
Type: Water/Rock
Official Registration #: 222
Entry: A vibrantly colored coral-like pokémon that dwells in warm, shallow seas. Although this pokémon can be highly mobile, it prefers congregating into massive colonies not far from sandy, warm beaches and staying there. This behavior is so well-known that humans feel perfectly safe building entire communities atop corsola forests, and pokémon frequently make nests in corsola’s sturdy horns. However, due to rising ocean temperatures, corsola’s normally brilliant colors have been fading, and its normally sturdy arms—which shed naturally at a rate of once per year—have begun shedding more frequently every year. All of these signs are key indicators of an oncoming drop in corsola populations as corsola devote more time and energy to self-preservation than breeding. Or, at least, this is what scientific experts say. According to Unovan politicians, meanwhile, the weather changes all the time, and corsola are known for being lazy pokémon that have absolutely no overall impact on our ecology, so what’s a few corsola, anyway?

Smeargle

Smeargle
The Painter Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 235
Entry: A rare hound pokémon found only in certain parts of Kalos and Johto. Special paint-like fluids leak from the bushy tip of this pokémon’s tail, which it then uses to (literally) mark whatever it claims as its territory. This technique is an effective form of territorial marking, as not only is the specific hue of this paint unique enough to each smeargle to allow one to identify a specimen just by the color of their paint, but also, this ink is highly difficult to remove from surfaces … including clothing and skin. Trainers and researchers—particularly the latter—should take caution when handling an excited or territorial smeargle.

Sigilyph

Sigilyph
The Avianoid Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Flying
Official Registration #: 561
Entry: This strange, telekinetic pokémon is said to be the guardian of ancient cities. As such, it is frequently found patrolling specific areas that once housed sites that were important to ancient Unovan culture. If an intruder is found on these grounds, it will attack viciously using beams of psychic energy and its telekinetic powers. Perhaps it should go without saying, but sigilyph make absolutely no distinction between humans who are trespassing with malicious intent and completely innocuous human researchers who happen to be fantastically curious about rumors concerning Unovan ruins and certain extremely rare and powerful insectoid pokémon. That is to say, take caution if you choose to enter sigilyph territory, as sigilyph are both impulsive when it comes to attacking and perfectly capable of chasing one across miles of Unovan desert.

Hello Bill! I went through the entire database you have posted here (I love your work by the way!) and I have come across the realization that you do not have an entry for the fabled Pokemon Kyurem. I have heard it can easily generate freezing cold temperatures and is said to be vicious, so if you go to investigate, be careful! Be sure to post your findings as well.

Thank you!

It’s very true that I have yet to cover many of the Unovan legendaries, and I do agree that the legend of Kyurem is especially fascinating. However, I must say that it would hardly do the legend justice to cover only Kyurem and not the other two dragons associated with the story, so without further ado, the dragons of Unova:

Reshiram
The Vast White Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Fire
Official Registration #: 643
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Reshiram flew across the region on feathery, white wings and wielded powerful flames to fight in the name of truth. According to Unovan memes, however, the most interesting aspects of Reshiram are its species name and the pointed organ between its hind legs, and because of this unfortunately placed interest, this blog’s staff finds it necessary to clarify that the name “Vast White” refers to Reshiram’s height, the organ between its hind legs is a set of feathers that assists in navigation, and the author is immensely disappointed in anyone who assumes otherwise for any of this.

Zekrom
The Deep Black Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Electric
Official Registration #: 644
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Zekrom flew across the region on leathery, black wings and wielded powerful bolts of electricity to fight in the name of ideals. More specifically, Zekrom sided with anyone who sought an ideal world by hiding in anvil clouds and striking the earth or its trainer’s opponents with lightning. Because nothing says “Unovan” quite like establishing your concept of an ideal world via liberal application of excessive force, preferably from above.

Kyurem
The Boundary Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ice
Official Registration #: 646
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Kyurem fell to Earth thousands of years ago, and in the process, the energy contained within its body split in two and evacuated to form Reshiram and Zekrom. In the absence of both its thirst for truth and passion for ideals, Kyurem became an icy shell: empty within, save for the power to exude supercold air capable of freezing anything within a mile radius of itself. In other words, Kyurem is a hollow being, devoid of all its hopes and dreams but in possession of an icy heart—which, in other words, means that this pokémon is a rather accurate depiction of adulthood.

Tentacool and Tentacruel

Tentacool
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 72
Entry: A jellyfish pokémon endemic to the seas of practically every region. The tentacle-like stingers of this pokémon can reach lengths of up to 120 feet, depending on the specific subspecies of tentacool. However, each subspecies has its own average length, making determining the size of the average tentacool rather difficult. What is shared between all subspecies of tentacool, however, is what each of them use their stingers for: ensnaring literal prey … as well as ensnaring metaphorical prey in exactly the way the Sinnohan administrator thinks, for once. It is thus not recommended to bathe with your tame tentacool—which is strangely a warning that has been deemed necessary to share, thanks to certain incidents within the Pokémon Fan Club.

Tentacruel
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 73
Entry: The evolved form of tentacool, by battle experience. Because it possesses over eighty tentacles, tentacruel pares down its limbs to avoid knotting, unlike its preevolved form. None of that prior sentence is a euphemism, oddly enough, but saying it enjoys whipping and ensnaring potential prey … can be. Do not bathe with this pokémon either.

Dunsparce

Dunsparce
The Land Snake Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 206
Entry: A large, serpentine pokémon native to the cave systems of Johto. The wings on its back are more of a safety measure, allowing dunsparce to control its fall, should it drill its way into the roof of an existing cavern or other steep drop. This is necessary, as its drill is located on its tail, and thus, it cannot watch where it’s going as it burrows deep into the ground (which, incidentally, explains why its nests are maze-like). Given the shape of this pokémon, it should be noted that, no, again, dunsparce is not a phallic object, and its burrowing habits are not a metaphor … regardless of any form of Johtonian slang involving this pokémon’s species name and certain parts of the male anatomy that may imply otherwise.

The Rhyhorn Line

Rhyhorn
The Spikes Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 111
Entry: This rhinoceros-like pokémon possesses a hefty body reinforced by a rock-like hide. Due to its weight and durability, the average rhyhorn is capable of inflicting a devastating amount of damage. However, this ability, combined with its bulk and relative lack of intelligence, mean stampedes of this pokémon can be incredibly dangerous or even deadly, as once it begins to charge, it finds it difficult to turn or prevent itself from plowing into and destroying anything in its path. So naturally, Kaloseans have developed rhyhorn racing, a sport in which human riders spur rhyhorn forward at each specimen’s topmost speed along a winding track, likely because when your culture is built upon centuries of war and death, your residents end up with unfortunate judgment.

Bill, your home region’s culture was built upon centuries of war and death. —LH

Yes, well, look at Johto’s reputation. —Bill

Okay, fair point. —LH

Rhydon
The Drill Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 112
Entry: The evolved form of rhyhorn, by battle experience. Upon evolution, this pokémon rises to its hind feet. This gives it the ability to use its hands for stability, allowing it to brace itself against walls or its opponent as it drills. Additionally, the drill on its head is said to be harder than diamond and capable of punching holes into virtually anything, including solid bedrock. It should be noted that although the horns of male rhyhorn are longer than those of the female, they are not phallic objects either, Bebe.

Rhyperior
The Drill Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 464
Entry: The evolved form of rhydon, via trading if the subject has had a protector applied to it. This tank-like pokémon can withstand the heat and force of a volcanic eruption, and its cannon-like arms are capable of shooting rocks the size of geodude. These rocks are not produced by the rhyperior (unlike the rocks of many other rock-types’ attacks) but are, rather, picked up from the ground and inserted into the holes in its palms. In rare cases, rhyperior may pick up actual geodude and use them as ammunition. Given the image of a pokémon inserting a living or otherwise foreign object into a hole within its body, it should be noted that this is neither a euphemism, nor is it particularly pleasant for the geodude involved.

The Machop Line

Machop
The Superpower Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 66
Entry: A short, humanoid pokémon native to the mountains of Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn. Although machop is small and slight, do not be deceived: it possesses super strength and trains itself by lifting multiple geodude for hours each day. Moreover, it is a natural at martial arts and is capable of mastering multiple forms shortly after hatching. All of this, of course, is exactly what researchers tell one another to reassure themselves that getting beaten into a broken pulp by a pokémon the size and stature of a toddler is perfectly explainable by science and has absolutely nothing to do with the researcher’s own physical prowess.

Machoke
The Superpower Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 67
Entry: The evolved form of machop, by battle experience. Machoke are, in general, highly proud of their muscles, which are toned to the point where each one possesses the hardness of steel. The average machoke enjoys showing off these muscles and the strength associated with them, and as such, machoke are happiest when performing any job that requires manual labor around humans or other pokémon. Given that this is a well-toned, humanoid creature that may be captured and tamed by humans for the express purpose of lifting things, it should be worth it to note that its desire to show off is completely innocent and has nothing to do with whatever the Sinnohan administrator may be thinking. Furthermore, it is worth it to remind her that pokémon-human relations are generally frowned upon in most cultures for a reason.

Machamp
The Superpower Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 68
Entry: The evolved form of machoke, via trading. A master of every form of martial arts in existence, machamp possesses four arms that are capable of firing over 1000 punches in two seconds, lift passenger jets with ease, and throw an adult man over the horizon. According to the Sinnohan administrator, machamp is also “pretty bara for a pokémon.” The author is not entirely sure what this means, but given the other things the Sinnohan storage system administrator has said about pokémon lately, he is inclined to say no, it is not.

The Beldum Line

Beldum
The Iron Ball Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 374
Entry: A magnetic pokémon rare in but native to the mountains of Hoenn and Sinnoh. It uses its magnetism to move and communicate with other beldum, both of which are essential to it, as its movepool is limited. More specifically, until evolution, beldum only learn one move naturally: Take Down, a devastating physical move in which it rams itself into its opponent, dealing damage to both itself and its target. As an aside, given the shape of this pokémon and the aforementioned fact, it is worth it to note that “rams itself into its opponent” is also not a euphemism, Bebe, and quite frankly, the author is horrified by the fact that anyone thinks it would be.

Metang
The Iron Claw Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 375
Entry: The evolved form of beldum, by battle experience. When two beldum become very close, their magnetism draws them closer together until they fuse at the head to form a larger, faster, and stronger pokémon gifted with a higher sense of enlightenment and intelligence. To answer Bebe’s question, no, this is not a metaphor, nor is this an accurate description of how certain organs the author and people like him would work during any sort of biological function outside of terribly written and highly bizarre slash fanfiction.

Metagross
The Iron Leg Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 376
Entry: The evolved form of metagross, by battle experience. Much akin to beldum evolution, metagross form when two metang fuse. The resulting pokémon is not only physically and magically powerful (in that it is capable of launching both devastating physical attacks and devastating psychic attacks) but also highly intelligent. The combined brains of the constituent metang work in unison, allowing the metagross’s brain as a whole to function as a highly efficient supercomputer. …This, of course, is what makes metagross interesting, not the first thing in this entry, yet the author’s Sinnohan colleague is writing the fanfiction anyway.