Buneary and Lopunny

bills-pokedex:

Buneary
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 427
Entry: A foot-tall, rabbit-like pokémon native to temperate forests. It’s easy to determine the mood of a buneary by its body language, particularly regarding its ears. If its ears are relaxed and extended (particularly if this is coupled with a “flop,” or an act in which the buneary dramatically flips onto its side), then the buneary feels safe, loved, and relaxed, and it’s fine to engage with it. If, however, the buneary is tense, drawing its entire body up into a ball, and curling its ears, then it feels threatened, and a human should approach with caution. Certainly, it may seem odd that the author would advise caution when approaching anything so small and adorable, but it’s worth it to note that buneary are capable of extending their ears in lightning-fast punches capable of shattering boulders … and that the human nose and jaw are far, far less resilient than a boulder.

Lopunny
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 428
Entry: The evolved form of buneary, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. This tall, slender rabbit pokémon has delicate, sensitive ears and long, powerful legs. If one touches their ears, lopunny will lash out with strong kicks. Additionally, these pokémon are cautious to the extreme, and they will often hide behind their long, elegant ears when they sense danger. Between the length of their legs and the sensuous poses they need to strike in order to hide themselves behind their ears, the author would like to take this particular moment to remind his readers that lopunny are rabbit-like pokémon and that if this doesn’t change the thought processes of those of you who know who they are, the author would prefer it if you didn’t tell him.

Mega Lopunny
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fighting
Official Registration #: 428+
Entry: The advanced form of lopunny, via lopunnite. Mega evolution doesn’t just imbue lopunny with an affinity for the fighting element; it also causes lopunny’s personality to change drastically. Whereas lopunny’s base form tends to be shy and docile unless cornered, mega lopunny is extremely combative and aggressive, known for beating any opponent within reach with either its long, whip-like ears or its equally long, extremely strong legs. There are a number of theories as to why mega evolution causes lopunny’s personality to change in this manner, but frankly, the author is particularly fond of the one that has to do with the entry for its base form listed above.

Riolu and Lucario

bills-pokedex:

Riolu
The Emanation Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 447
Entry: Riolu have the ability to read the emotions of others as well as communicate its own emotions via aura. Yet it is a fighting-type, the single most likely type to engage in physical combat and thus the most likely type to endure great physical injury. For this reason, the riolu’s empathic abilities may be among the most counterproductive powers among the pokémon kingdom. However, at the very least, it should be a comfort for riolu trainers to know that the state will typically pay for any service a Nurse Joy provides, including mental counseling as a result of being in close proximity to a fighting-type that translates its pain into horrific light patterns.

Lucario
The Aura Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Steel
Official Registration #: 448
Entry: The evolved form of riolu, in response to both levels of sunlight and closeness with its trainer. Well-trained lucario have the abilities to sense the aura of all living things, understand human speech, read the thoughts and emotions of those whose auras they sense, channel aura into projectiles and weapons, execute extraordinary feats of physical prowess, and roll over and play dead for biscuits. This is why lucario are the second most popular pokémon on any given video sharing website, next to the members of the skitty line.

Mega Lucario
The Aura Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Steel
Official Registration #: 448+
Entry: The advanced form of lucario, via lucarionite. Upon mega evolution, lucario’s aura-based powers increase in potency. In proportion to this, this pokémon’s aura-sensing appendages on either side of its head increase in length, separate, and move seemingly at will in ways that many people liken to tentacles. Consequently, with the combination of its tentacle-like, aura-sensing appendages and its bipedal, dog-like form, mega lucario has become popular in many internet-based fan circles … namely because it’s even more amusing when it rolls over and plays dead for biscuits. (Honestly, readers, what were you thinking I was referring to?)

Pikachu

bills-pokedex:

Pichu
The Tiny Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 172
Entry: Trainers take caution—although cute and the first stage in a line of formidable battlers, pichu do not have a full mastery over their electrical powers until evolution. This is not to say that they aren’t that strong. On the contrary: they have the ability to generate voltages on par with their evolved forms. What they cannot do is avoid releasing said voltage when startled, happy, or simply standing in an empty room doing absolutely nothing, and suffice to say, this is why many of the reports of electrocution among Johtonians have to do with this very pokémon.

Pikachu
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 25
Entry: The evolved form of pichu, in response to closeness with its trainer. Due to its adorable appearance, its intelligence, and its penchant for doing tricks for treats, pikachu has become an extremely popular choice for a pet. However, should you wish to keep one, never forget that pikachu are still potentially dangerous electric rodents. This is not just a note concerning its ability to generate thousands of volts of electricity, nor is it simply a warning concerning its tendency to release electricity during thunderstorms or upon waking up each morning. It is also a note that this rodent can and will chew through wires if left unattended, and chargers compatible with Leppa-brand laptops run anywhere from ¥3500 to ¥9400 each.

Raichu
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 26
Entry: The evolved form of pikachu, by exposure to thunder stone. A raichu’s tail acts as its grounding wire. When a raichu stores too much electricity in its electrical sacs, it plants its tail and discharges electricity directly into the ground. This is vital to the well-being of an individual raichu, as not only do they gather electricity from their surroundings, but they also grow increasingly aggressive as their electrical stores grow. In that sense, a raichu is much like a drunken relative on Christmas, the sort who gets increasingly offensive the more alcohol he consumes until he needs to be escorted to a safe room to discharge a long and barely intelligible rant. …Not that this writer has seen his father do any of this at any point in his life.

Raichu (Alola form)
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric/Psychic
Official Registration #: 26
Entry: The evolved form of pikachu, by exposure to thunder stone within the region of Alola. It’s said that the catalyst that enables a pikachu to attain this rounder, more spiritually-inclined form upon evolution is the consumption of Alolan pancakes, which are fluffier and spicier than any other pancake in the world. If this seems at all ridiculous to you, reader, then clearly, you have yet to try Alolan pancakes. They are, in the author’s opinion, an experience.

For the record, Bill is referring to literal pancakes. —LH

Of course. The figurative sort of pancake people from Goldenrod know about is the Unovan pancake, which, I assure you, I have never tried. —Bill

Well, that’s shocking. —LH

…no pun intended, oh my God, Bill. —LH

Zeraora

Zeraora
The Thunderclap Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 807
Entry: Although it isn’t actually the god or guardian of anything, unlike many other legendary beings, it is still renowned for both its power and viciousness. It is known for lunging at opponents from seemingly nowhere at blinding speeds, wreathed in lightning, to utterly eviscerate its targets with a combination of lightning-fast hand-to-hand combat techniques, mystical powers, and sheer brute force. Yet despite the amount of violence it displays, it still has gained a mass of devoted fans throughout the world, seemingly overnight.

Now that the author has gotten that lengthy and unsolicited tangent about half the cast of Rayquazaball Z off his chest, Zeraora is an aggressive, cat-like mythical pokémon supposedly native to the region of Alola.

Rockruff and Lycanroc

bills-pokedex:

Rockruff
The Puppy Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 744
Entry: Thought to be the cousin of growlithe, this small, puppy-like pokémon possesses very much the same disposition. It is highly loyal, and it’s very fond of humans. As such, it’s considered one of the easier pokémon for beginning trainers to start off with, as its loyal and agreeable disposition make it easy to teach rockruff new tricks. For this reason, rockruff is also generally considered to be a Good Dog.

Lycanroc (Midday Form)
The Wolf Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 745
Entry: The evolved form of rockruff, by battle experience, if trained during the day. Exposing rockruff to sunlight during its evolution causes it to evolve into a quadrupedal form of lycanroc. This form retains a lot of the same loyalty and agreeable disposition as its preevolved form, and as such, this pokémon is considered to be a stalwart battler and excellent companion. However, be warned: while it normally uses the sharp rocks around its collar as weapons, some retain the tendency to rub these rocks against their trainers as a form of affection. Considering the fact that these rocks can grow to be a foot long and roughly as sharp as knives, this may result in unfortunate mishaps. Nonetheless, this form of lycanroc is still generally considered to be a Good Dog.

Lycanroc (Midnight Form)
The Wolf Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 745
Entry: The evolved form of rockruff, by battle experience, if trained during the night. Allowing rockruff to evolve under the cover of night causes it to assume a more violent, impulsive form. While this form of lycanroc loses its rocky collar, it gains a hard head, which it uses to smash its opponents into submission after it goads them into attacking. Well aware of its boots in power, midnight lycanroc actively seeks opponents and will attack without being ordered to, rendering this form of lycanroc highly difficult to tame and train. However, despite the comparative difficulties of training this form (as opposed to rockruff or midday lycanroc), midnight lycanroc is not considered to be a Bad Dog but rather a Not Quite Great But Still Pretty All Right Dog.

Lycanroc (Dusk Form)
The Wolf Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 745
Entry: The evolved form of rockruff, by battle experience, if trained at dusk (if the subject’s ability is Own Tempo). When exposed to the fading light of dusk, some rockruff may evolve into a quadrupedal form that is, in many ways, the midpoint between midnight and midday lycanroc. Not only is it physically very much like a midpoint between these two forms (quadrupedal like the midday form but also covered with spikes similar to midnight’s), but also, its disposition is a rather unpredictable mix of midday’s calmness and midnight’s aggression. Yet despite this, lycanroc’s dusk form is not known for being a Good Dog or a Bad Dog or even a Not Quite Great But Still Pretty All Right Dog. Instead, it’s known for being a Cheeto Dog … because of its orange pelt. Because that’s just how the internet works.

UB Burst: Blacephalon

Blacephalon
The Fireworks Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ghost
Official Registration #: 806
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. This clown-like Ultra Beast is known for slithering up to opponents and, once within extremely close range, detonates its own head in an explosion designed to stun a victim, if not do incredible damage to them. Although one would think its colorful and eccentric appearance would make it difficult for a blacephalon to engage in any manner of stealth, in truth, it more than makes up for it through its lankiness, flexibility, and general agility. These three things, in conjunction with its colorful and eccentric appearance, also apparently make it popular among certain crowds on certain social media websites for reasons that aren’t entirely lost on the author, though he would appreciate any moment in which he wouldn’t have to think about them.

UB Assembly: Stakataka

Stakataka
The Rampart Pokémon
Type: Rock/Steel
Official Registration #: 805
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Although scientists consider it to be the heaviest known rock-type, it’s actually a colonial organism consisting of dozens if not hundreds of individual brick-like creatures stacked one on top of the other. However, the specific configuration they create maximizes their defensive potential, allowing them to withstand the toughest of blows and still stand tall and strong. For this reason, the author is told, it is often paired with gumshoos … although the relevance of any of this to gumshoos is, frankly, lost on the author.

Houndour and Houndoom

bills-pokedex:

Houndour
The Dark Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fire
Official Registration #: 228
Entry: A small, dog-like pokémon native to thick, dark forests. Interestingly, although this pokémon is part of the Johtonian Regional Pokédex, it was first discovered in Kanto and cannot, in truth, be found at all in Johto outside of the Johtonian Safari Zone Nature Preserve. The reason behind this discrepancy is actually quite simple. Houndour hunt in massive packs through the darkness of their native forests, where their pelts can blend in with forest shadows as they corner prey, and Kantonian researchers possess far stronger self-preservation instincts than their Johtonian counterparts.

Houndoom
The Dark Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fire
Official Registration #: 229
Entry: The evolved form of houndour, by battle experience. This dog-like pokémon is capable of exhaling a jet of fire and a spray of incendiary, highly caustic, toxic chemicals at the same time. The effect of these two mechanisms in combination leaves not only second-degree thermal burns (at the minimum) but severe chemical burns as well. According to folklore, anyone unfortunate enough to receive these burns will never fully recover; the burn will essentially be painful forever. However, this is not necessarily true. With proper care, the pain will typically subside within a week, and the resulting scar will fade within a year. On the other hand, not necessarily true isn’t the same thing as entirely false. First, one must remember that centuries ago, back when people first began to think this about houndoom burns, treatments for burns that complex or severe didn’t exist. Second, psychological pain is never a thing that heals easily, and some survivors of houndoom attacks may acquire a fear of houndoom thereafter. Third, either way, being burned by a houndoom feels just about as delightful as being attacked by a swarm of angry magikarp, and based on personal experience alone, the author would not recommend it.

Mega Houndoom
The Dark Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fire
Official Registration #: 229+
Entry: The advanced form of houndoom, via houndoominite. This pokémon is actually a “good fire doggo.” The internet was surprisingly correct about this one, and there’s not much more to say concerning it beyond that.

The Mudkip Line

bills-pokedex:

Mudkip
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 258
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. A small, amphibious pokémon native to Hoennian rivers. It uses its large head fin to sense the flow of water and its large back fin to propel itself through turbulent currents with surprising power for its size. Likewise, the large gills on its cheek allow it to breathe even in the murkiest, muddiest depths, and its physical strength alone allows it to pick up and push boulders along river bottoms. In general, mudkip is a fascinating pokémon, and this is because the species itself carries a number of interesting qualities, not because someone “herd u liek it.”

Marshtomp
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 259
Entry: The evolved form of mudkip, by battle experience. An amphibious pokémon primarily native to rivers and banks, marshtomp had to develop strong, bulky legs to compensate for the fact that its habitat lacks stable footing. Thus, marshtomp is capable of literally standing through even the fiercest earthquakes, the likes of which routinely plague its volcanic home region of Hoenn. A less composed young researcher would likely say that marshtomp has had the foresight to “not skip leg day,” but luckily, the writer is not the storage system administrator of Sinnoh.

Swampert
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 260
Entry: The evolved form of marshtomp, by battle experience. Never let its seemingly cute species name fool you. In actuality, swampert is a four-foot-tall mass of pure, sea-tempered muscle. It is powerful enough to tow ships to shore, rend boulders in two with one swipe of its bulky arms, swim against the current of stormy waves, dive to the depths of the Hoennian sea, and spew jets of water that can tear holes in the hull of the ships it had towed to shore at the beginning of this list. About the only thing cute about it is the fact that it still wears a perpetual grin and enjoys belly rubs and literally sucking down insect prey, just like its ancestral cousin, quagsire.

Mega Swampert
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 260+
Entry: The advanced form of swampert, via swampertite. Mega swampert is the only starter that doesn’t change drastically in terms of physiology or elemental affinity upon mega evolution. It simply becomes more muscular and adept at punching things … which is why it’s perhaps a bad idea to imply its mega evolution isn’t as interesting as its peers’ while it’s within earshot.

The Treecko Line

bills-pokedex:

Treecko
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 252
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. This small gecko pokémon is famous for its calm disposition, which makes it an ideal partner for a beginning trainer. It is said that absolutely nothing shakes it, not even the rage of a forest fire. This, of course, is not entirely true. The calm demeanor it displays at all times actually hides abject panic and other extreme forms of emotion … which, given the fact that trainers routinely and happily face danger on a daily basis without so much as a frown, still makes treecko an ideal partner for a beginning trainer.

Grovyle
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 253
Entry: The evolved form of treecko, by battle experience. Grovyle is noted for its nimbleness. Well-adapted to its native jungle environments, it can skitter up trees and jump from branch to branch with an unrivaled swiftness, making it difficult for pursuers to keep up with it. It should be noted that these pursuers, of course, may include trainers who mistake their calm demeanor during their treecko stage as consent to subject it to extreme stress.

Sceptile
The Forest Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 254
Entry: The evolved form of grovyle, by battle experience. In Hoennian lore, sceptile are traditionally seen as forest guardians. Not only are their jungle combat skills completely unrivaled in the pokémon world (due to both its surprising agility and the sharp leaf blades on its arms), but also, the bulbs on their backs contain seeds that they can plant in order to revitalize parts of their forest homes. It should also be noted that this image of sceptile as a jungle guardian is perhaps only helped by the fact that the aforementioned bulbs explode in order to release the seeds within, yet sceptile, much like its original treecko form, take the violent bursting of parts of their body without even flinching. Needless to say, the disinclination to fight a creature that refuses to show pain is something of a survival adaptation for the rest of the forest.

Mega Sceptile
The Forest Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dragon
Official Registration #: 254+
Entry: The advanced form of sceptile, via sceptilite. As mega sceptile, this pokémon is imbued with the ability to detach its lengthy tail as a form of self-defense. Actually, many lizard pokémon possess this ability; it’s just that mega sceptile is the only one for whom this also entails (forgive the pun) seizing the detached limb and stabbing its attacker with it.