The Chespin Line

Chespin
The Spiny Nut Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 650
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. Also a small, rodent-like pokémon native to the thick forests of the aforementioned region. Although this pokémon’s spines are normally soft and pleasant to touch, it can tense them at any time into points that are capable of piercing into solid rock. Thus, regardless of how cute and tame a chespin may look, it is somewhat ill-advised to pet this pokémon.

Quilladin
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 651
Entry: The evolved form of chespin, by battle experience. A hardy but peaceful pokémon, quilladin prefer not to fight, but if they do, they can easily protect themselves using their hardened wood armor, which boasts a weight and sturdiness comparable to the quebracho tree family. Supposedly, in rare cases, quilladin are capable of forming wooden armor hard enough to resist bullets, but testing whether or not your quilladin is capable of this is also somewhat ill-advised.

Chesnaught
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fighting
Official Registration #: 652
Entry: The evolved form of quilladin, by battle experience. Valued among trainers for their unrivaled physical defensive abilities, chesnaught support enough bulk to overturn a tank with one Tackle, as well as armor hard enough to withstand an electrode’s Explosion. As a side note, attacking your chesnaught with a tank or detonating an electrode right beside it in order to test its defensive capabilities is also somewhat ill-advised.

The Oshawott Line

Oshawott
The Sea Otter Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 501
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. A small but tenacious otter pokémon, oshawott quickly attacks using the scalchop it normally stores on its stomach. According to the Unovan pokédex, this scalchop is made of the same elements as claws … which means absolutely nothing because a lot of things in the natural world are made of the same elements as claws.

Dewott
The Discipline Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 502
Entry: The evolved form of oshawott, by battle experience. True to its species, dewott trains endlessly in order to master sword-like techniques with its dual scalchops. There are many interpretations as to why dewott do this. Some researchers note that the scalchop is a difficult weapon to master, so dewott compensate for this with elaborate swordplay styles unique to each individual specimen. Others say dewott are secretly training to avenge their fallen masters, to which the first group of researchers will often respond by telling the second to stop watching terrible kung fu movies and that their tastes in film is questionable at best. The author, of course, wishes to respectfully disagree by informing his editor that kung fu films are an art form, thank you.

Samurott
The Formidable Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 503
Entry: The evolved form of dewott, by battle experience. A master of katana-like swordplay, samurott engage in battle by unleashing an intimidating cry, followed by a vicious, lightning-fast attack with its seamitars, or the blades attached to the front legs of its armor. Not only can samurott unsheathe these blades with incredible speed and dexterity, but they are also capable of dual-wielding both of their seamitars at once … which is itself impressive for a pokémon that requires four legs to stand.

The Tepig Line

Tepig
The Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 498
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. Noted for its adorable appearance and equally adorable proclivity for exhaling fireballs from its distinctive nose when excited, tepig are not only a popular pet in Unova but also a popular subject in children’s books set in the Unovan countryside. However, because of its proclivity for exhaling fireballs from its distinctive nose when excited, attempting to make live action films of the aforementioned children’s book has frequently been met with disaster.

Pignite
The Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 497
Entry: The evolved form of tepig, by battle experience. A hardy and aggressive pokémon, pignite is capable of launching devastating, full-body attacks. In order to fuel these attacks, pignite often consumes whatever is within reach, regardless of whether or not it is actually edible to most other pokémon. It should go without saying that it is a good idea to keep all hands, limbs, clothing, wallets, and valuable research equipment out of reach of this pokémon at all times.

Emboar
The Mega Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 500
Entry: The evolved form of pignite, by battle experience. A master of hand-to-hand combat, emboar possess the power to set their chins ablaze with a full beard of fire. This beard can then be used to set its fists on fire for devastating punches and palm strikes, consume emboar’s body for flaming Rollouts, or any of a number of other incredible physical attacks. Yet the thing emboar is most known for is the fact that it is in the third starting pokémon of the fire and fighting elements to be announced in a region, as when it comes to pokémon research and training, repetitive elemental combinations take precedence over the individual qualities and behaviors of an evolutionary family.

The Snivy Line

Snivy
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 495
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. Swift and intelligent pokémon, snivy are capable of executing incredible feats of agility in battle, regardless of whether or not their trainers order them to do so. That having been said, to answer some of the most common questions about this species, yes, researchers are aware of its species designation; yes, we are and have always been aware that snivy has limbs; and yes, it made sense at the time.

Servine
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 496
Entry: The evolved form of snivy, by battle experience. Despite having limbs, servine prefer to slither along the ground with such deftness and ease it is often described as “sliding.” It does this despite the fact that its ability to photosynthesize (and therefore fuel its basic bodily processes) can and will be inhibited if mud and dirt covers its scales. However, one explanation is that it preferred battle method is to sneak up on its opponent and use Vine Whip on them before they become aware of servine’s closeness, which is to say that servine’s locomotive preference is deemed worth it for the sake of fighting dirty.

Puns, Bill? Is that what this blog is reduced to now? —LH

Oh, come now, Lanette. You may think I’m stooping to a new low, but you know as well as I do that I was already there. —Bill

Serperior
The Regal Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 497
Entry: The evolved form of servine, by battle experience. Noted for their noble looks, serperior have the capability stopping their opponents in their tracks, simply with the toss of a head and a particularly withering glare. This, in addition to their sleek but elegant looks as well as their general attitude towards their trainers and fellow pokémon, have earned it the nickname the regal pokémon, which makes it the only member of this evolution line with a completely logical and fitting species name according to the general public. (Yes, we know.)

The Piplup Line

Piplup
The Penguin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 393
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Sinnoh. An intensely proud penguin pokémon native to Sinnoh’s frigid northern climes. Due to its proud nature, it is a difficult pokémon to raise and will frequently disobey its trainers and refuse food, purely because piplup in general believe that they are above being tamed. Thus, it is highly advisable to employ reverse psychology when first training piplup. When piplup refuse to eat, simply pretend to not want to feed it, and it will eventually attempt to take your food, as it will believe doing so would be an act of disobedience. When this tactic begins to fail (due to piplup growing wise to it), it is then that a trainer will need to switch tactics in order to continue giving their piplup the impression that feeding is somehow still disobeying their wishes. The author humbly and quite seriously suggests reverse reverse psychology.

Prinplup
The Penguin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 394
Entry: The evolved form of piplup, by battle experience. In general, a piplup’s attitude does not improve upon evolution. Quite the contrary—each individual prinplup develops the unfortunate opinion that they are the most important being in the world, and thus, they isolate themselves within separate nests dug into the icy cliffs of northern Sinnoh, far from each other and any other pokémon they deem morally and genetically inferior. In other words, prinplup form opinions the exact same way most Kantonian politicians do, and the best prinplup trainers can do is take a page from the average Kantonian citizen by pointing their prinplup in the general direction of an opponent and letting them go at it, so to speak.

Empoleon
The Emperor Pokémon
Type: Water/Steel
Official Registration #: 395
Entry: The evolved form of prinplup, by battle experience. While empoleon are generally more mellow than either of its predecessors, they are, as a whole, still vastly proud of their abilities. It is just that they’re more likely to gather in groups, possibly because they realize that some interaction with one another is necessary for the sake of their own species. However, every empoleon-piplup rookery has one lead empoleon that makes the decisions for the rest of the flock. This empoleon is usually determined by sight: they choose the empoleon with the biggest horns to be their superior … a process that, contrary to popular belief on the internet, is not a euphemism.

The Chimchar Line

Chimchar
The Chimp Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 390
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Sinnoh. A small, agile monkey pokémon native to Sinnohan forests. Gases churn within its stomach and fuel the constant fires that sprout from its rear end … and someone wrote this fact in the Sinnohan pokédex and has in no way been embellished or edited by this writer.

Monferno
The Playful Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 391
Entry: The evolved form of chimchar, by battle experience. Using its unparalleled agility and the flames on its tail, a monferno can spring from sheer walls or high ceilings in order to launch vicious, fast-paced attacks. While the Sinnohan pokédex states that its flaming tail is its only weapon, this is not entirely true. Ember does not come from its tail, and given the entry left for its evolutionary predecessor and the fact that a monferno will typically learn this move as a chimchar, it is possibly best not to think too much about where Ember actually comes from.

Infernape
The Flame Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 392
Entry: The evolved form of monferno, by battle experience. Using its crown of fire and the fire on its fists and legs, an infernape adds a flame element to its own unique style. The style itself is noteworthy, as for centuries, martial artists in China have attempted to adapt and emulate it for human use. The end result is a wild, aggressive, highly unpredictable form known as drunken monkey style, as it evokes the look of an infernape that had consumed fermented berries to the point where it will fight anything that moves within its line of sight. Interestingly enough, certain European cultures have a similar fighting style, but these were inspired by a drunk infernape of a more metaphorical nature and were therefore developed via perhaps less dignified means.

The Turtwig Line

Turtwig
The Tiny Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 387
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Sinnoh. A small tortoise pokémon native to Sinnohan forests, turtwig is known for its soil-packed shell and its ability to photosynthesize, as well as the misconception that, as a small, shelled reptile, it is in any way related to squirtle or tirtouga. In actuality, turtwig occupy a completely different family from either of these pokémon. One can easily tell the difference by adaptations: whereas squirtle and tirtouga fare perfectly well in water, throwing a turtwig into the ocean produces far grimmer results.

Grotle
The Grove Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 388
Entry: The evolved form of turtwig, by battle experience. All grotle possess the ability to dowse, or to locate sources of pure water based on innate sense alone. Its hardened shell has developed into a smooth, comfortable seat, and using both its dowsing ability and its developed shell, it ferries pokémon that had once been larger than it to these water sources … typically to throw them in as petty revenge for all the times that they had thrown it in when it was a turtwig.

Torterra
The Continent Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ground
Official Registration #: 389
Entry: The evolved form of grotle, by battle experience. After evolution, torterra and their trees continue to grow, and their shells continue to harden. As a result, they grow more lethargic as time goes on, making them slow and large enough for small pokémon to create nests on its back. In ancient times, certain cultures looked to this behavior and concluded that the entire world must actually be on the back of a giant torterra … which is preposterous, as everyone knows that the world is actually supported by four donphan riding on the back of a massive carracosta.

The Mudkip Line

Mudkip
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 258
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. A small, amphibious pokémon native to Hoennian rivers. It uses its large head fin to sense the flow of water and its large back fin to propel itself through turbulent currents with surprising power for its size. Likewise, the large gills on its cheek allow it to breathe even in the murkiest, muddiest depths, and its physical strength alone allows it to pick up and push boulders along river bottoms. In general, mudkip is a fascinating pokémon, and this is because the species itself carries a number of interesting qualities, not because someone “herd u liek it.”

Marshtomp
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 259
Entry: The evolved form of mudkip, by battle experience. An amphibious pokémon primarily native to rivers and banks, marshtomp had to develop strong, bulky legs to compensate for the fact that its habitat lacks stable footing. Thus, marshtomp is capable of literally standing through even the fiercest earthquakes, the likes of which routinely plague its volcanic home region of Hoenn. A less composed young researcher would likely say that marshtomp has had the foresight to “not skip leg day,” but luckily, the writer is not the storage system administrator of Sinnoh.

Swampert
The Mud Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 260
Entry: The evolved form of marshtomp, by battle experience. Never let its seemingly cute species name fool you. In actuality, swampert is a four-foot-tall mass of pure, sea-tempered muscle. It is powerful enough to tow ships to shore, rend boulders in two with one swipe of its bulky arms, swim against the current of stormy waves, dive to the depths of the Hoennian sea, and spew jets of water that can tear holes in the hull of the ships it had towed to shore at the beginning of this list. About the only thing cute about it is the fact that it still wears a perpetual grin and enjoys belly rubs and literally sucking down insect prey, just like its ancestral cousin, quagsire.

The Torchic Line

Torchic
The Chick Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 255
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. A small, chick-like pokémon whose natural body temperature is so hot that the fireballs it launches during battle can reach temperatures in excess of 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. Thus, in Hoenn, it is said that torchic are very warm to cuddle, but given that these are the same people who live in a region that feature a desert, an active volcano, a dormant volcano, and a tropical jungle, outsiders should take torchic’s cuddliness with a grain of salt.

For your information, it is very cuddly, and someone who had the misfortune of being raised in a region where you don’t see sun for six months out of the year because of the constant rain should perhaps keep his opinions about Hoennians to himself. —LH

The reason why I poke fun at every other region but Hoenn, ladies and gentlemen. —Bill

Combusken
The Young Fowl Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 256
Entry: The evolved form of torchic, by battle experience. A powerful and energetic pokémon, combusken is capable of delivering ten kicks per second, and each kick is capable of rending solid concrete in two. In Hoenn, this has made combusken a prized fighter ideal for taking on the rock- and steel-heavy Hoenn League. In Unova, however, combusken are noted for their muscular legs, which apparently taste wonderful to an Unovan when said legs are breaded, seasoned, and fried in whatever magical oils the local Floccesy Fried Chicken establishment uses.

Blaziken
The Blaze Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 257
Entry: The evolved form of combusken, by battle experience. Upon evolution, blaziken gain the ability to jump thirty-story buildings, set their fists on fire via flame cuffs, breathe jets of flames, and endure hours of intense fighting. Upon mega evolution, it also gains the ability Speed Boost … because that’s exactly what you need a six-foot-tall chicken with fire powers and superhuman martial arts skills to do: gain speed boosts naturally.

The Treecko Line

Treecko
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 252
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. This small gecko pokémon is famous for its calm disposition, which makes it an ideal partner for a beginning trainer. It is said that absolutely nothing shakes it, not even the rage of a forest fire. This, of course, is not entirely true. The calm demeanor it displays at all times actually hides abject panic and other extreme forms of emotion … which, given the fact that trainers routinely and happily face danger on a daily basis without so much as a frown, still makes treecko an ideal partner for a beginning trainer.

Grovyle
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 253
Entry: The evolved form of treecko, by battle experience. Grovyle is noted for its nimbleness. Well-adapted to its native jungle environments, it can skitter up trees and jump from branch to branch with an unrivaled swiftness, making it difficult for pursuers to keep up with it. It should be noted that these pursuers, of course, may include trainers who mistake their calm demeanor during their treecko stage as consent to subject it to extreme stress.

Sceptile
The Forest Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 254
Entry: The evolved form of grovyle, by battle experience. In Hoennian lore, sceptile are traditionally seen as forest guardians. Not only are their jungle combat skills completely unrivaled in the pokémon world (due to both its surprising agility and the sharp leaf blades on its arms), but also, the bulbs on their backs contain seeds that they can plant in order to revitalize parts of their forest homes. It should also be noted that this image of sceptile as a jungle guardian is perhaps only helped by the fact that the aforementioned bulbs explode in order to release the seeds within, yet sceptile, much like its original treecko form, take the violent bursting of parts of their body without even flinching. Needless to say, the disinclination to fight a creature that refuses to show pain is something of a survival adaptation for the rest of the forest.