The Totodile Line

Totodile
The Big Jaw Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 158
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Johto. A small but hardy alligator pokémon, totodile possess jaws strong enough to crush the front bumper of a car. Although it is frequently advised by experts to take caution when handling this pokémon, even those experts sometimes have difficulty avoiding injury from a totodile bite. So, logically, certain Johtonian researchers have reached the admirably sage conclusion that this is the perfect pokémon to offer to young and heavily inexperienced trainers.

Croconaw
The Big Jaw Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 159
Entry: The evolved form of totodile, by battle experience. Croconaw’s primary form of attack is to use its huge, powerful jaws to bite down onto its opponent. Once latched on, it never lets go until it loses its teeth, which grow back harmlessly within a day. So to the young and inexperienced trainers mentioned in the previous entry, rest assured that your croconaw’s teeth will grow back shortly after they lose them, which should be one less thing to worry about as you seek medical attention for the reason why your pokémon lost its teeth in the first place.

Feraligatr
The Big Jaw Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 160
Entry: The evolved form of croconaw, by battle experience. Despite its bulky appearance, feraligatr is a swift pokémon, capable of rushing at an opponent with blinding speed. Once it corners an opponent, it tears into its victim with its massive jaws, savagely tearing them apart within seconds.

…

Which, in combination with the damage the other two evolution lines can do to a human being, should explain why the author is immensely curious as to how a certain professor gained permission from the Johto League to hand out starters.

The Ralts Line

As an apology for our delay in both the response to the last question and our entries as a whole, please accept this special, extra entry for the day. Thank you for your patience. —LH

Ralts
The Feeling Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 280
Entry: A childlike pokémon native to the quieter forests of Hoenn. Because of its ability to sense the emotions of others, it typically avoids contact with anything that is not of the ralts line and is, therefore, extremely rare and difficult to find. However, because of its timidity, its soft but cute cry, and its eagerness to please others (in order to neutralize any negativity that surrounds it), it is also a popular pokémon among children and young adults … which very likely does absolutely nothing to alleviate ralts’s aversion to drama and high doses of extreme emotion.

Kirlia
The Emotion Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 281
Entry: The evolved form of ralts, by battle experience. Although kirlia possesses more mastery over its psychic abilities than its predecessor, it is still prone to being highly affected by the emotions of its trainer. For example, trainers who experience incredible emotions of joy or pride may cause their kirlia to dance with happiness. Trainers suffering through negative emotions will find that their kirlia has become lethargic and depressed. And trainers in the vicinity of other humans they find incredibly attractive will cause their kirlia to ███████

Really, Bill? Really? —LH

Gardevoir
The Embrace Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 282
Entry: The evolved form of kirlia, by battle experience. Only the strongest trainers who form the closest, most loving bonds with their kirlia may see their pokémon evolve to their final, natural forms. Thus, a gardevoir is born out of strong feelings of loyalty, so it stands to reason that gardevoir in general are inherently extremely protective of their trainers. This is true; all observable tamed gardevoir have been known to go to extreme lengths to protect their trainers from any potential threat. Unfortunately for most people, “extreme lengths” may include creating a miniature black hole, and “potential threat” may include literally anyone within five feet of their trainers.

Gallade
The Blade Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 475
Entry: The evolved form of male kirlia, by exposure to dawn stone. Although its sibling evolution results from the incredible bonds formed between a kirlia and another being, this does not mean gallade do not experience similarly intense urges to protect their trainers and loved ones. If anything, their ability to sense the emotions of potential foes, combined with the drive to battle inherent in all fighting-types and extreme fondness for using the swords hidden in their forearms, make them even more gung-ho about protecting the people and pokémon they value the most. Therefore, trainers should be extremely wary about teaching their gallade to attack only on command, rather than any time they sense danger. Well-meaning researchers who intend to give gallade to sisters with questionable tastes in men, however, are free to teach their pokémon whatever they wish.

They aren’t, but good try. —LH

The Cyndaquil Line

Cyndaquil
The Fire Mouse Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 155
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Johto. The flames on its back are not just for protection: they are also directly connected to its emotional state. When calm or happy, its flames burn at a low temperature. When angry or startled, it releases a burst of hot flames, and when completely exhausted, its flames go out completely. As a reminder to all trainers, it is both inadvisable and irresponsible to reignite your cyndaquil by feeding it coffee. If your cyndaquil’s fire goes out, allow it to sleep.

Quilava
The Volcano Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 156
Entry: The evolved form of cyndaquil, by battle experience. Once evolved, quilava is capable of harnessing the flames on its back for both offensive and defensive purposes. By superheating the air around it, quilava is capable of keeping its foes at bay long enough for it to launch an assault from the same fires. Quick and nimble, this pokémon is capable of burning foes even when dodging attacks … a behavior that should be closely monitored by its trainers, as there have been over thirty instances of a gym burning to the ground thanks to an overexcited but somewhat less-than-graceful quilava.

Typhlosion
The Volcano Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 157
Entry: The evolved form of quilava, by battle experience. Trainers should take extreme caution when handling this pokémon, as, like its preevolved forms, its fire abilities are directly connected to its emotional state. However, as it is the last in its evolution line, it should go without saying that its pyrokinesis and thermokinesis are both far more powerful than either cyndaquil’s or quilava’s. Even the slightest touch from an enraged typhlosion may set its surroundings ablaze … which is unfortunate for a pokémon native to a region that, up until recently, firmly believed that paper and bamboo were perfectly acceptable building materials.

The Chikorita Line

In honor of the recently registered Alola dex, Bill and I have agreed that it would be appropriate to present you with a new series of entries, spanning all of the starters we have yet to cover. We hope you enjoy. —LH

Chikorita
The Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 152
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Johto. Generally affectionate and even-tempered, chikorita enjoy waving their head leaves to emit a sweet, calming aroma during battle with the hopes of pleasing a new friend. Unfortunately, trainers should be aware that by “a new friend,” the writer means “their opponent” and that the first gym in the traditional Johtonian circuit specializes in things with type advantages and an appetite for chikorita meat.

Bayleef
The Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 153
Entry: The evolved form of chikorita, by battle experience. As a bayleef ages, the aroma that wafts from the leaves around its neck grow stronger and more potent. While these leaves have been historically collected to brew stimulating teas, the scent alone is enough to increase adrenaline and drive anyone who can smell it to fight. It should be noted that “anyone who can smell it” also applies to the bayleef itself, so trainers should take caution when teaching this pokémon moves such as Body Slam.

Meganium
The Herb Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 154
Entry: The evolved form of bayleef, by battle experience. Meganium’s fragrance has the fantastic abilities to revive dead plants, revitalize weary spirits, and calm even the most aggressive foes. However, it should be noted that just because it has these effects on those surrounding a meganium, it has no effect on the meganium itself. Thus, despite having the ability to lull its enemies into a peaceful stupor, be warned that meganium is one of the most aggressive fully-evolved starter pokémon available and that it both can and very likely will Body Slam you into the ground for accidentally stepping on that lovely dandelion it had just revived.

The Scatterbug Line

Scatterbug
The Scatterdust Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 664
Entry: A worm-like pokémon native to forests across the world. When threatened, it ejects a dust from its exoskeleton that is capable of paralyzing creatures on contact. However, this powder is also important for the regulation of its body temperature, and the loss of this extra coat may result in a scatterbug freezing to the point of being unable to move, thus providing a rather inconvenient downside to its primary defense mechanism against predators.

Spewpa
The Scatterdust Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 665
Entry: The evolved form of scatterbug, by battle experience. The bristles of this pokémon, in combination with the line’s paralyzing dust, provide extra protection against the beaks and claws of bird-like predators. So do, incidentally, the shards of reinforced, sharpened chitin which, when launched due to the raising of its bristles, can be thrown like shuriken directly into innocent bystanders. Trainers and researchers traveling through darker parts of the forest should be warned against this behavior, as spewpa have a tendency to hide in the shadows, coupled with an inability to discern a predator about to step on them from a passing human who has no idea that the spewpa is there.

Vivillon
The Scale Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 666
Entry: The evolved form of spewpa, by battle experience. Vivillon are famous for their wing patterns, which vary in color and design, based on the region its scatterbug form had originally been from. There are avid collectors all over the world who dedicate their lives to obtaining every form of vivillon in existence, to the point where entire conventions have been created for vivillon trading. As a note to the curious from an experienced collector, conventions for pokémon fanatics are both wondrous and alarming. On the one hand, they enable fans across the globe to connect with one another and to allow trainers from distant regions to meet and befriend pokémon they wouldn’t normally encounter. On the other, rare forms of vivillon have been known to cause fist fights between particularly enthusiastic fans.

To be fair, you were involved with three of the ones you’re referring to. —LH

At least I didn’t start them. —Bill

Ferroseed and Ferrothorn

Ferroseed
The Thorn Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 597
Entry: A seed-like pokémon native to Unovan caves. Using its sharp thorns, ferroseed anchors itself to the iron-rich walls of its subterranean habitat. However, when it senses danger, it fires its thorns in all directions, which enable it to roll away quickly. Given the fact that it possesses a thick iron hide and the fact that it dwells primarily in cold caves, far from the natural habitats of any Unovan fire-type, it may be difficult to grasp what might prey on the ferroseed, but in truth, the answer is the human. Not only are the soft innards of a ferroseed a delicacy (noted for its strong, cheese-and-onion taste, as well as their slight hallucinogenic properties), but also, only a human being would be masochistic enough to figure this out.

Ferrothorn
The Thorn Pod Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 598
Entry: The evolved form of ferroseed, by battle experience. A ferroseed’s hide thickens upon evolution, which causes it to lose its ability to move quickly across a cave floor but gain the ability to withstand harsher attacks. As such, it has become a highly sought-after pokémon to many trainers, as it can root itself in the middle of the battlefield and unleash a combination of Spikes, Leech Seed, and Toxic before suffering the consequences of one too many Flamethrowers. Of course, despite its advantages on the battlefield, there are many disadvantages to training a ferrothorn, namely the fact that not all battlefields are flat surfaces—which, incidentally, should be taken as a note of caution to anyone who thinks bringing an immobile, 240-pound grass-type to the Cerulean Gym is a fantastic idea.

Spinda

Spinda
The Spot Panda Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 327
Entry: A short, red panda pokémon native to the volcanic fields of Hoenn. Although it is said that no two spinda have the same spots, a recent study has revealed that this is very unlikely. Rather, the actual odds that two spinda share the same or similar spot patterns is roughly one in 4,294,967,295. It was, of course, highly complex mathematics that was able to determine this, rather than pure observation, as counting spinda is an activity best reserved for those with extraordinary patience, due to spinda’s tendency to confuse onlookers with its wobbly, almost hypnotic gait and vacant stare. Thus, spinda trainers should be delighted to know that a fact concerning their spinda’s signature trait was found using similar methods astronomers have used to calculate the existence of trans-Neptunian planets … which, interestingly enough, are also known for their wobbly trajectories and questionable ties to reality.

The Hoppip Line

Hoppip
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 187
Entry: A light, weed-like pokémon native to the Johto region. Thanks to its low body weight, it needs to anchor itself to the ground or other hoppip to avoid being blown away by even the gentlest breezes. Trainers of this pokémon should be aware of this tendency, less because of the dangers drifting pose to a hoppip and more because watching novice trainers frantically chase their hoppip across mountainous fields is a source of great entertainment to Johtonians.

Skiploom
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 188
Entry: The evolved form of hoppip, by battle experience. Because of its tendency to open its flower and float as close to the sun as possible on warm, sunny days, skiploom is considered to be a symbol of summer in its native region of Johto. Of course, it should also be noted that skiploom close their blossoms and drop harmlessly (to them, anyway) out of the sky as the temperature decreases and days grow shorter, so conversely, skiploom-induced concussions have become a symbol of autumn in the same region.

Jumpluff
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 189
Entry: The evolved form of skiploom, by battle experience. Jumpluff travel in groups, controlling their puff-like appendages even in the fiercest winds to change direction and fly over great distances. As temperatures rise, jumpluff clouds shift and begin migrating northward, only to arrive in the Johto region just as spring sets in and the jumpluff mating season begins. Thus, in Johto, one knows all-too well that spring has arrived when spores produced by mating jumpluff trigger one’s seasonal allergies. Johtonians, naturally, try not to think about this too much.

Spritzee and Aromatisse

Spritzee
The Perfume Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 682
Entry: A puff-like pokémon of the fairy type. Spritzee emit a fragrance that may have the capability of enrapturing all those who smell it. However, this fragrance can be altered by what it eats. A spritzee on a diet of flowers, citrus fruits, and so forth will of course emit a pleasant, irresistible aroma. A spritzee that feeds primarily on garbage and garlic, however…

Aromatisse
The Fragrance Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 683
Entry: The evolved form of spritzee, via trading if the subject is holding a sachet. Aromatisse are known for their powerful fragrances, which they can adjust at will. In the vicinity of humans they don’t particularly like, they will emit clouds of odors reminiscent of a dead skuntank, a flatulent muk, and an angry vileplume combined.

Swirlix and Slurpuff

Swirlix
The Cotton Candy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 684
Entry: A puff-like pokémon of the fairy type. Because it constantly eats sweets, it exudes a sticky, sugary substance that thoroughly coats its cotton-like fur. Thus, it is best to keep your swirlix away from children and ants in the summertime, as a combination of all three things can and will result in tears. Furthermore, do not lick your swirlix … and do not ask the author why this needs to be said.

Slurpuff
The Meringue Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 685
Entry: The evolved form of swirlix, via trading if the subject has had a whipped dream applied to it. A swirlix’s nose is hundreds of times more sensitive than a human’s and is capable of distinguishing even the faintest of scents. It uses this strong sense of smell to assist bakers in creating the best pastries with the freshest ingredients … and also to embarrass lactose intolerant customers who accidentally eat pastries they failed to realize were made with dairy.