Golett and Golurk

Golett
The Automaton Pokémon
Type: Ground/Ghost
Official Registration #: 622
Entry: A short, robotic pokémon that mainly inhabits the ruins of Unova and Kalos. Born from clay, this automaton pokémon is said to be an ancient form of technology whose power source is still not yet well-understood by modern researchers. As a word of advice, it is extremely unwise to attempt to harness this energy source, either as a battery or for research purposes. It’s not so much because this pokémon naturally learns a variety of punching moves that can easily render an offending human hospitalized as it is because there is only one place on a golett a person may be able to plug in a cord, and to make a long and very awkward story short, the ancient peoples of Unova and Kalos had similarly horrifying senses of humor.

Golurk
The Automaton Pokémon
Type: Ground/Ghost
Official Registration #: 623
Entry: The evolved form of golett, by battle experience. Everything about golett had been specifically designed, including all of the details concerning its evolution. Thus, it was possible for the ancient people of Unova and Kalos to begin by raising and gaining the loyalty of their golett, only to have it grow into a bulkier, far more powerful golurk that was specially designed to serve as their protector. Golurk by itself is gifted with a wide variety of powers, including the ability to fly at mach speeds, despite its design and bulk. Yet should anyone be inclined to question how golurk is capable of that kind of flight, the author would like to take the time to point out the lack of forum threads concerning whether or not Gligarman’s abilities according to the comic series make sense. (Spoiler alert? They do not. Fight me, Glifan823.)

The Abra Line

Abra
The Psi Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 63
Entry: A small, fox-like pokémon of the psychic-type. Due to its incredible psychic power, it requires at least eighteen hours of sleep per day. However, it also has the power to read minds, so when it senses danger or when it is summoned for battle, it is still capable of “reading” its surroundings and using its other moves to protect itself. Unfortunately, the only move it learns naturally is Teleport, and as teaching a pokémon moves via HM or TM requires them to be fully conscious, training an abra may pose difficult for the beginning trainer. On the positive side, it provides many life lessons to trainers who are just starting out from Goldenrod City, which is flanked by two major abra habitats. One of these lessons is, of course, never go out to capture your first pokémon without reading the pokédex first.

Kadabra
The Psi Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 64
Entry: The evolved form of abra, by battle experience. After evolution, a kadabra’s psychic powers grow in strength, and its mastery over its psychic abilities increases, allowing it to learn more techniques and stay awake for longer periods of time. Unfortunately, its powers also cause it to unconsciously emit alpha waves at all times. These alpha waves increase when a kadabra is excited and have a tendency to irrevocably damage sensitive equipment, as well as induce headaches in a nearby human. Because of the latter, it is said that only those with a strong psyche may handle this pokémon … which would be a compliment if the author was a little more prepared for poké puff-related migraines.

Alakazam
The Psi Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 65
Entry: The evolved form of kadabra, via trading. Upon evolution, a kadabra’s abilities and intelligence grow exponentially, to the point where the average alakazam is said to possess a brain powerful enough to rival a supercomputer. On the downside, because its head grows too heavy for its body to support, an alakazam is constantly exerting its telekinetic powers, which in turn means it is, more than ever, exuding psi energy. Additionally, due to its unusual evolutionary requirements, most trainers will never get to own an alakazam, let alone observe these telekinetic abilities … which on the one hand is a shame but on the other hand is also a blessing for both the author’s research equipment and his head.

Minccino and Cinccino

Minccino
The Chinchilla Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 572
Entry: A small, rodent-like pokémon known for its soft fur and grooming habits. Because minccino fur is extremely soft and thick—with an average of sixty hairs per follicle—minccino are typically extremely meticulous about keeping clean. While part of this is indeed related to the way they groom themselves and each other, it also extends to their surroundings, as they are particularly keen on doing everything they can to keep their coats clean, including removing dirt from their habitats. For this reason, minccino are often thought among Unovan parenting communities to be popular pets for teenagers and young adults who did not embark on a trainer’s journey, as the minccino will supposedly pick up after their newly independent but questionably responsible offspring. (This, of course, is not true; minccino could really care less about their habitats outside of their respective cages. But it’s a nice sentiment nonetheless.)

Cinccino
The Scarf Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 573
Entry: The evolved form of minccino, by exposure to shiny stone. Like minccino, cinccino are famously known for their soft fur, which is additionally coated in a special oil to make it shiny and silky-smooth. This fur grows upon evolution, and consequently, cinccino fur supposedly repels dirt, static electricity, and even punches from well-drained fighting-type pokémon. The keyword there, of course, is supposedly. Do not pit your cinccino against a gauntlet of fighting-type pokémon for the sole purpose of testing the durability of its fur. This is a fantastic way to lose both your cinncino and your trainer’s license.

Jirachi

It seems we’ve hit a milestone, dear readers. For that, I would like to take the time to thank all of you who have joined me thus far. It’s an honor to be able to share my wealth of information and experiences (…largely experiences) with all of you.

As a gift to you, a special entry, concerning a very special pokémon to my very patient editor. We hope you enjoy!

Jirachi
The Wish Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 385
Entry: A legendary pokémon that, according to Hoennian lore, possesses the power to grant any wish. Many other legends are attached to this particular pokémon, most notably the story of how it will sleep for a thousand years, only to awaken for one week as a particular comet passes over the sky. It is also said that the way to awaken Jirachi from its thousand-year slumber is by singing to it in a voice of purity. The latter is quite possibly a little closer to the truth than the former, as it has been noted that the last time Jirachi has awakened was in 2003, not long after the release of the first solo album by a certain artist who shall remain nameless here but who the rest of the internet seems to know very well. (A hint: Scientists are not entirely certain which song on the album might have awakened Jirachi, but most theories lean towards “Me, Myself & I.”)

The Shinx Line

Shinx
The Flash Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 403
Entry: A small, lion cub-like pokémon of the electric type. Shinx is referred to as the “flash pokémon” because of its the ability to disperse electricity into its fur using the extension and contraction of its muscular system; the tenser its body, the more electricity is pumped into its fur, which means the more its fur sparks and glows. However, it is important for trainers to note that this behavior is not exclusive to fear. Rather, shinx as a whole will do this whenever excited, including when they wish to play with their trainers. Which is to say, if considering training a newly hatched shinx, please be aware that you will be blinded. A lot.

Luxio
The Spark Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 404
Entry: The evolved form of shinx, by battle experience. As a member of the shinx line grows, it gains finer control over its electrical abilities. In its luxio form, it learns to channel electricity into its claws, rather than throughout its fur, and it uses this to deliver powerful electrical shocks to its opponents. Even the lightest scratch from a luxio is potent enough to render even the bulkiest pokémon unconscious. On that note, trainers who are considering raising a member of the shinx line should beware of luxio as well. Luxio, after all, have a habit of kneading their trainers’ laps to show affection, which is a behavior that has occasionally had very unfortunate consequences for more than a few humans.

Luxray
The Gleam Eyes Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 405
Entry: The evolved form of luxio, by battle experience. Luxray are gifted with the ability to see through walls. When its eyes light up and it stares intently at a wall, rest assured that this is normal for luxray and that it has simply spotted potential prey. On the positive side, this is the only strange thing about luxray, as it no longer channels electricity into its fur or claws when excited. On the negative side, if a luxray stares intently at your wall, you most likely have an infestation of rattata or pikachu. That and also, your luxray is very likely to Thunderbolt your wall and anything that happens to be in front of said wall (including, for example, you) without notice.

Rufflet and Braviary

Rufflet
The Eaglet Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 627
Entry: An eagle-like pokémon known for its particularly fascinating tendency to stand up to any opponent, no matter how large or powerful they may be. This is, in general, an honorable behavior to display. It is important to stand up for your principles, after all, even if those principles result in you rolling down Cycling Road in a trash bin because you decided to stand up to the Celadon University rugby team while conveniently forgetting that you lack any sort of battling skills, hand-to-hand combat training, or, in fact, any semblance of hand-eye coordination.

To your credit, at least it was casserole day, so you had a cushion and free dinner. —LH

Braviary
The Valiant Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 628
Entry: The evolved form of rufflet, by battle experience. A large, eagle-like pokémon that will fight for its friends, regardless of the risks to itself. Because of this behavior, braviary has been taken to be a symbol of sorts to various regions and nations—including and especially Unova, where braviary represents FREEDOM. Which is, as the writer understands it from his good friends on the internet, a distinctly separate concept from freedom, as FREEDOM apparently involves far more fireworks, guns, ursaring, and acts of throwing perfectly good tea into a questionably good harbor.

Vullaby and Mandibuzz

Vullaby
The Diapered Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 629
Entry: Vullaby’s wings are too short and underdeveloped to allow it to fly, but as it nears evolution, it sheds the bones it wears in order to drop dead weight and give its wings more space in which to move. One would assume this would be the joke of the entry, but in actuality, it is the pokémon’s recorded species, which was neither the writer’s fault nor something on which he can provide any sort of witty comment, as any commentary regarding this has already been made somewhere on the internet with varying degrees of irony and innocence.

Mandibuzz
The Bone Vulture Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 630
Entry: The evolved form of vullaby, by battle experience. Mandibuzz is a large, vulture-like pokémon known for circling potential prey, then swooping down on it and carrying it back to its nest, where it dismembers said prey to use its bones for nest reinforcement and decoration. This behavior may seem intimidating to some, but there are theories within the pokémon ethological community that it is better explained with the fact that the appearance of its preevolved form is not particularly well-respected among pokémon either.

Stunky and Skuntank

Stunky
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 434
Entry: A small, woodland pokémon known for its powerful defense mechanism. When threatened, rather than attacking using traditional pokémon moves, stunky will turn its hindquarters to face its attacker, lift its tail, and spray a potent musk to confound and drive away the offending creature. As an important side note, Sinnohan folk remedies prescribe bathing in tomato juice in order to remove the smell. The writer fully encourages stunky victims to do this, not because of its effectiveness (it is, in fact, not even remotely effective) but instead because bathing in tomato juice is strangely good for the skin.

Skuntank
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 435
Entry: The evolved form of stunky, by battle experience. Skuntank is basically a larger, more dangerous stunky. What makes it so dangerous are a combination of factors, namely its hotter temper and the fact that the range of its spray can reach up to 160 feet. Word of advice, should you ever encounter a wild skuntank: one quart hydrogen peroxide, quarter cup baking soda, and two teaspoons of dish soap. Mix and use the way you would everyday body soap and shampoo. You are very welcome.

Skorupi and Drapion

Skorupi
The Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 451
Entry: A scorpion pokémon endemic to deserts and arid mountains. As a primarily desert-dwelling pokémon, skorupi are hardy, capable of surviving for up to a year without food. Science has tested and proven this fact, but the scientists involved were less successful in avoiding the scandal and prison time involved with obvious pokémon abuse.

Drapion
The Ogre Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 452
Entry: The evolved form of skorupi, by battle experience. Drapion body language may be difficult to understand at first, but the key is keeping in mind the fact that drapion arms are extremely strong and tipped with stingers that can secrete a powerful venom. Therefore, when a drapion is holding its arms slack and loose, this means that it’s allowing you to approach and give it affection. However, if your drapion’s arms are held up and extended to the sides, this is actually an aggressive stance, not an invitation for a hug. The writer must emphasize that the difference is extremely vital to trainers.

The Bellsprout Line

Bellsprout
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 69
Entry: In Johto, this pitcher plant-like pokémon is a symbol of endurance and flexibility, as its thin, stalk-like body will bend hypnotically with every movement it makes, but it will never break. In fact, this concept is so well-known in Johto that one of its historic landmarks, Sprout Tower, is said to be built around a giant bellsprout whose body became the swaying central pillar the building is known for. These stories of giant bellsprout roaming the countryside—along with Johto’s various other odd notes of folklore—are to this day passed down from generation to generation, none of whom have ever taken these stories as evidence that the traditional beer of our ancestors was made with an herb other than hops and rice.

Weepinbell
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 70
Entry: The evolved form of bellsprout, by battle experience. Weepinbell use their hook-like stems to hang themselves on branches with their wide-open mouths pointing down. When prey comes close to it, it douses said prey with a poisonous powder and subsequently drops from its perch directly onto its target, sliding itself over its catch. Thereafter, it closes its mouth and allows the acid within its body to break its prey down into a liquid sludge. It should go without saying, then, that if your college friends offer you several thousand poké-dollars to stick your hand into a weepinbell’s mouth, the more sensible plan of action that avoids a rather awkward trip to a hospital is to not do that.

Victreebel
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 71
Entry: The evolved form of weepinbell, by exposure to leaf stone. It is said that victreebel live in massive colonies in the middle of jungles, where they help one another out by producing sweet-smelling sap that lures prey into their mouths in droves. How anyone could know this—given that no one has returned from trips to verify these claims which, incidentally, are generally made by young trainers under the employ of a certain researcher whose name shall not be given but rhymes with “Hickamore”—is, of course, a matter of pure curiosity within the pokémon research community.