Tag: pokemon bill

Bill are you sure you’re exclusively human in the first place? It shouldn’t be so easy to fuse with Pokémon like that, even by accident

Originally? Yes. Contrary to Sinnohan folklore, it was never possible for a human to mate with a pokémon, so I can say with the utmost certainty that I don’t have any sort of pokémon heritage deep down my family tree.

The problem lies in the fact that the teleporter isn’t actually designed to transport more than one living being per session. Putting it another way, think of the teleporter as having a Point A and a Point B. You can activate the pad on Point A as a sending pod to Point B, or you can activate the pad on Point B as a sending pod to Point A. Even if you’re sending objects nearly at the same time, so long as there’s even a percentile of a second of difference, the teleporter can safely transport objects from Point A to Point B and vice versa.

However, if both Point A and Point B are activated at the exact same time, within the same session, the computer gets confused. It thinks there’s only one subject when there really are two, and thus, in an effort to rectify this, it will merge both subjects together and call it a day. It’s a flaw, yes, and highly dangerous at that, which is why I keep experimenting on the teleporter—literally to fix the exact problem that keeps happening so that trans-regional teleportation can be made both perfectly safe and possible.

In other words, as I’ve been asked more than once, yes, what I’m working on is a new method of transportation that should hopefully be safer and quicker than even taking an airplane or ferry between regions. You may think this is outside of my area of expertise, but if it helps you better understand my motivations, rest assured I’m building this for trainers. And because I hate flying that much. The unfortunate downside is that this won’t be possible until I work out that nasty bug, and, well, it’s a work in progress, to put it lightly.

As for currently (or at least after the first incident of this occurring), though, that’s a bit of a complicated question. My cell separation system, as effective as it is, was a bit of a rush job, I’m afraid. It’s mostly accurate, of course, but it would be more accurate to call me something along the lines of, oh, about 98.99% human. It’s not enough to mean anything, really. I don’t have special powers or odd internal organs. Just about the only noticeable differences are that I recover slightly more quickly from pokémon attacks than the average human (of course I’ve tested this) and that pokémon are slightly more eager to befriend me than they had before (which I haven’t yet discovered the reason for).

image

Not again Bill!

Edit:

Bill … care to explain how the internet has a shot of this? —LH

Well, there’s a possibility that the footage from one of the cameras I’d set up saved a backup copy to the cloud, and it was somehow leaked to the general public. Clearly, this means I’ll have to have a word with the other administrators. —Bill

…. —LH

…I was recording a test run of the teleporter for science. —Bill

Are you sure your accidents were actually accidents? —LH

bill for the love of mesprit do you feel any sort of romantic or physical attraction to lanette? if the answer is no you can just say it and spare her the grief !

….

This is a complicated question, though. Do I think Lanette is objectively beautiful, creative, intelligent, and caring (no matter how much she acts like she’s exasperated with me)? Yes. Would I pursue any other relationship besides platonic with her? I’m afraid likely not for several reasons, most importantly because we need to set an example for the other developers, who, as Lanette noted, are barred from dating each other. The last thing we need is quarrels between developers because two of them had a messy falling out. Lanette understands all of this, of course. It’s why we’re able to joke with each other so much.

….

066 117 116 032 073 032 100 111 032 099 097 114 101 032 100 101 101 112 108 121 032 102 111 114 032 104 101 114 046 032 073 039 109 032 108 117 099 107 121 032 116 111 032 104 097 118 101 032 104 101 114 032 097 115 032 097 032 112 097 114 116 110 101 114 059 032 115 104 101 032 114 101 097 108 108 121 032 105 115 032 097 109 097 122 105 110 103 046 032 073 032 106 117 115 116 032 099 097 110 039 116 032 097 099 116 032 111 110 032 105 116 046

You realize I can read that, right? —LH

The Caterpie Line

Caterpie
The Worm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 10
Entry: A small caterpillar pokémon with a voracious appetite for leaves. It spends considerable amounts of time preparing for evolution, usually by focusing on consuming large amounts of leaves. As such, it seems vulnerable and weak, but in actuality, it hides several techniques that it uses to protect itself during its hunt for more leaves. Namely, its antennae have the capability of releasing a strong, foul-smelling odor reminiscent of rotting cabbage. However, this is only one part of its defense mechanism. The rest of its defenses involve wrapping anything that comes close to it with String Shot and proceeding to Tackle until the aforementioned foul-smelling oils are rubbed all over the offending creature, which is then left in the sweltering Kantonian summer heat for hours on end as said offending creature struggles desperately to break free and get to a shower.

Metapod
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 11
Entry: The evolved form of caterpie, by battle experience. A tenacious pokémon, metapod sits perfectly still as it waits for evolution. Its rock-hard shell is resilient on its own, but it uses its only move, Harden, to toughen its body even more in order to resist damage from predators. Even a pinsir’s spiked mandibles are no match for a metapod’s body. Incidentally, the fact that it will not move until evolution, as well as the facts that it is twenty-one pounds and a durable pokémon at that, make it the perfect pokémon to serve as a doorstop. Not that this writer has ever tried, of course.

Butterfree
The Butterfly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 12
Entry: The evolved form of metapod, by battle experience. While the writer would normally talk at length about butterfree’s obsession with honey, the toxic dust that coats its wings, or the fact that much of its free time is spent either consuming vast amounts of honey or mating, in truth, this writer is more astounded by the fact that metapod—a pokémon incapable of independent battling, whose entire existence is devoted to avoiding any sort of movement whatsoever—can only evolve into butterfree by battling.