Darkrai

Darkrai
The Pitch-Black Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 491
Entry: According to Sinnohan myth, Darkrai is the lord of the new moon and of dreams, as well as a companion to Cresselia. As such, its mere presence can induce terrifying nightmares in even the strongest-willed creatures. To protect itself and conceal its true domain, it consciously uses its powers to inflict a deep slumber full of horrific nightmares on all those around it, an act which it does for the sole purpose of driving intruders away. Yet also according to Sinnohan myth, it actually means no harm. Incidentally, yes, the author is aware of just how contradictory most of this entry is, and yes, he does indeed think this is highly appropriate for a pokémon that looks very much like the embodiment of the scene phase he certainly never had.

Pumpkaboo and Gourgeist

Pumpkaboo
The Pumpkin Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass
Official Registration #: 710
Entry: This pokémon’s body consists of a pumpkin inhabited by a spirit. According to Kalosean folklore, the spirit awakens at sunset and maneuvers its pumpkin across fields and forests to locate wandering spirits and help them to cross over into the spiritual realm. According to Kalosean custom, meanwhile, the pumpkin makes an excellent pie, but seeing as the author is lactose intolerant and therefore cannot eat a pie whose secondary ingredients include butter and evaporated milk, he will just have to take his Kalosean colleagues’ word for it.

Gourgeist
The Pumpkin Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass
Official Registration #: 711
Entry: The evolved form of pumpkaboo, via trading. This willowy, pumpkin-like pokémon is known for its hair-like arms, which it uses to ensnare prey. Once prey is ensnared, gourgeist sings to them, instilling on them horrific visions of shadows and demons. Unlike most ghost-types, gourgeist does not do this to feed on a human’s fear; rather, they do it because they’re entertained by human pain and suffering. Also entertained by human pain and suffering: the trainer of a certain gourgeist, who thought it would be more appropriate to film a video of his mentor being subdued by his gourgeist and then share it with many of the other storage system administrators, all of whom were equally as entertained and disinclined to untangle the poor, helpless researcher who did nothing wrong to that gourgeist.

The Gothita Line

Gothita
The Fixation Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 574
Entry: A small, child-like pokémon first discovered in the grasslands and forests of Unova. These strange pokémon use their ribbon-like feelers to increase their psychic powers, which they in turn use to observe people and pokémon at every waking hour of the day. However, when its eyes widen and its ribbons sway as if blown by the breeze, it is said that the gothita is actually staring at something only its kind can see. What, exactly? Well, readers, considering the fact that they’re notoriously morbid pokémon who constantly observe the living, one can only guess that it is perhaps not the warm aura of love and happiness projected by a trainer and their team.

Gothorita
The Manipulate Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 575
Entry: The evolved form of gothita, by battle experience. According to many old tales, gothorita create friends for themselves by using their hypnotic powers to control children on starry nights, when the starlight increases their celestial-based powers. This is a gross misconception. Gothorita are not nearly as selective with their victims, they don’t puppeteer humans on only starry nights, and how dare anyone have the audacity to think otherwise.

Gothitelle
The Astral Body Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 576
Entry: The evolved form of gothorita, by battle experience. Extremely talented in divination and precognition, all gothitelle possess the ability to see into the future by observing the movement and positions of stars and other celestial bodies in the night sky. Upon first meeting with a human, a gothitelle will typically determine their future the first night they get. Humans can tell when a gothitelle has successfully determined their life span when the gothitelle bursts into tears when they next meet. Whether or not that indicates that the human is due to die sooner or later is still a matter of scientific debate.

Kricketot and Kricketune

Kricketot
The Cricket Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 401
Entry: A small, cricket-like pokémon first discovered in the forests of Sinnoh. Kricketot’s bulbous antennae are actually hollow but configured in just the right way that when struck together, they create the xylophone sound the species is known for. As kricketot are most active in the late summer and early fall, this melodious, xylophone-like sound is considered to be the sign that autumn (or “fall” in the Sinnohan dialect) is quickly approaching. When walking through the forests of Sinnoh in early autumn, pay particularly close attention to the way the melody sounds. If it’s smooth and deliberate, with consistently timed tones, then you may be overhearing two or more kricketot conversing with one another. If, however, the sound is chaotic, loud, and ends abruptly, it could be that the unfortunately short kricketot had stumbled over its own stubby legs and struck its antennae together by sheer accident as it fell. It’s interesting to note that one of these types of sounds tends to be more frequent than the other, and suffice to say, there is very likely a reason why Sinnohans call autumn “fall,” other than because of their leaves.

Kricketune
The Cricket Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 402
Entry: The evolved form of kricketot, by battle experience. Kricketune is just as famous for its melodies as its pre-evolved form, but unlike its pre-evolved form, a kricketune produces its tones by rubbing its knife-like front legs together across its violin-like chest. The end result is a rapid, surprisingly variable sound related directly to their emotions. In other words, kricketune have the ability to convey their emotions through differences in their sound patterns. Tamed kricketune have a tendency to “sing” with quick, energetic waltz that indicates their happiness or contentment. Kricketune that have been separated from their mates or trainers will “sing” in slow, dark minuets or sonatas—sometimes even a dirge. Finally, wild kricketune that have just been startled usually respond with an avant garde “deleleleWHOOOP” … shortly before executing X-Scissor into the hapless researcher’s back as it leaps unexpectedly from the nearby tall grasses.

The Seedot Line

Seedot
The Acorn Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 273
Entry: A small, acorn-like pokémon native to dense forests. It hangs from trees, where it’s often indistinguishable from ordinary seeds or apricorns. There, it waits until a human or another pokémon comes close, at which point it suddenly shakes violently to scare its target. There is literally no reason for this; seedot simply enjoys scaring people because that’s how it goes. As an added bonus, any attempt made by its victims to retaliate against this scaring is usually met with Bide. Because you can never be too much of a delightful sentient being.

Nuzleaf
The Wily Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 274
Entry: The evolved form of seedot, by battle experience. This childlike pokémon has the ability to play a grass flute, which tends to make passing humans feel uneasy. It also has the ability to drive trainers to capture only one pokémon whenever they enter new areas and abandon any pokémon that has fainted in the heat of battle, but whether or not this has anything to do with the actual flute playing is still up for debate.

Shiftry
The Wicked Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 275
Entry: The evolved form of nuzleaf, by exposure to leaf stone. This mysterious pokémon is said to be a forest guardian. When humans venture into its sanctum within the deepest, darkest parts of the forest, it uses the giant, leafy fans it has on its hands to whip up winds of up to 100 miles per hour to blow the foe away. Given this description, it may seem odd that shiftry would be designated the wicked pokémon, but this perhaps says quite a bit about humanity’s relationship with nature up until recently.

Joltik and Galvantula

Joltik
The Attaching Pokémon
Type: Bug/Electric
Official Registration #: 595
Entry: A tiny, arachnid-like pokémon first discovered in the magnetic caves of Unova. Joltik’s small, furry body is incapable of generating electricity, so instead, it latches onto larger beings and picks up static electricity from them. It’s important for trainers to check themselves after leaving caves because of this. Although joltik normally latch onto pokémon, they can’t always tell the difference between pokémon and humans, and their tiny size often makes it easy to overlook them. One good way of detecting joltik is by wearing dark clothing when you travel through caves, as their neon-yellow bodies will often stand out against dark backgrounds. Another way, of course, is waiting until you’re randomly electrocuted. At that point, there’s usually a very good chance that you’re unknowingly carrying a joltik.

Galvantula
The EleSpider Pokémon
Type: Bug/Electric
Official Registration #: 596
Entry: The evolved form of joltik, by battle experience. This large, tarantula-like pokémon hunts by weaving an electrically-charged web in its domain. When prey stumbles into this web, the charge instantly paralyzes them long enough for the galvantula to crawl down, bind them in an electrically-charged cocoon, and bite them to liquefy their organs enough for later consumption. Needless to say, this is a brilliant hunting strategy in the wild. When tamed, however … not so much.

The Deino Line

Deino
The Irate Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 633
Entry: An aggressive, dragon pokémon primarily native to caves. Beneath the black fur covering its head, there is nothing but dragon skin—that is to say, this pokémon cannot see, as it has no eyes. Strangely enough, unlike other pokémon that lack eyes, it does not navigate its surroundings by either feeling the vibrations of the earth or through the use of echolocation. Rather, it simply moves forward, bumping into anything in its way and biting anything that moves in response. One would think this wouldn’t be particularly advantageous to the species’ survival, and in any case, why would anything adapt to the point where it would do that, but the answer, readers, is that when you develop the ability to Crunch and Dragon Pulse anything that could possibly pose as a threat against you, your species can develop into anything it merry well pleases.

Zweilous
The Hostile Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 634
Entry: The evolved form of deino, by battle experience. This aggressive dragon pokémon is built to eat and does little else besides that. When it completely depletes its food sources in its current part of the cave, it moves to another part and begins eating once more. This process, of course, is a bit more complicated due to the fact that zweilous’s twin heads rarely get along and constantly compete for food, which you would also think would be a disadvantage to the species, but again, very little poses a true threat to zweilous. This is because if there’s one thing that its two heads can agree upon, it’s “we like destroying things very much.”

Hydreigon
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 635
Entry: The evolved form of zweilous, by battle experience. Upon evolution, zweilous’s brains merge, and the newly emptied head splits into two at the ends of both of hydreigon’s arms. Additionally, this pokémon grows a set of six wings, which it uses to travel out of its cave home and into the surface world, where there are enough food stores to feed all three of its heads. The author would take the time to describe this pokémon as “an aggressive dragon,” but by now, he’s convinced his readers can already figure that part out. They learn Outrage at this point, so if you see one in the wild, godspeed.

Shuppet and Banette

Shuppet
The Puppet Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 353
Entry: This handkerchief-like pokémon floats through the air at night, feeding off negative emotions. It’s particularly attracted to overwhelming feelings of jealousy, vindictiveness, or general anger, and it will congregate with many other shuppet under the eaves of houses where someone is experiencing particularly strong variations of these emotions. For that reason, if you see entire flocks of these pokémon nestled along the gutters of a house, it’s very likely that inside resides a murderer, a scorned lover, or a teenager going through the Hoennian public high school system.

I’m going to assume you’re not thinking of anyone in particular. —LH

…I’ve tried for the past half an hour to come up with something witty to say in response, but I’ve realized saying any one of the things that came to mind would result in terrible, terrible consequences. —Bill

Good boy. —LH

Banette
The Marionette Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 354
Entry: The evolved form of shuppet, by battle experience. This doll-like pokémon is said to have been the reanimated remnants of a discarded toy, given new life by cursed energies trapped within it. Powered by its need for either vengeance or closure, it moves at night, supposedly to seek out its former owner. Typically, when presented with a name that reminds him of one of his colleagues, the author would make a witty comment involving that pokémon and said colleague, but seeing as only one system administrator has a name that rhymes with “banette” and seeing as the author realizes going down this route would be a terrible idea, he’s just going to leave the entry at that. It is a cursed doll pokémon and nothing more, and there is absolutely nothing funny to point out about it. Yes.

Okay, now you’re pushing it. —LH

The Venipede Line

Venipede
The Centipede Pokémon
Type: Bug/Poison
Official Registration #: 543
Entry: An aggressive, centipede-like pokémon native to dark, moist forest floors. Because this pokémon may charge, trainers are advised to take extreme caution if they spot one. Even the smallest scratch from either venipede’s needles or mouthparts can paralyze the large, avian pokémon that prey on it. Granted, it simply causes a localized numbness in human limbs, but let’s just say that it starts off as a literal ankle-biter and then invites its entire swarm to carry on from there.

Whirlipede
The Curlipede Pokémon
Type: Bug/Poison
Official Registration #: 544
Entry: The evolved form of venipede, by battle experience. This pokémon is literally just a wheel studded with venomous spikes. Because it’s not enough for this evolution line to simply paralyze its predators with a venomous bite; they also have to drive themselves into these unfortunate avians (and observing researchers) at high speeds. Luckily, researchers have retaliated by giving it possibly the punniest species designation we have ever been able to consciously muster. Because some of us are petty, and nature is a wondrous thing.

Scolipede
The Megapede Pokémon
Type: Bug/Poison
Official Registration #: 545
Entry: The evolved form of whirlipede, by battle experience. The claws on this giant centipede’s neck are extremely strong: when they grip prey, they never let go. Instead, they crush the prey gradually until it stops moving, at which point scolipede poisons them with its giant, venom-coated horns. Should anyone wish to bring up the fact that this may be overkill, please note that the average scolipede is over eight feet tall, 442 pounds, extremely fast, murderously aggressive, and vastly interested in hearing you tell it how to live its life.

Phantump and Trevenant

Phantump
The Stump Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass
Official Registration #: 708
Entry: This small spirit pokémon is actually a stump possessed by the soul of a child who died while lost in a forest. In light of this, the author once attempted to convince the Pokémon Association to ban the use of this pokémon in battles … until it was found out that in many cases, this is a dream come true for the child-turned-phantump, and to make a long story short, the author spent the next few weeks questioning his life decisions and the world as a whole.

Trevenant
The Elder Tree Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass
Official Registration #: 709
Entry: The evolved form of phantump, via trading. Using its roots as a nervous system, trevenant has the power to tap into and manipulate the trees around it. It most often uses this ability to trap those who harm the forest, but every so often, it traps and confuses children as well, who subsequently die and become phantump. Because no one is more brutal towards children than the spirits of other children, apparently.