The Duskull Line

Duskull
The Requiem Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 355
Entry: A small, reaper-like pokémon native to mountainous regions. This pokémon is quite fond of small children, and it’s known to appear suddenly before crying ones in particular. After that, researchers aren’t entirely sure what happens, but according to Hoennian folklore, it whisks the noisiest ones away in the middle of the night to a strange and wondrous place. The story doesn’t entirely go into what a duskull would do with a child after that point, but the author has no doubt that this pokémon fully intends on making friends with them and feeding them candy.

No, Bill. Just … no. —LH

Dusclops
The Beckon Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 356
Entry: The evolved form of duskull, by battle experience. Dusclops’s body is completely hollow, save for an unending void which is said to suck out one’s soul when they gaze deep into it. How do researchers know that dusclops is hollow save for an unending void that we can’t even directly observe? Well, readers, the author isn’t at liberty to say himself, but it certainly did not involve a stick, three expendable aides, a length of rope, a blindfold, and the distant hope that there would be candy inside.

Dusknoir
The Gripping Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 477
Entry: The evolved form of dusclops, via trading, if the subject is wearing a reaper cloth. The golden disk on this pokémon’s head is actually an antenna through which it receives commands from the spirit world to recapture wandering spirits. Unable to do anything else but comply, dusknoir may stop what it’s doing and seek out a lost spirit. When it finds one, it stuffs the spirit into its pliant body and drags them back to the spirit world. The author also realizes that this satisfies the tastes of at least three different questionably moral internet subcultures, so he’ll end the entry right about here.

The Gible Line

Gible
The Land Shark Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 443
Entry: A short, shark-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Sinnoh. This pokémon burrows in horizontal tunnels embedded within cave walls. From there, it points its face outward and waits for prey to pass by its burrow opening. When something comes close, it launches itself out of its burrow to pounce on and bite the intruder. It’s important to note that this behavior does not stop when tamed; rather, trainers should fully expect to find their clothing gathered in a small, hole-like pile … as well as ample amounts of time spent with a gible attached to their arms shortly after discovering said pile.

Gabite
The Cave Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 444
Entry: The evolved form of gible, by battle experience. Native to dark caves, gabite is attracted to anything that glitters or glows. In the wild, this means it actively hunts down and collects any shiny object it can get its claws on—including jewels, ores, and even trash from trainers—and hoards these in its underground nest. In captivity, this means it is possibly the most entertaining pokémon to introduce a laser pointer to.

Garchomp
The Mach Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 445
Entry: The evolved form of gabite, by battle experience. The short fins on this pokémon’s arms are actually wings that allow it to fly at supersonic speeds to chase down prey. There is no punchline to this entry. The author just wanted to inform all of you that a 209-pound ground-type land shark with wings shorter than its actual claws can apparently fly and that this world is a wondrous place.

The Lotad Line

Lotad
The Water Weed Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 270
Entry: This small, lily pad-like pokémon thrives in the fresh waters of slow-moving streams and ponds. Friendly in nature, lotad like to use the broad lily pad adorning their heads to ferry pokémon across their watery habitat from one shore to another. Unfortunately, given that lotad weigh only five and a half pounds and therefore don’t actually have the strength to support many other pokémon, this is often more difficult than they would think.

Lombre
The Jolly Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 271
Entry: The evolved form of lotad, by battle experience. This nocturnal pokémon spends most of the day underwater, sleeping upon a bed of aquatic moss as its pad soaks up sunlight. In this position, its diminutive stature is sometimes distorted by the surface of the water, causing many anglers to mistake lombre for drowned children, particularly by the Hoennian anglers who find them. Of course, given the fact that lombre’s skin is clearly grass-green (and not in the same way that skin appears after a human body is left to decompose underwater), the fact that a lily pad is permanently affixed to its head, and the fact that lombre is not actually otherwise child-shaped, the author fails to see exactly how lombre may be mistaken for a human child, but he’s not one to question the observations of Hoennian anglers. When they’re within earshot, anyway.

Ludicolo
The Carefree Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 272
Entry: The evolved form of lombre, by exposure to water stone. True to its species designation, ludicolo is a notoriously carefree pokémon that is prone to dancing upon hearing a good beat. Even in the heat of battle, if it hears music, it will burst into a wild, rhythmic dance, and it will not be able to stop until long after the music has ended. One would think this is a disadvantage to the ludicolo, but in truth, it’s actually more of a disadvantage to their opponents. Apparently, ludicolo can beat an opponent into the ground normally, but their power increases if they, quite literally, stomp their enemies into the ground instead. Through salsa dancing.

Ledyba and Ledian

Ledyba
The Five Star Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 165
Entry: A small, ladybug-like pokémon first discovered in the forests of Johto. Ledyba are actually notoriously timid. When one is separated from the rest of its swarm, it will lock up and drop to the ground, unable to move. At all times, it secretes a pleasant aroma in order to alert its fellow ledyba to its location and emotional condition; this scent causes ledyba to swarm around its kin until it feels comfortable enough to join them. Incidentally, it should be noted that this tactic does not work the same way for humans. Please note that spraying oneself copiously with cologne will, in fact, illicit the exact opposite response from anyone who surrounds you. The author may or may not know this from experience.

Ledian
The Five Star Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 166
Entry: The evolved form of ledyba, by battle experience. Because of ledian’s association with the stars (namely, that it gathers starlight for energy), some cultures believe this to be a highly lucky pokémon. Other cultures take ledian’s diminutive stature and affinity for starlight to be symbols of childhood. And still others, on some corners of the internet, “ship” ledian with the traditional symbol of bad luck, black purrloin, for reasons the author is sure makes sense in context, but he would rather not ask his magical girl-loving little sister for further clarification.

Carvanha and Sharpedo

Carvanha
The Savage Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 318
Entry: A piranha-like pokémon native to warm, freshwater rivers. Although carvanha is known for its viciousness, it is actually a highly social pokémon among its own kind. When left in the same body of water with carvanha just as vicious as it is, an individual carvanha specimen will school with others, forming groups capable of ripping apart even the bulkiest wailmer. However, on its own, carvanha become docile, shy, and even a little skittish, which some believe is an accurate depiction of most people who spend any amount of time on the internet.

Sharpedo
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 319
Entry: The evolved form of carvanha, by battle experience. This shark-like pokémon possesses fangs that can rip through the steel hulls of ships (and grow back if they snap off in their efforts to do so), barbed skin capable of lacerating anything that comes into physical contact with it, powerful fins that can propel it up to 75 miles per hour at prey, and a keen sense of smell that can detect the smallest drop of blood from yards away. With all of this in combination, sharpedo is often nicknamed “the Bully of the Sea,” which is unfortunate because sharpedo is actually a gentle pokémon that only wants affection.

Sorry, no, it indiscriminately rips apart anything that enters its watery territory short of anything else that has the audacity to train it.

Numel and Camerupt

Numel
The Numb Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 322
Entry: True to its species designation, this small, camel-like pokémon is known for its dense nature; it doesn’t notice when it’s been hit until much later. Of course, this pokémon’s body is also a walking cauldron containing magma that reaches temperatures in excess of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, so even if it fails to notice when it’s being hit, that doesn’t necessarily mean hitting it is a good idea.

Camerupt
The Eruption Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 323
Entry: The evolved form of numel, by battle experience. The “volcanoes” on this camel-like pokémon’s back are actually bone protrusions with direct connections to camerupt’s magma reservoirs. Said reservoirs are normally the source of camerupt’s fire-based abilities, but every ten years—or whenever camerupt is angered—these volcanoes erupt, spewing super-heated molten magma dozens of feet into the air. How can this pokémon’s volcanoes erupt with such force, without harming their camerupt host? That is an excellent question, reader! The answer is [CONTENT TO BE INSERTED WHEN THERE ACTUALLY IS AN ANSWER]

Croagunk and Toxicroak

Croagunk
The Toxic Mouth Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fighting
Official Registration #: 453
Entry: This frog-like pokémon may be recognizable to sports fans, as it’s highly popular as a mascot for various teams. Of course, this is perfect, as the author can think of no pokémon more appropriate to serve as a representation for good sportsmanship than one known for fighting dirty and stabbing opponents with its strong, poison-tipped fingers whenever they least expect it.

Toxicroak
The Toxic Mouth Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fighting
Official Registration #: 454
Entry: The evolved form of croagunk, by battle experience. Many parts of toxicroak’s body are actually highly dangerous and are either containers for or coated with an extremely potent venom. Its claws, for example, are tipped with a venom that can kill an adult human being with the lightest scratch, its skin can induce paralysis seconds after contact, and its mouth—for which its species was named—is capable of spewing toxic gas and sludge. In fact, toxicroak’s distinctive croaking is actually part of its battle tactics by serving it two advantages. First, the act of croaking vibrates the poison sac on its throat and shakes the venom inside to increase its potency. Second, as noted earlier, toxicroak’s croak is highly distinctive and recognizable, so the croak itself brings toxicroak’s attention onto individuals who may be ideal choices of prey … by chasing away anything intelligent enough to fight back.

Buizel and Floatzel

Buizel
The Sea Weasel Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 418
Entry: This small, weasel-like pokémon uses the flotation sac around its neck to stay afloat, even in the swiftest of currents. In order to swim against these currents, it twirls its double tails around, which drives its body forward like the propeller of a motor boat. Incidentally, the author is told that this sort of behavior may be reminiscent of a certain fictional mammal that uses its double tails to fly—which, in the author’s humble opinion, is thoroughly ridiculous. Who ever heard of a creature flying by twirling its tails about? That defies at least one law of aerodynamics! At least buizel’s tail propeller is founded in science.

Floatzel
The Sea Weasel Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 419
Entry: The evolved form of buizel, by battle experience. Floatzel are known for the floatation sacs around their necks, as well as their habit of swimming close to sea ports. These sacs, originally developed to aid in floatzel’s hunting abilities, enable this weasel-like pokémon to glide at high speeds along the surface of the water, as well as stay afloat, regardless of how much weight it carries. Hence why it makes its home around marinas, actually: the sac allows floatzel to carry off prey and rescue people that have fallen into the water. Of course, it should be worth it to note that it will occasionally do the reverse and carry off people and “rescue” prey, particularly throughout trout fishing season in its native Sinnoh.

The Slakoth Line

Slakoth
The Slacker Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 287
Entry: A sloth-like pokémon first discovered in the Hoennian jungles. This pokémon spends most of its day lying listlessly on the jungle floor or draped across tree branches. The hours it does not do this, it spends sleeping or reaching lazily for food. Even those who have observed it (for science, of course) have often reported a sudden, strong urge to do as the slakoth does by lying listlessly about the forest floor. For this reason, it was originally thought that slakoth could be part-psychic, but upon deeper studying, it was discovered that, no, a certain portion of the Pokémon Symposium just wishes they could be as lazy and carefree as slakoth.

Vigoroth
The Wild Monkey Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 288
Entry: The evolved form of slakoth, by battle experience. Researchers aren’t quite sure why vigoroth, the middle evolution of the pokémon embodiments of sloth, is unable to keep still. Some think it has to do with the species’ increase in heart rate, but this still doesn’t explain why the change occurred. Others believe vigoroth’s body naturally produces caffeine, but not only is this not true, but it also doesn’t make sense from a scientific standpoint. Still others believe that when you spend twenty hours of your day dozing and the other four hours actually sleeping, it just stands to reason that you’ll be particularly energetic upon waking up (to the point of being downright irritable and potentially violent if anyone attempts to get you to stay still). The author’s closest colleagues would like to go on record to state they know someone with heavily strange sleep cycles consisting of a day of solid sleep, followed by three days of barely any at all, during which he “works himself into the ground” and “vehemently objects to any attempt to get him to sleep,” so therefore, they consider this to be a valid theory. The author, meanwhile, would also like to go on record to state first of all…

Slaking
The Lazy Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 289
Entry: The evolved form of vigoroth, by battle experience. Supposedly the laziest pokémon in existence, slaking barely moves at all and spends much of its lifetime asleep, much like its preevolved form, slakoth. However, it does move, specifically to shift itself into a new spot whenever food is no longer within reach. While this is pretty lazy, it’s been recently outclassed by Alola’s pyukumuku, which doesn’t move at all, even when its reachable food sources have been depleted, unless physically picked up by a human and thrown back out to sea. When slaking have been studied side-by-side with pyukumuku, it was found that slaking rapidly develop extreme envy towards pyukumuku and would, if they didn’t weigh 288 pounds, adopt very similar behaviors.

The Snover Line

Snover
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 459
Entry: Although this short pokémon strongly resembles a snow-covered tree throughout the year, it is actually highly responsive to the seasons. For one, it migrates: in the warmer months, it migrates to the top of its mountainous habitat to live in the colder climes, whereas during the colder months, it migrates to the food-rich foothills to breed. Likewise, during the spring, just before it makes its journey up the mountain, it sprouts berries the texture of frozen treats all over its belly and chest. … The author highly suggests that you do not put too much thought into the second trait.

Abomasnow
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 460
Entry: The evolved form of snover, by battle experience. These giant snow monsters are known for their reclusiveness and protectiveness towards their own kind. To protect themselves and their newborn snover, they whip up giant blizzards to conceal their location. In that way, their snover may get up and migrate up their mountainous territory in peace. Travelers who wander through these abomasnow-induced blizzards may stumble across what appear to be moving parts of forests. On the negative side, this greatly increases those travelers’ chances of getting horribly lost within the dizzying, bitter-cold storm. ~~On the positive side, such a sight is incredible to behold if the traveler is on the right combination of psychoactive substa~~

Actually, never mind.