The Roselia Line

Budew
The Bud Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 406
Entry: This small, bud-like pokémon is often seen sitting by sources of clean water, waiting for sunny days. When it feels the sun on its leaves, it opens its flower to release pollen to gently scatter about its body. Of course, as readers may expect having read this blog for this long, by “pollen,” the author means “Stun Spore and possibly Worry Seed,” and by “to gently scatter about its body,” he means “to stun and subsequently maim any human who thought he would be perfectly fine if he just got another foot closer so that he may study them for the sake of science.”

Roselia
The Thorn Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 315
Entry: The evolved form of budew, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness and exposure to sunlight. Roselia’s vibrantly colored, rose-shaped hands release a splendid aroma capable of soothing even the most stressed human. However, these hands also conceal sharp thorns in place of stamens, anthers, or digits. These thorns are hollow and contain two different types of venom, both of which are capable of rendering the healthiest human unconscious in a matter of seconds. Likewise, its crown of thorns contains a third poison capable of doing the same, and roselia as a whole use this collection of thorns, in combination with their alluring scent, to hunt. Thus, if someone tells you to “stop and smell the roses,” it is best to assume that they hate you and wish for you to be stabbed in the face repeatedly.

Roserade
The Bouquet Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 407
Entry: The evolved form of roselia, by exposure to shiny stone. Elegant and nimble, roserade is prized for its disarming talents. Beyond the alluring scent it has inherited from its preevolved form, roserade is capable of dancing across battlefields and striking with incredible speed and precision using poisonous, binding whips. However, seeing as roserade cannot actually learn Vine Whip and seeing as Poison Whip is not a valid move as far as any league is concerned, this information is basically useless to trainers.

The Mantine Line

Mantyke
The Kite Pokémon
Type: Water/Flying
Official Registration #: 458
Entry: A sizable, manta ray-like pokémon native to the cooler seas of southern Sinnoh. Mantyke are often seen swimming within schools of remoraid. It’s not because mantyke eat them, of course. Rather, it seems that mantyke form symbiotic partnerships with the remoraid. Remoraid parasites that may latch onto mantyke’s fins, so the mantyke benefit from the relationship by having pokémon clean its fins as it swims. The remoraid, meanwhile, benefit from the relationship by seeing much of the world thanks to the mantyke. This is possible because cleaning the mantyke enables it to evolve, which in turn means the remoraid can cling to a much stronger and faster pokémon that can ferry them longer distances across the ocean. That and mantyke’s evolution, mantine, are known for breaching the ocean’s surface and flying up to 300 feet in the air, so the remoraid clinging to it can, quite literally, see much of the world before plummeting back to the ocean’s surface.

Mantine
The Kite Pokémon
Type: Water/Flying
Official Registration #: 226
Entry: The evolved form of mantyke, by battle experience, if the subject is in close proximity to remoraid. This elegant pokémon is known for its maneuverability. Not only can it glide through the water at top speeds, but it’s also capable of breaching the surface and leaping up to 300 feet in the air before diving back into the ocean depths. Scientists are not entirely sure why mantine breach; theories include for communication, for mating, or simply for fun. What is known is that it’s rather alarming to all parties observing a breaching mantine … including the remoraid that normally cling to the undersides of mantine’s fins (until it reaches a height of about 100 feet, of course).

The Poochyena Line

Poochyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 261
Entry: This small, puppy-like pokémon is best known for its persistent nature. Often seen in packs, when one member spots potential prey, no matter how large it is, the entire pack goes after that victim until said victim is exhausted … or until the victim strikes back. The latter condition is admittedly less known within the research community, likely because it’s very easy to forget that part when chased halfway across the Hoennian grasslands by an entire pack of tenacious canines with massive fangs.

Mightyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 262
Entry: The evolved form of poochyena, by battle experience. Mightyena are highly intelligent pokémon of great ethological interest to the pokémon research community. They possess highly loyal natures that helps them to form packs in the wild, but in captivity, this loyalty instead drives them to bond deeply with humans they recognize as being strong trainers. In addition, much of their communication with either their packs or their trainers happens through complex body language. Even the most minute shift can mean the difference between happiness and aggression. For example, mightyena indicate happiness and comfort by wagging their tails from left to right. However, a mightyena that wags its tail from right to left is indicating extreme discomfort. Certainly, this difference may seem a little bit too difficult for the average human to spot, but if it helps, the tail wagging is also typically done as the mightyena flattens itself, growls deeply, bares its fangs, and generally looks like it’s about to rip one apart. Subtle clues, yes, but they’re very important subtle clues, in the author’s opinion.

The Marill Line

Azurill
The Polka Dot Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 298
Entry: This small, mouse-like pokémon is actually best known for its ability to bounce about on its rubbery, nutrient-filled tail. However, it’s actually considered to be scientifically interesting because the phenomenon in which some female azurill evolve into male marill. There are a few theories as to why this is, including the idea that azurill’s gender shifts in response to environmental changes in combination with the boost in energy caused by evolution. Of course, a more practical theory is that male and female azurill are nearly indistinguishable from one another and that many male azurill are mistakenly classified as female due to inadequate gendering methods for the species. A study could be launched to see if the latter is the case—and, if it is, to rectify the situation—but frankly put, it’s either correcting a system of classification the azurill themselves have no concept of or finding a cure to azurill tail cancer.

Marill
The Aqua Mouse Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 183
Entry: The evolved form of azurill, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. Marill possess a water-repellant tail and coat of fur, which in conjunction with each other, make it impossible for marill to drown. In the wild, this allows marill to forage for food even in the swiftest of currents without having to worry about being dragged under, but in captivity, some trainers see it as an opportunity. Tamed marill are frequently used by novice trainers to ferry themselves across the water using Surf, Whirlpool, Waterfall, or all three moves in combination. However, it’s worth it to note that the author has just specified novice trainers, as experienced trainers have quickly learned that a foot-tall mouse with aqua-repellant fur may be able to keep themselves from drowning, but keeping a five-foot-tall, 100+-pound human from doing the same is an entirely different story.

Azumarill
The Aqua Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 184
Entry: The evolved form of marill, by battle experience. This rabbit-like pokémon is known for its long ears and bubble pattern. The bubble pattern gives it camouflage in the water, and its long ears are excellent sensors that allow it to detect even the most minute prey. Using both in combination allow it to glide through the water undetected until it comes across and pounces on its next meal. One may wonder why azumarill, a pokémon that strongly resembles an exclusively herbivorous animal, has the carnivorous tendency of hunting for and pouncing on food, to which the author responds with, “Azumarill are native to Johto. Have you ever seen the aquatic plants of Johto? I thought not. They’re vicious, chief. They will eat your arm right off if you’re not careful around them.”

The Clamperl Line

Clamperl
The Bivalve Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 366
Entry: This oyster-like pokémon is protected by a rock-hard shell throughout most of its life. It keeps this shell clamped shut at all times, protecting itself from virtually every threat. Not even the most persistent corphish can crack its shell and get at the tender meat inside. The only time clamperl’s shell opens is when it’s close to evolution, when it grows too big to close its shell properly. Before then—and right up until evolution—it expends a great deal of energy crafting its signature pearl. It creates only one of these in its lifetime, spending every waking moment shaping this pearl to perfection within the safety of its shell. This pearl is clamperl’s first and only treasure, an object worth so much to each individual clamperl that it may bring the pokémon to tears just by looking at it. So naturally, the second clamperl opens its shell, the pearl is perfectly safe and sound and carried with that clamperl through evolution. (Just kidding. It’s instantly lifted by a grumpig using telekinesis from the shoreline to be given to a newborn spoink.)

Huntail
The Deep Sea Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 367
Entry: The evolved form of clamperl, via trading if the subject has been given a deep sea tooth. Using its tail—which is shaped like a small fish—huntail glides through the murky depths of the sea and attracts fish and smaller water pokémon. Once its prey gets close, huntail whirls around, unhinges its jaw, and swallows its prey whole. The act of unhinging its jaw opens its mouth wide, almost to unnatural degrees, and it can be quite alarming to watch. However, despite this ability and huntail’s already alarming appearance, huntail is not the most horrifying deep-sea creature in existence. That particular note of recognition goes to…

Gorebyss
The South Sea Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 368
Entry: The evolved form of clamperl, via trading if the subject has been given a deep sea scale. This beautiful pokémon glides elegantly through the depths of warm oceans. Its brilliant, pink or golden scales shimmer as it moves—especially during the spring, when its coloration turns even more vivid. This change in color is likely because spring is typically the beginning of the mating season for most other water-types, a time when they are largely distracted and unable to notice a passing gorebyss until it stabs its thin, dagger-like mouth into their potential mates’ bodies and drains them of all their bodily fluids.

Hello Bill, can you please do an entry on Finneon and Lumineon? They’re my favorite forgotten Pokemon, and I love them even though most people don’t even know that they exist.

Well, I certainly can’t turn down a request like this, especially when I agree it’s unfortunate that finneon and lumineon seem to be overshadowed in the fish pokémon enthusiast communities by the likes of goldeen, feebas, and magikarp.

….

And yes, there are, in fact, fish pokémon enthusiast communities.

Finneon
The Wing Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 456
Entry: A small, neon tetra-like pokémon first discovered in the waters of Sinnoh. The pink designs along the sides of its body and within its fins contain specialized cells that can store sunlight and release it at certain intervals (usually whenever the subject is attempting to attract prey or a mate). Additionally, as it swims, finneon fan out its double tail fins, and this, combined with the beauty of the light it emits, have earned it the nickname “beautifly of the sea.” This, of course, means finneon is the second fish-like pokémon whose name calls to mind another creature, but unlike in lanturn’s case, the pokémon involved in the comparison couldn’t care less, largely because finneon’s attempts at flight generally leave actual beautifly rather unimpressed.

Lumineon
The Neon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 457
Entry: The evolved form of finneon, by battle experience. Using its pectoral fins, this butterflyfish-like pokémon crawls across the ocean floor to avoid predators. As it crawls, it lights up patterns on its large, billowing tail fins to attract prey. In this manner, it competes with lanturn, who uses similar mechanisms to hunt, dwells in the same general habitat, and is also in a pokémon family frequently compared to a completely different creature. However, given the fact that lanturn can emit powerful electrical attacks and the fact that lumineon boasts no resistance to said electrical attacks whatsoever, lanturn are generally about as impressed with lumineon as beautifly are with finneon. Which is to say, not at all, regardless of how much the poor things try.

Gulpin and Swalot

Gulpin
The Stomach Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 316
Entry: The rubbery body of this foot-tall, sac-like pokémon consists of a large stomach but small heart, brain, and other internal organs. Thus, it thinks of very little else besides consuming anything in front of it. The enzymes contained within its stomach are so corrosive they may dissolve practically anything, including solid metal. Needless to say, as it digests, the breakdown of said objects may release gases that are extremely foul-smelling in nature. It is thus a pokémon that only thinks about food and releases foul-smelling odors at random intervals … or, in other words, the perfect pokémon representation of that one roommate you may have had in college.

Swalot
The Poison Bag Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 317
Entry: The evolved form of gulpin, by battle experience. This formidable pokémon is known for its hunting habits. When it encounters potential prey (which is to say, more or less anything that moves and can fit in its mouth), it sprays an acidic, toxic fluid from its skin to weaken and paralyze the object. Once its prey is weakened, swalot will scoop it up with its cavernous mouth and swallow it whole, to be digested within its sizable, rubbery stomach. At this point, the author would like to share that he is well aware that, like the entry on lopunny, this is also something that induces thoughts of questionable virtue among some of his readers. Therefore, he would like to restate that if you happen to be one of those people, the author is not going to judge you for your interests, but he would prefer it if he didn’t know about which of you this would apply to.

Buneary and Lopunny

Buneary
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 427
Entry: A foot-tall, rabbit-like pokémon native to temperate forests. It’s easy to determine the mood of a buneary by its body language, particularly regarding its ears. If its ears are relaxed and extended (particularly if this is coupled with a “flop,” or an act in which the buneary dramatically flips onto its side), then the buneary feels safe, loved, and relaxed, and it’s fine to engage with it. If, however, the buneary is tense, drawing its entire body up into a ball, and curling its ears, then it feels threatened, and a human should approach with caution. Certainly, it may seem odd that the author would advise caution when approaching anything so small and adorable, but it’s worth it to note that buneary are capable of extending their ears in lightning-fast punches capable of shattering boulders … and that the human nose and jaw are far, far less resilient than a boulder.

Lopunny
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 428
Entry: The evolved form of buneary, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. This tall, slender rabbit pokémon has delicate, sensitive ears and long, powerful legs. If one touches their ears, lopunny will lash out with strong kicks. Additionally, these pokémon are cautious to the extreme, and they will often hide behind their long, elegant ears when they sense danger. Between the length of their legs and the sensuous poses they need to strike in order to hide themselves behind their ears, the author would like to take this particular moment to remind his readers that lopunny are rabbit-like pokémon and that if this doesn’t change the thought processes of those of you who know who they are, the author would prefer it if you didn’t tell him.

Chinchou and Lanturn

Chinchou
The Angler Pokémon
Type: Water/Electric
Official Registration #: 170
Entry: A small, anglerfish-like pokémon that lives in the depths of the ocean. Due to its habitat in the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean, chinchou rely on the light they emit from their dual antennae to attract prey and to communicate with other chinchou. They illuminate these antennae by channeling electrical energy through their wire-like stalks, straight to their bulbs. Given the fact that these pokémon are exclusively oceanic and given salt water’s tendency to conduct electricity, one would think that a pokémon generating enough electricity to illuminate two bulbs for extended periods of time would be extremely dangerous, but in actuality, this process only leaves a chinchou with a slight tingling sensation as a result. On the other hand, it electrocutes everything (except other chinchou) within a ten-foot radius of the chinchou in question, but at least the chinchou itself is fine.

Lanturn
The Light Pokémon
Type: Water/Electric
Official Registration #: 171
Entry: The evolved form of chinchou, by battle experience. Known for the brilliant light it emits from its antennae, lanturn is referred to colloquially as “the sea-star”—a reputation that is largely uncontested by the starmie it shares its habitat with, largely because starmie know exactly how weak to Discharges they are. Contrary to popular belief, lanturn do not produce their light—which is so bright that it can illuminate the surface even if the lanturn is three miles deep—from electrical currents. Instead, lanturn produce their light through chemical reactions between the bodily fluids and symbiotic bacteria contained within its antenna bulbs. This, of course, conserves electrical energy, which is of great benefit to lanturn in the event that a starmie would like to object to lanturn’s colloquial name.

Relicanth

Relicanth
The Longevity Pokémon
Type: Water/Rock
Official Registration #: 369
Entry: This rare, coelacanth-like pokémon is considered a living fossil. In the 100 million years that it has existed in the deep seas of Hoenn, it has not changed in the slightest. While civilizations, species, and even its own environment itself have changed with the passing of eons, relicanth continued onward through time, surviving just as its ancestors had in the Cretaceous Period. Thus, remember, readers. No matter how harsh the world is around you, do as the relicanth does and remember that it’s relicanth, not relican’tth.