The Mareep Line

Mareep
The Wool Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 179
Entry: A two-foot-tall, sheep-like pokémon native to the fields of Johto. This shy and docile pokémon stores electricity in its fluffy wool. The more electricity it stores, the more its wool puffs out. Eventually, the wool falls off naturally, and at that point, it can be collected and spun. If used immediately, mareep yarn can serve as a handy natural battery for small devices. However, if allowed to discharge its electricity through a grounder over a period of two days, it can be used as an adequate (albeit slightly glowing) substitute for yarn made of sheep wool. It is thus favored by crafters for its brilliant properties, as mareep wool can add shine and glitter to most knitting projects. Such as, for example, a … rather charming autumn sweater a grandmother sends to her grandson who doesn’t have the heart to tell her he hasn’t worn sweaters in years.

Flaaffy
The Wool Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 180
Entry: The evolved form of mareep, by battle experience. A two-and-a-half-foot-tall sheep-like pokémon native to the fields of northern Johto. Also: a sheep half-covered in coarse, electrified wool and half-covered in rubbery, non-conductive skin. Also: apparently what androids dream of, the author has been told.

Ampharos
The Light Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 181
Entry: The evolved form of flaaffy, by battle experience. Although ampharos loses its evolutionary line’s signature wool (except in its mega-evolved form, in which it gains long, flowing locks), it gains a tail tipped with a jewel capable of emitting brilliant light. This light is so bright it can be seen from space if wielded by a healthy (and perhaps angry) ampharos. Knowing this, the people of ancient, seafaring civilizations often used ampharos, both to communicate over long distances and to guide ships around rocky shores. It is therefore one of the few pokémon that has ever guided entire naval fleets using the power of its rear end.

Wooper and Quagsire

Wooper
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 194
Entry: This amphibious pokémon typically lives in the cold, freshwater ponds and rivers of Johto. However, at night and when the weather grows cooler, it leaves these sources to search for food on land. When not in water, wooper coats itself with a thin, poisonous film of slime, which functions as both a means of keeping its body moist and a self-defense mechanism. Even the slightest touch can send shooting pains throughout a human’s body, and prolonged or excessive exposure can lead to paralysis and nerve damage. Unfortunately for trainers and the variety of researcher who can gain the love and friendship of a pokémon almost instantly, wooper is also infamous for its high level of affection and its tendency to leap at a human being and lovingly rub its face into its target’s.

Quagsire
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 195
Entry: The evolved form of wooper, by battle experience. This carefree pokémon often floats along the surface of shallow, freshwater swamps, lakes, and rivers with its mouth open, and in this manner, it conserves energy and survives off of only whatever swims into its mouth. Because it expends so little energy in navigating its environment, it has a tendency to bump into obstacles and let them repel it back towards the center of its home. This includes boat hulls, which often resulted in injury for the quagsire as it came in contact with the boat’s propeller. Consequently, campaigns were launched throughout the 80s and 90s to save the quagsire, which in turn meant an extreme amount of human effort had been expended for the sake of both awareness of the quagsire’s plight, as well as the preservation of both the quagsire and its habitat. As of late, such campaigns are much quieter than they had been decades ago, partly because it was determined that the quagsire’s carefree and oblivious nature often got itself injured regardless of the presence of boat propellers in its waters and partly because it was also determined that just about the only activity quagsire spent an extraordinary amount of energy on was mating—which it did far more than any other pokémon in existence. (Putting it another way, the lakes of southern Johto aren’t murky because of mud or pollution…)

Sentret and Furret

Sentret
The Scout Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 161
Entry: A meerkat-like pokémon native to the grasslands of Johto. This small pokémon is famous for its highly cautious nature. It lives in groups and typically keeps itself low to the ground, within the brown, dry grasses of Johtonian fields. However, whenever it senses danger, it raises itself up on its thick tail to stand high above the grass and scans the immediate area for the source of its unease. The inches its tail adds to its height makes it easy for sentret to scan wide swaths of land … and for predators such as pidgeot, fearow, and trainers with impeccable aim to catch it right out of the grasses.

Furret
The Long Body Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 162
Entry: The evolved form of sentret, by battle experience. Because its body is slender as it is long, wild furret are capable of burrowing maze-like nests miles long. These nests are frequently so narrow that even rattata have difficulty squeezing through. In captivity, meanwhile, this behavior rarely changes, and trainers may need to be aware of keeping their valuables (such as, for example, your passport the night before you’re to leave for a conference in Unova) well-hidden to avoid having them buried deep in their backyards, in corners of nests that may only be excavated via Dig or a disgruntled furret.

The Magby Line

Magby
The Live Coal Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 240
Entry: This baby pokémon has magma-like blood that circulates throughout its body. Because of the heat generated by this blood, the average magby’s body temperature can reach temperatures in excess of 1100 degrees Fahrenheit. Additionally, the fires it spits out are directly related to its body temperature and are therefore a clear indicator of both its health and moods. A depressed and/or sick magby is only capable of exhaling small puffs of black smoke, but a healthy and/or excited magby can spit out balls of flames or even full-on Flamethrowers. Thus, perhaps one could say magby is hot-blooded.

Puns? Seriously? Why would you do that? —LH

Magmar
The Spitfire Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 126
Entry: The evolved form of magby, by battle experience. Native to volcanic environments, magmar’s entire body is built to withstand—and exude—great amounts of heat. Its own body temperature is over 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, and its skin contains hundreds of vents through which both heat and fire can escape. Consequently, the air around it is constantly shimmering and wavering, which distorts an onlooker’s view of this pokémon and makes it difficult for researchers to get a clear image of it. This is unfortunate, largely because researchers aren’t quite sure what, precisely, magmar is meant to resemble. Is it a bird-like pokémon? An iguana-like one? Something that strongly resembles a figure from ancient Johtonian mythology? We just don’t know, but it’s been a popular debate among the scientific community for decades. You could say It’s a hot topic.

Oh my gods. —LH

Magmortar
The Blast Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 467
Entry: The evolved form of magmar, via trading if the subject has had a magmarizer applied to it. As the final stage in an evolution line known for intense body temperatures, magmortar is no different. This dangerous pokémon is native to volcanic craters, where it may be surrounded by volcanic vents and a rugged terrain that can either provide or withstand the incredible heat it needs to survive. Magmortar itself has a body temperature that has not yet been measured by researchers, partly because it has a tendency to melt equipment before recordings can be taken and partly because it shoots fireballs of over 3600 degrees Fahrenheit from the cannons at the ends of both of its arms. Needless to say, this pokémon certainly has a tendency to heat things up in the average researcher’s laboratory.

Bill. —LH

The Elekid Line

Elekid
The Electric Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 239
Entry: This baby, plug-like pokémon generates electricity by spinning its arms around quickly. The faster it spins its arms, the more electricity it generates, and the more electricity it generates, the more likely the area between its prong-shaped horns begins to glow blue. At that point, even the air around elekid may be super-charged with electricity, and given the fact that elekid struggles to store the electricity it generates, approaching this pokémon at this point may be a bad idea. However, the air between its prongs always carries some form of charge capable of shocking any unwary human who sticks their hand between them. Or, at least, that’s according to the pokédex. According to the author, if you’re a human who approaches a pokémon incapable of storing electricity to stick its hands directly between its horns, you have wandered far out of “unwary” territory and straight into “asking for it” territory.

Electabuzz
The Electric Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 125
Entry: The evolved form of elekid, by battle experience. This oni-like pokémon constantly consumes and discharges vast amounts of electricity. In fact, the quantity of energy that passes into and out of electabuzz’s body causes its skin to glow in darkness and the hair of anyone within five feet of it to stand on end. While research is still ongoing into harnessing this electricity for human use, among electabuzz colonies, individual electabuzz use their abilities for communication: when two electabuzz touch, they can pass currents between them in order to convey emotion. Needless to say, electabuzz trainers should be aware that not all electabuzz understand that humans are not odd-looking electabuzz.

Electivire
The Thunderbolt Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 466
Entry: The evolved form of electabuzz, via trading if the subject has had an electirizer applied to it. This beast-like pokémon is capable of unleashing over 20000 volts of electricity from the tips of its tails. Thus, it often pushes these tails into an opponent to deliver a devastating blow … or into their trainers because they’ve eaten nothing but kibble for three months straight.

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.

Seel and Dewgong

Seel
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 86
Entry: A three-foot-tall seal-like pokémon native to colder waters. As with all adorable pokémon, seel is a dangerous predator, capable of hunting down prey in the arctic seas by ramming into them with its sturdy horn and then ripping into them with its fangs. This, of course, isn’t the part that shocks people the most about it. Rather, what shocks people the most is the fact that, contrary to its pokédex classification, it’s light blue, not white.

Dewgong
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water/Ice
Official Registration #: 87
Entry: The evolved form of seel, by battle experience. This pokémon has the tendency to find icebergs, drag its body onto it, and curl up for a nap. In ancient times, mariners would stumble across lounging dewgong and mistake them for mermaids. This either says a lot about dewgong’s beauty or a lot about the mariners’ understanding of what women look like—the author has never been quite sure which.

Goldeen and Seaking

Goldeen
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 118
Entry: A large, goldfish-like pokémon that thrives in clean rivers. Goldeen’s fins billow elegantly as it swims, and its scales flash with a brilliant silver and gold shine, which is why it has become so appealing to humans. For centuries, goldeen were seen as symbols of high class and nobility, and breeders strove to rear the perfect goldeen. Consequently, humans tend to think that goldeen are easy to raise … which is why this rather ornery fish’s ability to jam its horn at alarmingly high speed into any passerby for no apparent reason frequently takes new goldeen trainers and small children by surprise.

Seaking
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 119
Entry: The evolved form of goldeen, by battle experience. Although massive as an adult and just as elegant as its preevolved form, seaking is neither a pokémon that lives in the sea nor royalty. Researchers are not quite sure how it got the title, but it’s apparently officially recognized according to some government bodies. United Nations meetings tend to be rather odd as a result.

I almost want to hear the explanation behind this entry, but I’m afraid of what you would actually say. —LH

Krabby and Kingler

Krabby
The River Crab Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 98
Entry: A small, crab-like pokémon that thrives in clean rivers and on sandy, unpolluted seashores. Krabby is known for two things. First, that it is an aggressive, territorial pokémon that uses its large claws for self-defense, but these claws are also fairly easy to damage and remove at the socket. This aids humans in the second thing krabby is known for, which is sweet and juicy leg meat that goes great in salads, gumbo, or even by itself with just a bit of lemon or butter.

Kingler
The Pincer Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 99
Entry: The evolved form of krabby, by battle experience. As one can gather from its species designation, this giant, crab-like pokémon is best known for its massive pincers, which are capable of delivering fantastically devastating blows. However, as the pincer makes up more than a third of kingler’s body weight, it’s actually rather unwieldy to move, which means it’s fairly easy to flip kingler over and attack its weak point for massive damage.

Bill. It is 2016, not 2006. Honestly. —LH

The Hitmons!

Ah, a challenge, but one I’m certainly willing to oblige!

Tyrogue
The Scuffle Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 236
Entry: This small, childlike pokémon can be a challenge for many new trainers. It requires daily training to maintain its mental health, and if it is denied of its routine training period or if it feels that its trainer is ignoring it for any reason, it will immediately punch its human with as much force as it can muster. On the one hand, they say “no pain, no gain,” and tyrogue trainers tend to be incredibly fit by the time their partners are ready to evolve. On the other hand, they also say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and the author did say “tend to be” and not “most certainly are.”

Hitmonlee
The Kicking Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 106
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is stronger offensively than defensively. Hitmonlee’s legs are quite literally pure muscle; it requires no real bone structure due to the tightly coiled mass of muscle serving as support instead. Because of this, hitmonlee’s legs are notoriously elastic and long, capable of uncoiling and stretching up to double or even triple their resting length. This allows hitmonlee to land devastatingly powerful kicks on distant foes … and to land some of the most lucrative modeling careers in the modeling industry.

Hitmonchan
The Punching Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 107
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is stronger defensively than offensively. Both of hitmonchan’s fists are hard as rock and extremely dextrous, and because of this, it can punch through solid concrete with both hands, regardless of dominance. Additionally, it’s said that hitmonchan is infused with the spirit of a pro boxer who had been working towards a world championship. Whether or not this is true—and, if it is, which pro boxer—is difficult to say, but it is known that playing “Eye of the Tiger” in the presence of any member of this species will cause them to feel compelled to run up the steps of the nearest art museum.

Hitmontop
The Handstand Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 237
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is equally strong in both offense and defense. Hitmontop is known for its graceful, dance-like kicks, which it launches by flipping itself upside-down and spinning around on its horn towards its enemy. One would think striking a solid object while spinning upside-down at high speeds on a fine point would only knock the attacker over, but pokémon are wonderful, magical beings, and it’s perhaps not worth it to question the physics of hitmontop when we share this world with thirteen-pound rodents that are capable of releasing 100,000 volts of electricity from their cheeks.