The Spheal Line

Spheal
The Clap Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 363
Entry: Despite being a large, seal-like pokémon, spheal are not particularly good swimmers. Instead, they travel from place to place by either rolling their ball-like bodies or by using their rubbery flesh to bounce from spot to spot. Due to their adorable appearance and largely docile nature, tamed spheal can sometimes be mistaken for toys. It is possible to distinguish spheal from rubber balls by bouncing them and determining which one claps; spheal will clap in response to either pleasure or excitement, including excitement of the negative sort.

Edit: As a disclaimer, the author has been informed by his editor that he is required to say that the above is a terrible suggestion and that one must not attempt to bounce spheal, lest they wish to be “Ice Balled in the face” for their efforts.

Sealeo
The Ball Roll Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 364
Entry: The evolved form of spheal, by battle experience. Contrary to popular belief, sealeo are large, seal-like pokémon famous for balancing objects—including spheal—on their highly sensitive noses in order to thoroughly investigate their properties. Celio, whose name is a homophone to the pokémon species, is the administrator of the Sevii Islands storage system and regrets to inform all readers that he cannot, in fact, balance anything on his nose at all, short of his glasses.

Walrein
The Ice Break Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 365
Entry: The evolved form of sealeo, by battle experience. This large, walrus-like pokémon is rarely found on the beaches of colder regions. It is known for both its massive tusks, which are capable of shattering thick sheets of ice, and its blubber, which is capable of protecting itself from both subzero temperatures and physical blows … which is odd to say, as walrein’s primary weaknesses are actually fighting-types, rock-type techniques, beartic claws, and human-made harpoons, all of which the author is told are rather physical in nature.

Bergmite and Avalugg

Bergmite
The Ice Chunk Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 712
Entry: This three-foot-tall iceberg pokémon lives in the coldest, most mountainous reaches of Kalos. Humans should be warned when approaching this pokémon. It lives in vast herds, and when encountered, it will defend itself by collaborating with other bergmite to freeze opponents in solid blocks of ice. These blocks are then meticulously maintained by other members of the herd, who will repair cracks in the ice by freezing it solid again. While rescue missions for bergmite victims may consequently take up to a week, on the positive side, victims do make rather attractive decorations until rescued.

Since when are you the sort to look for the positive in a terrible situation? —LH

Since I lost a week to a bergmite colony but gained incredibly valuable insight into their tastes in interior design. —Bill

Avalugg
The Iceberg Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 713
Entry: The evolved form of bergmite, by battle experience. This giant pokémon is made of solid ice so compacted that it’s not only one of the heaviest pokémon in existence, but also, its body can crush anything that stands in its way. It is said that wandering avalugg are consequently responsible for a number of maritime disasters, including the one that eventually led to a mediocre romance film that received high praise upon its release for inexplicable reasons. It is said that watching this film is just as tedious and mind-numbing as being victimized by a herd of bergmite, which means, on an indirect level, avalugg are just as dangerous as its preevolved form.

Stantler

Stantler
The Big Horn Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 234
Entry: A deer-like pokémon native to the forests of Johto. Although these tough and tenacious pokémon are purely normal-types, they apparently display odd telepathic and hypnotic properties. When one stares at the black, orb-like growths in the center of a stantler’s horns, an odd sensation overcomes them: some humans have even reported hallucinating as a result of staring directly at these organs. Unfortunately, stantler also tend to be rather aggressive and will charge at anyone who makes eye contact. Also unfortunately, the species has a tendency to misinterpret the act of staring at their horns as eye contact, leading to many an awkward situation for travelers attempting to cross the forests between Ecruteak and Goldenrod Cities, where they’re most prevalent.

Murkrow and Honchkrow

Murkrow
The Darkness Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 198
Entry: A crow-like pokémon native to the forests and mountains of Johto and Sinnoh. This wily pokémon is widely feared and loathed by many cultures, including those outside its home regions. Part of this may have to do with its tendency to collect shiny objects: it often steals from unwary travelers, which in turn provokes said travelers to chase after them. Should a human fall into this trap, the murkrow will lead them deep into the densest parts of their territories before flying off, leaving the human lost and stranded in the wilderness. Of course, a human would need to be pretty witless to follow a murkrow in the first place, given the fact that the entire species derives its name from the words “crow” and “murder.”

Bill, didn’t you once have to be rescued after following a murkrow? —LH

That was a fluke. —Bill

Of course it was. —LH

Honchkrow
The Big Boss Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 430
Entry: The evolved form of murkrow, by exposure to dusk stone. This giant crow-like pokémon is capable of controlling entire flocks of murkrow. When a massive scavenging job needs to be done or whenever nests need to be made, it issues a deep, booming cry to summon every murkrow within miles. Because the numbers of murkrow that respond to this call frequently block out the sun for minutes at a time, honchkrow is colloquially called the “Summoner of the Night.” Which, incidentally, is also a great and surprisingly unused name for a band.

Pinsir

Pinsir
The Stag Beetle Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 127
Entry: A large, beetle-like pokémon native to the dark forests of Kanto and Kalos. Pinsir attacks by gripping their prey within their giant, thorny pincers and pulling until their victims are torn in half. While this is a terrifying tactic indeed, it should be rather interesting to note that pinsir lack the strength to open their pincers again, which means this pokémon may be easily defeated simply by holding its pincers shut. This is about as comical on the battlefield as one would think, especially when basic-level grass-types with Vine Whip are involved.

Snubbull and Granbull

Snubbull
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 209
Entry: A small but rare bulldog-like pokémon native to the region of Johto. The fierce appearance of its face tends to scare smaller pokémon, yet despite its looks, it is actually popular and considered to be “cute” among young, human women. Whether snubbull is considered adorable thanks to its actually playful nature or some aesthetic reason linked to its pink hue or frilly, doll-like appearance, the author cannot say, as querying female companions for the sake of science has been historically a bad idea as far as he’s concerned.

Granbull
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 209
Entry: The evolved form of snubbull, by battle experience. Despite its ferocious appearance, granbull are actually timid pokémon that prefer to flee from humans or stick closely to their owners than lash out in battle. However, this timidity should not be mistaken for submissiveness, and it would be wise to keep in mind that placing one’s hand anywhere near the mouth of a granbull, even one that has been well-trained for use in contests by one’s highly competent little sister, is generally considered a bad idea.

The Chansey Line

Happiny
The Playhouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 440
Entry: This small, egg-like pokémon carries around a smooth, round stone that it apparently mistakes for an egg. It is not recommend that one tells a happiny—even in jest—that the stone is not, in fact, an egg, as doing so will result in the happiny bursting into tears, which in turn will result in a very stern lecture from your research partner.

Chansey
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 113
Entry: The evolved form of happiny, by battle experience, during the day, if the subject is holding an oval stone. A rare, motherly pokémon with incredible regenerative abilities, chansey are practical angels to trainers and those in the medical field. They possess the ability to lay eggs whose yolk have unique healing properties, and whenever these pokémon come across injured humans or pokémon, it will generously share these eggs with these parties. Of course, what is not often mentioned is how chansey will share these eggs—which is to say, never twist your ankle in a field where chansey are known to live, as this will very likely result in you being hit with Egg Bomb from every possible angle. Yolk will get everywhere. Even in places you didn’t think it would be possible for yolk to be.

Blissey
The Happiness Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 242
Entry: The evolved form of chansey, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. The eggs it lays are composed of chemicals that induce euphoria in any human that consumes it. Additionally, blissey fur is highly sensitive and is, through means not yet understood, capable of detecting sadness. Using both abilities, blissey have a tendency to stop whatever they’re doing and rush towards any source of unhappiness in order to share their eggs with the unfortunate person. One would think, given the above, that blissey would be popular pokémon to have around hospitals and other sources of high stress levels, but this is only true for carefully trained blissey. There has been more than one incident of casually trained or wild blissey wreaking havoc on college campuses or in the wild due to their tendency to rush towards sources of unhappiness, and given the fact that “sharing” for a blissey means the same thing as “sharing” does for chansey, each of these instances ended, literally speaking, quite messily. Needless to say, one can expect to be cleaning yolk off themselves up to a week later.

Lunatone and Solrock

Lunatone
The Meteorite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Psychic
Official Registration #: 337
Entry: A cave-dwelling, moon-shaped meteor pokémon. Due to the fact that it had been discovered at the site of a meteoroid strike, popular theory states that lunatone came from space. Although there has been no definite evidence proving this, it’s very clear that lunatone is affected by celestial objects: as the moon gets closer to being full, lunatone begin to swarm and grow in power. On the night of the full moon, lunatone begin to glow intensely, and such a sight has been known to intimidate even the bravest humans and pokémon. Just about the only creatures who are not intimidated by lunatone in this state are members of the clefairy line, who have been known to mistake lunatone for the moon itself and proceed to engage in prayer dances beneath lunatone swarms to appease their lunar deities.

Solrock
The Meteorite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Psychic
Official Registration #: 338
Entry: A cave-dwelling, sun-shaped meteor pokémon. Due to the fact that it had been discovered at the site of a meteoroid strike, popular theory states that solrock came from space. Although there has been no definite evidence proving this, solrock are greatly affected by the state of the sun. During sunny days, solrock become more energetic and are capable of storing sunlight within its body. When it spins, solrock can release this energy in the form of intense waves of heat and light. As this is a cave-dwelling pokémon that has no known sleep cycle, this behavior has also been known to greatly confuse the clefairy it sometimes cohabits with.

Binacle and Barbaracle

Binacle
The Two-Handed Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 688
Entry: A barnacle-like pokémon native to the warm seas of Hoenn and Kalos. Unlike many other clustered pokémon, the two binacle occupying each rock are two distinct entities that require the utmost care in maintaining a working relationship in order to function. Should one disagree, it will leave its rock to find a different habitat, which halves the power of the binacle cluster. Incidentally, this exact fact accounts for more than 67% of the plots of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants’s currently 201-episode run, which the author knows because he has counted in a desperate attempt to maintain his own sanity during the Binaclebob marathons he has had to sit through for one reason or another.

Barbaracle
The Collective Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 689
Entry: The evolved form of binacle, by battle experience. Upon evolution, the two binacle in the collective multiply into seven, increasing their power dramatically. Consequently, barbaracle fight with the power of seven binacle … which, incidentally, was the plot of an even better 90s show than Binaclebob Trapezoidpants.

Drilbur and Excadrill

Drilbur
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 529
Entry: A foot-tall mole-like pokémon native to the cave systems of Unova. An extremely skilled digger, drilbur can dig through even solid rock at speeds of up to thirty miles an hour. It can therefore give cars running aboveground a good race. This is a fact that has actually been published in the Unovan pokédex, which honestly says more about either Unovan cars or past-times than it does about drilbur.

Excadrill
The Subterrene Pokémon
Type: Ground/Steel
Official Registration #: 530
Entry: The evolved form of drilbur, by battle experience. Upon evolution, excadrill gains steel-tipped claws and a drill-tipped helmet, both of which enable it to burrow up to 300 feet into the ground and/or straight through iron plates. It creates elaborate tunnel systems for labours consisting of scores of drilbur and excadrill, but such systems have been known to inflict damage on human structures, specifically subway systems. Luckily—considering the fact that excadrill’s native Unova has only one tunnel system that loops beneath Nimbasa and Anville, neither of which are places where excadrill are known to live—the actual damage to human construction the average excadrill causes tends to be minimal at best.