Clauncher and Clawitzer

Clauncher
The Water Gun Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 692
Entry: A shrimp-like pokémon native to the warm Kalosean seas. This pokémon possesses bladders of compressed gas, which—in conjunction with its water glands—allows it to shoot high-pressured jets of water capable of shattering boulders at close range. It should be noted that this is the signature ability of a pokémon that only weighs eighteen pounds on average, so trainers should note that standing directly behind their clauncher as it fires might be a somewhat ill-advised idea.

Clawitzer
The Howitzer Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 693
Entry: The evolved form of clauncher, by battle experience. Upon evolution, clawitzer gains its signature giant claw, which is capable of firing cannonballs of water strong enough to pierce tanker hulls. This same technique is also used to propel it across ocean currents, which means any time it fires cannonballs on the battlefield is a delightful and hilarious treat for all spectators (and possibly a leading cause of injury for new clawitzer trainers).

Pineco and Forretress

Pineco
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 204
Entry: This pokémon is famous for its strong resemblance to pine cones, which is not entirely helped by the fact that it dwells primarily in the coniferous forests of Johto. It remains largely motionless as it hangs from trees, moving only to gather bark for its protective coat. Once complete, this coat is sturdy and more than capable of defending its pineco from attacks, but it also weighs more, which tends to result in exhausted pineco falling from their trees. There, pineco can easily be mistaken for fallen pinecones, which causes them to be picked up by humans and used for a variety of purposes, including—unfortunately speaking—fuel for fire. On the other hand, being used for fuel may be a slightly more dignified fate than being coated with glue and glitter and hung from elementary school windows and holiday trees, which happens quite frequently in this pokémon’s native Johto.

Forretress
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 205
Entry: The evolved form of pineco, by battle experience. Famed for its hard armor and ability to use the technique Spikes, this nut-like pokémon attaches itself to a tree, where it only emerges in second-long bursts to catch prey. Otherwise, it spends the majority of its time within its impenetrable shell, shooting shell fragments from its outer coat whenever anyone draws near. It is thus valued not only by trainers as a formidable defense but also by recluses—such as this author—as the symbol of ideal living.

Lickitung and Lickilicky

Lickitung
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 108
Entry: This lizard-like pokémon is most famous for its six-foot-long tongue. Its tongue is both prehensile and covered with a sticky saliva, and because of this, lickitung will use this appendage far more than its actual hands. When extending this tongue, lickitung’s tail will quiver, which has led scientists to believe that either there is a neural connection between this pokémon’s tongue and tail or the pokémon simply gets excited when using the former. Either way, this combination of traits has led certain cultures to view lickitung as a euphemism—for what, the author cannot say but highly advises readers not to Google.

Lickilicky
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 463
Entry: The evolved form of lickitung, if the subject knows Rollout. Much like its preevolved form, lickilicky relies on its highly prehensile tongue to manipulate objects around it, as opposed to its hands. However, it should be noted that lickilicky’s saliva gains anesthetic properties upon evolution, and as such, any human or smaller, non-poisonous pokémon that comes in contact with a lickilicky’s tongue will experience a sudden numbing sensation throughout their body. This is also taken as a euphemism by some cultures, and the author would like to issue an even stronger recommendation to avoid Googling why if at all possible.

Staryu and Starmie

Staryu
The Star Shape Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 120
Entry: A starfish pokémon native to warm seas. Known for being a resilient pokémon, staryu are capable of regenerating any part of its body that it loses in battle, so long as its jewel-like core remains intact. Moreover, the core functions as not only a staryu’s source of power besides the organs located at the tips of its arms but also its main form of communication, as the gem is capable of flashing in specific patterns understood only by other staryu and starmie. Thus, a staryu’s core is a fascinating organ with multiple extremely legitimate purposes and is not there “just to look pretty,” contrary to what some former gym leaders have been telling the schoolchildren of Cerulean City.

Starmie
The Mysterious Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 121
Entry: The evolved form of staryu, by exposure to water stone. In ancient times, the people of Kanto once believed that starmie were really staryu transformed by the reflection of the stars. While this has been found to be completely untrue, starmie do apparently have a connection with space. Specifically, at night, starmie have been known to lie on their backs and shoot radio signals from their jewel-like cores into the sky. While the scientific community is not in agreement with why exactly they do this, the prevailing theory is, of course, aliens.

Meditite and Medicham

Meditite
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 307
Entry: In order to heighten its spiritual and physical strength, this monkey-like pokémon undergoes rigorous training in mountainous areas. This training involves extreme methods such as meditating for hours and consuming only one berry a day. It should be noted that this sort of exercise is extremely taxing on the body and should not be undertaken by any unprepared human trainers seeking to attain enlightenment alongside their meditite partners.

Are you speaking from experience, Bill? Because to be fair, there’s a difference between this and forgoing basic physical needs to write your senior thesis. —LH

What difference would that be? —Bill

Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308
Entry: The evolved form of meditite, by battle experience. Through years of hardcore meditation and extended periods of near starvation, this pokémon is able to develop both telekinetic and aura-viewing powers. It is said that the closer it gets to spiritual enlightenment by denying itself earthly pleasures—including food—the easier it is for a medicham to view auras in the form of brilliantly colored lights.

Oh, much like you what you were experiencing by the end of finals week. I stand corrected. —LH

At least I passed. —Bill

According to our proctors, yes. According to the ER physician, no. —LH

Sandshrew and Sandslash

Sandshrew
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 27
Entry: A pangolin-like pokémon native to dry grasslands and deserts. This pokémon possesses a rough, sandy hide capable of soaking up moisture from the dirt around it as it digs its burrows. Because of the consistency of its hide—along with its unique, sponge-like ability—sandshrew don’t need to drink much water and, in fact, shy away from it in all its forms as much as possible. Except, of course, in Alola, where sandshrew have adapted to become ice and steel types for reasons that surely make sense in a region that hosts plenty of other habitats a sandshrew can congregate in.

Sandslash
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 28
Entry: The evolved form of sandshrew, by battle experience. This pokémon is covered in sharp spikes, which are actually hardened sections of its hide. These spikes serve a largely defensive purpose: when threatened, a sandshrew will curl into a ball, forcing its spikes to stand on end and discourage physical attacks. In rare cases, a sandslash may be able to spin and move while in this position, thus crashing into enemies and obstacles. Such sandslash have also been noted to be faster, slightly bluer, and somehow “cooler” than other members of its species.

Exeggcute and Exeggutor

Exeggcute
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 102
Entry: An egg-like pokémon gifted with incredible telekinetic and telepathic powers. When one egg is separated from the bunch, it can use these wondrous abilities to locate and rejoin its group. Of course, given the fact that this means each egg clearly demonstrates autonomy, one must ask why researchers never classify an individual exeggcute component as being its own pokémon. And the answer, dear reader, is pokémon is wonderful, aren’t they?

Exeggutor
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone. This palm tree-like pokémon originated in the tropics, and much of its behavior reflects this. It perks up most during sunny weather, when it’s able to collect sunlight in its coconut heads and grow. Such growth tends to be steady everywhere but Alola, where the abundant sun causes the energy somehow mutates exeggutor into long-necked dragon-type creatures. One may be wondering how it gains the dragon-type of all possible elements, never mind why it mutates in the region of Alola only, but the answer to this, dear reader, is that pokémon are indeed wonderful, majestic beings.

Swablu and Altaria

Swablu
The Cotton Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 333
Entry: A small, bluebird-like pokémon most commonly found in the mountains of Hoenn. This gentle pokémon is known for its highly friendly demeanor towards humans. When a human wanders into their territory, swablu like to swoop in and settle onto the human’s head like a hat made of down and soft, pillowy cotton. This specific behavior is likely due to the swablu’s preference for soft, pliable building materials for their nests, so therefore, it is said that if a swablu settles on you, then it deems you both trustworthy and comfortable. If, however, two swablu settle on you and proceed to lay eggs on your head, then they deem you extremely trustworthy and comfortable. Or at least this is what the author’s partner and editor assured him when he suddenly found himself with an entire team of swablu.

Altaria
The Humming Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Official Registration #: 334
Entry: The evolved form of swablu, by battle experience. This graceful pokémon is known for its singing ability and its soft, cloud-like wings. When bonding with its trainer, an altaria will envelope said trainer in its wings and sing a beautiful, soothing melody to lull them to sleep. Or, at least, scientists assume this is an act of bonding and that any unfortunate mishaps involving dense wings and songs that lull a human to sleep are entirely accidental. This is also something the author’s editor (or, rather, her sister) assures him whenever her altaria shows “displays of affection” and “excitement to see him.”

Skarmory

Skarmory
The Armor Bird Pokémon
Type: Steel/Flying
Official Registration #: 227
Entry: A predatory bird pokémon native to mountainous regions. This fierce raptor nests primarily in brambles, using the thorns to protect its chicks. As the hatchlings grow, the thorns scratch their wings, and the resulting scar tissue eventually hardens into a full set of metal armor that make skarmory difficult to take down. Adding to this defensive advantage, despite the weight of its own skin, skarmory is still one of the fastest bird-like pokémon in existence, clocking in at a top speed of over 180 miles per hour as it swoops in to snatch prey from crags. In short, it is, in every way, designed to be the perfect predator, which is why the mountainous areas of Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, and Kalos are dangerous to traverse and ill-advised for the unprepared trainer. However, despite the dangers skarmory pose towards unwary travelers, the skarmory that nest just outside of Fallarbor Town, Hoenn, live in fear of the one creature far fiercer and more terrifying than even the toughest, most battle-hardened skarmory alive: the editor of this blog.

I maintain a perfect battle record against skarmory. 🙂 —LH

It’s the smiley that terrifies me the most. —Bill

Tropius

Tropius
The Fruit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 357
Entry: A winged, dinosaur-like pokémon native to tropical jungles. Although tropius is an herbivore with a highly varied diet of plants and fruits, its favored food is the banana, which it eats in so much of an abundance that it begins to grow the fruit on its neck. This fruit is perfectly edible and identical to bananas in every way, and in some island nations, human children are known to climb tropius’s back to pick and eat its bananas. The tropius itself does not seem to mind; it is known for doing the same to its fellow tropius. In other words, the less one thinks about tropius and its dietary habits, the better, very likely.