Stunky and Skuntank

Stunky
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 434
Entry: A small, woodland pokémon known for its powerful defense mechanism. When threatened, rather than attacking using traditional pokémon moves, stunky will turn its hindquarters to face its attacker, lift its tail, and spray a potent musk to confound and drive away the offending creature. As an important side note, Sinnohan folk remedies prescribe bathing in tomato juice in order to remove the smell. The writer fully encourages stunky victims to do this, not because of its effectiveness (it is, in fact, not even remotely effective) but instead because bathing in tomato juice is strangely good for the skin.

Skuntank
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 435
Entry: The evolved form of stunky, by battle experience. Skuntank is basically a larger, more dangerous stunky. What makes it so dangerous are a combination of factors, namely its hotter temper and the fact that the range of its spray can reach up to 160 feet. Word of advice, should you ever encounter a wild skuntank: one quart hydrogen peroxide, quarter cup baking soda, and two teaspoons of dish soap. Mix and use the way you would everyday body soap and shampoo. You are very welcome.

Skorupi and Drapion

Skorupi
The Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 451
Entry: A scorpion pokémon endemic to deserts and arid mountains. As a primarily desert-dwelling pokémon, skorupi are hardy, capable of surviving for up to a year without food. Science has tested and proven this fact, but the scientists involved were less successful in avoiding the scandal and prison time involved with obvious pokémon abuse.

Drapion
The Ogre Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 452
Entry: The evolved form of skorupi, by battle experience. Drapion body language may be difficult to understand at first, but the key is keeping in mind the fact that drapion arms are extremely strong and tipped with stingers that can secrete a powerful venom. Therefore, when a drapion is holding its arms slack and loose, this means that it’s allowing you to approach and give it affection. However, if your drapion’s arms are held up and extended to the sides, this is actually an aggressive stance, not an invitation for a hug. The writer must emphasize that the difference is extremely vital to trainers.

The Bellsprout Line

Bellsprout
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 69
Entry: In Johto, this pitcher plant-like pokémon is a symbol of endurance and flexibility, as its thin, stalk-like body will bend hypnotically with every movement it makes, but it will never break. In fact, this concept is so well-known in Johto that one of its historic landmarks, Sprout Tower, is said to be built around a giant bellsprout whose body became the swaying central pillar the building is known for. These stories of giant bellsprout roaming the countryside—along with Johto’s various other odd notes of folklore—are to this day passed down from generation to generation, none of whom have ever taken these stories as evidence that the traditional beer of our ancestors was made with an herb other than hops and rice.

Weepinbell
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 70
Entry: The evolved form of bellsprout, by battle experience. Weepinbell use their hook-like stems to hang themselves on branches with their wide-open mouths pointing down. When prey comes close to it, it douses said prey with a poisonous powder and subsequently drops from its perch directly onto its target, sliding itself over its catch. Thereafter, it closes its mouth and allows the acid within its body to break its prey down into a liquid sludge. It should go without saying, then, that if your college friends offer you several thousand poké-dollars to stick your hand into a weepinbell’s mouth, the more sensible plan of action that avoids a rather awkward trip to a hospital is to not do that.

Victreebel
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 71
Entry: The evolved form of weepinbell, by exposure to leaf stone. It is said that victreebel live in massive colonies in the middle of jungles, where they help one another out by producing sweet-smelling sap that lures prey into their mouths in droves. How anyone could know this—given that no one has returned from trips to verify these claims which, incidentally, are generally made by young trainers under the employ of a certain researcher whose name shall not be given but rhymes with “Hickamore”—is, of course, a matter of pure curiosity within the pokémon research community.

Cottonee and Whimsicott

Cottonee
The Cotton Puff Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fairy
Official Registration #: 546
Entry: Cottonee are small, fairy-like pokémon covered in a thick layer of cotton puffs. These cotton puffs are essential to its defense mechanism, as when threatened, it will launch clouds of cotton at the threat in order to confound them as it gets away. This may seem like a weak defense, but never make the mistake of underestimating it unless you, too, have been buried under a mountain of cotton launched by a full flock of cottonee in the wet heat of an Unovan summer day. For those uninitiated, imagine being set on fire. Now imagine that you’ve been set on fire by a minimum of fifty pounds of solid flames that you must wade through in order to not be on fire. This is what a cottonee spray is like.

Whimsicott
The Windveiled Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fairy
Official Registration #: 547
Entry: The evolved form of cottonee, by exposure to sun stone. This adorable sheep-like pokémon may seem whimsical and innocently playful at first glance, but never take your eyes off one or catch one’s interest in the field. They have the ability to compress their bodies and wriggle into homes through even the slightest cracks, where they will proceed to rearrange the occupant’s possessions and leave cotton wherever it goes. As a related note, after extracting a whimsicott from your home, always do a thorough check of every possible nook and cranny of your living space for any stray cotton. Cotton, after all, has an uncomfortable habit of clogging toilets, choking air vents, and generally being highly flammable.

Deerling and Sawsbuck

Deerling
The Season Pokémon
Type: Normal/Grass
Official Registration #: 585
Entry: A deer-like pokémon known for two things: first, its ability to change the color and texture of its coat with the seasons, and second, the fact an entire generation of children was scarred for life upon watching an adorable animated film about a deerling whose mother was shot by a poacher. (Thanks, Pokéstar Studios.)

Sawsbuck
The Season Pokémon
Type: Normal/Grass
Official Registration #: 586
Entry: The evolved form of deerling, by battle experience. Just as deerling’s coat changes with the seasons, so too do sawsbuck’s coat and antlers. In Unova, a good way to tell what season it is would be to look at the plants adorning a sawsbuck’s antlers. Small flowers indicate spring, luscious greens indicate summer, brilliantly-colored leaves indicate autumn, and plain white antlers indicate winter. Of course, a better and far more reliable way of telling what season it is would be to look outside and figure it out based on basic seasonal hallmarks such as snow or hot sun, but who is the writer to judge the ways of the Unovans?

Glameow and Purugly

Glameow
The Catty Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 431
Entry: A fancy cat-like pokémon known for its fickleness. It adores affection and will purr when given it, but at a moment’s notice—or when trainers fail to give it enough affection or food—it will hook its sharp claws into its owner’s skin. This fickleness has made it more appealing and cute to certain groups of people. These people refer to themselves as “cat owners,” whereas the rest of the world calls them “masochists.”

Purugly
The Tiger Cat Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 432
Entry: The evolved form of glameow, by battle experience. Despite the fact that it looks pudgy or even roly-poly, much of purugly’s weight actually consists of solid muscle and fur, which it puffs up as an intimidation tactic by binding its tail tightly across its midsection. But really, its best tactic is one it executes by its presence alone: it is audacious enough to barge into pokémon nests and claim them as its own, regardless of the original occupant. Consequently, most pokémon are fully convinced that purugly is fully capable of killing them if it can get away with stealing even the most vicious pokémon’s nests with absolutely zero [PLURAL EXPLETIVE REDACTED] given.

Mankey and Primeape

Mankey
The Pig Monkey Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 56
Entry: This primate-like pokémon lives in the treetops of Kanto in large colonies. Renowned for both its sociability and its hot temper, mankey will fly into a blinding rage over anything from a lack of food to a strange glance sent in its general direction. Because of the suddenness of these tantrums, no one, not even its own friends and family, are safe from its violent rampages, and thus, when a mankey flies into a fit of rage, it will instantly drive away anyone who is not within arm’s reach. Yet strangely enough, because of its sociability, it will also fly into a rage out of loneliness if members of its colony ignore it, which is to say mankey will often resort to massive amounts of personal and property damage until it finally exhausts itself.

Primeape
The Pig Monkey Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 57
Entry: The evolved form of mankey, by battle experience. Although known for being just as destructive and violent as its pre-evolved form, in actuality, this behavior is only displayed when primeape is in the presence of others. When it believes to be completely alone, it reverts to a more passive, docile personality. Although this is very rarely observed, scientists have discovered that in this state, primeape enjoy gathering and arranging flowers, tea, cookies, complex literature, classical music, and the subtle but intelligent humor of British television.

Qwilfish

Qwilfish
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 211
Entry: A pufferfish-like pokémon known for its signature defense mechanism—the ability to inflate itself with water until the spine-like scales all over its body protrude out in every direction. Although the quills themselves are painful to the touch, they don’t actually contain the venom qwilfish is also known for. Rather, they are more like hypodermic needles, fed by a venom bladder within the qwilfish’s body. If this bladder is carefully removed, the flesh of this fish-like pokémon is actually both edible and quite delectable. However, the challenge is in the fact that the bladder can easily be damaged and leak the aforementioned toxins into the edible flesh, and thus, qwilfish meat should only be consumed if prepared by a highly trained professional, if at all. Due to the risks involved, most regions have banned the consumption of qwilfish—otherwise known as hariisen when treated as a food item—except in Johto, where it is a regional delicacy in part because Johtonians themselves have a long-standing tradition of disregarding their own personal safeties.

Lapras

Lapras
The Transport Pokémon
Type: Water/Ice
Official Registration #: 131
Entry: An elusive but gentle sea monster pokémon. In ages past, lapras had been herded because their firm shells and hardiness, along with their docile personalities, made them ideal pokémon for ferrying people across large bodies of water. However, their friendliness towards humans have also made them easy to capture en masse—which, of course, humans did. Thus, lapras has become the physical embodiment of that age-old saying, “And this is why we can’t have nice things.”

The Swinub Line

Swinub
The Pig Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 220
Entry: A small, pig-like pokémon known for its sensitive nose. This nose can detect practically anything from quite a distance away, including truffles, treasure, and buried hot springs. It runs headlong towards any scent it finds interesting and, upon locating its source, instantly digs in an attempt to unbury it. This is unfortunate, not only because of its tendency to run into anything standing between it and its goal but also because of the part where it, a ground-type, sometimes finds buried hot springs.

Piloswine
The Swine Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 221
Entry: The evolved form of swinub, by battle experience. Led by its incredibly sensitive nose, this pokémon runs headlong towards odors it finds interesting, just as its pre-evolved form does. However, given the fact that this is a four-foot-tall, 123-pound pig with fur that obscures its eyes and foot-long tusks, the act of running headlong into the things between it and its goal becomes more unfortunate for anything in its way, rather than for the piloswine itself.

Mamoswine
The Twin Tusk Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 473
Entry: The evolved form of piloswine, by battle experience if the piloswine knows Ancient Power. Fossil evidence has shown that mamoswine has existed on the planet for over ten thousand years. However, mamoswine do not occur in the wild; they only exist as the evolved form of specially trained piloswine. There are two theories as to why this is. First and more scientific, temperatures rose over ten thousand years ago, resulting in a climate far too warm for mamoswine to exist. Second and less scientific, one only has to look at swinub and piloswine’s shared habits to hazard a really good guess involving mamoswine’s bulk, its unlikelihood to be adept at stopping, and the numbers of sharp glacial cliffs during its time.