Furfrou

Furfrou
The Poodle Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 676
Entry: A regal, dog-like pokémon traditionally given to Kalosean royalty as guardians. Because of both this and their easy-to-style coarse fur, furfrou have been both status symbols and fashion icons in the region since the eighteenth century. Perhaps to quell any possible guilt one may have for styling furfrou’s fur, it is commonly said among the Kalosean people that trimming a furfrou’s coat increases its swiftness. This is not necessarily true. While, yes, shaving a furfrou and relieving it of its thick, wild coat will help it to move its limbs and run unburdened, the issue is that a pokémon can only be so swift when the fur on its head has been shaped into a giant top hat.

Spiritomb

Spiritomb
The Forbidden Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Dark
Official Registration #: 442
Entry: This pokémon consists of dark spirits bound to a strange stone. According to Sinnoh legend, spiritomb specifically consists of 108 spirits condemned to spend an eternity bound together in the aforementioned stone for misdeeds they collectively committed over 500 years ago. It is said that strange things happen in the presence of spiritomb and that even today, in its bound state, it does everything it can to curse nearby humans and wreak general havoc. To be fair, though, spiritomb’s behavior is perfectly understandable. If the reader was cursed to spend an eternity trapped in a body with 107 people you couldn’t stand, you, too, would very likely be just a little upset about it.

Cryogonal

Cryogonal
The Crystallizing Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 615
Entry: A giant snowflake pokémon equipped with cryokinetic chains. This pokémon’s body is made of pure ice and is, therefore, susceptible to temperature changes. When its body temperature rises, cryogonal dissolves into steam and vanishes. When the ambient temperature drops, cryogonal returns to ice. What happens to cryogonal if a warm-blooded being inhales parts of it in its steam form is both unpleasant and best left to the imagination for the sake of good taste.

Delibird

Delibird
The Delivery Pokémon
Type: Ice/Flying
Official Registration #: 225
Entry: A short, penguin-like pokémon known for keeping food in its tail and for its signature move, Present. Present is a volatile move, capable of both bestowing healing gifts on allies and inflicting explosive “blessings” on enemies. Because of this signature move, some Johtonian folktales involve delibird visiting children on winter nights to give them presents. According to such tales, the children who have behaved all year receive small toys or sweets, but the children who have misbehaved receive the explosive variety of Present. Interestingly enough, this is the least violent myth commonly told to small children about what would happen to them if they misbehave, which should tell one quite a bit about Johtonian children, Johtonian parenting techniques, or the excellence of non-Johtonian therapists. The author is not quite sure which.

Basculin

Basculin
The Hostile Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 550
Entry: Fish-like pokémon that come in two different forms. The basculin known as the “red-stripe” variety are far more aggressive and reckless than their counterparts and will launch itself at prey without thinking twice, whereas the “blue-stripe” variety is far more careful and calculating and has been known to coordinate attacks with scores of like-striped basculin. Despite this, the two varieties of basculin are essentially the same, complete with the same battling potential and the same movepools, yet red-striped basculin are notoriously incapable of getting along with blue-striped varieties and vice-versa. These facts have led many Unovan poets throughout the twentieth century to use basculin as metaphors for the human race, a trend that some say is questionably tasteful due to the fact that basculin are secondarily known for the fact that both varieties taste the same and go great with a little lemon, basil, and white wine.

Ditto

Ditto
The Transform Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 132
Entry: A blob-like pokémon capable of rearranging its entire cellular structure to become perfect mimics of other pokémon. Once transformed, a ditto is capable of not only looking and sounding like another pokémon but also battling like a perfect copy of its target. While this may sound like a godsend to most trainers—and, indeed, many breeders have found this level of mimicry incredibly useful in their lines of work—in actuality, it should be noted that a ditto in its natural state is actually quite vulnerable and can be beaten by anything faster than it, such as tyranitar, donphan, weedle, blissey…

Munchlax and Snorlax

Munchlax
The Big Eater Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 446
Entry: A cub pokémon known for its insatiable appetite. It is highly inadvisable to pick a munchlax up unless one is prepared, as despite the fact that its average height is only about two feet, its average weight is over 230 pounds. To be fair, most of this weight is not actually the munchlax itself but rather the vast quantities of food it stores within its shaggy fur throughout the hot and humid months. …Then again, considering the fact that these pokémon often forget about these stores of food for months on end, it may be more advisable to avoid coming into physical contact with a munchlax altogether.

Snorlax
The Sleeping Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 143
Entry: The evolved form of munchlax, via happiness. Snorlax is notoriously a difficult pokémon to train. This is a fact not so much because of its sheer strength or because of its unparalleled laziness but instead because of the fact that it eats over 880 pounds of food per day and begins sleeping immediately after each meal. Many snorlax follow a strict schedule when it comes to these meals, as the species also requires at least twelve to eighteen hours of sleep per day. Yet despite the fact that it is almost impossible to train due to the fact that most of its day is spent either sleeping or eating, its bulky body give it impressive defenses—which, combined with its arsenal of devastating attacks—make it a natural battler. In other words, despite spending most of its time doing anything productive, it excels without needing practice or training, much like that roommate everyone has at least once in college.

Hey Bill, do you have anything on the Wobbuffet line? Mine’s been acting up recently and addressing the blue part doesn’t seem to be working. Is the brain in the tail like the conspiracy theorist say?

Well. I admit I’m not entirely certain how best to advise you here, as “acting up” for a wobbuffet can mean a wide variety of things, ranging from its usual lethargy to mating season. Does your wobbuffet sway back and forth and emit cries that sound eerily like Tom Jones’s “It’s Not Unusual”? If not, then at the very least, we can rule out mating season. Otherwise:

Wynaut
The Bright Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 360
Entry: A small, doll-like pokémon best known for three things: its constant smile, its habit of pushing up against solid objects and other wynaut in order to build strength, and its adoration of sweet fruit. The term “bright” pokémon is additionally a bit misleading. To put it in brief, the other thing wynaut is known for is its cry; to people of certain languages, it sounds like a phrase that can be translated into, “Really?”—which in turn has been interpreted as the concept of questioning and meditating on all that is. That, combined with its perpetual smile, its penchant for expressing “affection,” and all the other aforementioned traits, have led certain cultures to view this pokémon as a philosophical ideal—and thus, the incarnation of a vastly sage guru. In truth, wynaut are not particularly bright pokémon at all. Rather, because of their love for sweet fruits, they have a tendency to consume vast quantities of overripe and fermenting berries, and thus, their serene, sage-like behavior is better attributed to a state of perpetual drunkenness.

Wobbuffet
The Patient Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 202
Entry: The evolved form of wynaut, via battle experience. The blue portion of wobbuffet’s body, while containing a brain and several vital organs, is actually mostly hollow, balloon-like, and highly resistant to damage. (It is, in fact, quite true that the brain of a wobbuffet is actually located in its nerve-packed tail.) Wobbuffet use this to their advantage, as their entire battle strategy involves inflating their blue, balloon-like bodies, taking hits, and retaliating with psi blasts equal to double the amount of damage they endure. As wobbuffet are docile and will refuse to attack unless their opponent attacks first and as wobbuffet’s primary ability prevents them from leaving a battle once it begins, two wobbuffet facing off against one another will tenaciously stand and wait until their opponent passes out from starvation. It is for this reason that trainers who keep wobbuffet should be warned that intentionally attempting to battle another trainer’s wobbuffet is an easy and fantastic way to lose your trainer’s license.

Aerodactyl

Aerodactyl
The Fossil Pokémon
Type: Rock/Flying
Official Registration #: 142
Entry: A ferocious, pterosaur-like pokémon that once ruled the skies of ancient Kanto. Aerodactyl is noteworthy in that it helped establish many practices used in modern paleo-pokémon ethology, which itself is an extremely specific but fascinating field. Much of what goes into paleo-pokémon ethology is guesswork, really. For example, when one sees a set of serrated teeth such as those of aerodactyl, one can safely assume that this pokémon used them for cutting into meat. When one sees wings and claws, one can assume that the pokémon in question was an aerial hunter. Of course, this method of hypothesizing and assuming behaviors based on physical traits of fossilized remains is not infallible. For another example, it was once assumed that aerodactyl was a vicious, fearless hunter, but recent resurrections of specimens using fossil revival technology has proven that aerodactyl are more like very large, very confused, very vocal parakeets.

Kabuto and Kabutops

Kabuto
The Shellfish Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 140
Entry: A prehistoric horseshoe crab pokémon that once dwelled in the shallow Kantonian seas. Unlike many other “fossil pokémon,” kabuto are not technically extinct. Rather, they are extremely rare pokémon that currently dwell in hard-to-reach maritime caves along the coasts of Kanto, the Orange Islands, and the Sevii Islands. More curiously, they have undergone very little changes since they first appeared on this planet, and as such, they offer researchers many hints as to what the waters of ancient Kanto might have been like. For example, their rock-hard shells indicate the possibility of vicious predatory pokémon, and their short arms indicate either rockier terrain or higher water pressures … or simply a lack of things that needed to be reached with claws. Like buttons.

Kabutops
The Shellfish Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 141
Entry: The evolved form of kabuto, via battle experience. Like its pre-evolved form, kabutops is an extinct horseshoe crab pokémon that has offered paleo-pokémonologists a wealth of insight into the ancient world of pokémon. For one, it has evolved from being a primarily water-dwelling pokémon to one that hunts primarily on land, and this gradual adaptive process has allowed scientists to estimate when life in general rose from the oceans to populate the continents. Moreover, its sleek form designed for rapid swimming, sharp scythes designed for quick killing, and mouthparts designed for tearing into flesh and draining prey of its bodily fluids in seconds offer scientists insight into why life in general rose from the oceans to populate the continents.