Wailmer and Wailord

Wailmer
The Ball Whale Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 320
Entry: Wailmer have the ability to travel on land by filling their elastic bodies up with water and bouncing like beach balls up the shore and to dry ground. They can also increase the height and speed of their bounce by taking in higher volumes of water, and they enjoy doing all of this on sunny, clear days near populated beaches. Given the fact that wailmer are 6.5 feet tall and 172 pounds in their natural states, this is understandably a cause for alarm for all towns on the coasts of their native Hoenn.

Wailord
The Float Whale Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 321
Entry: The evolved form of wailmer, by battle experience. At an average height of 47 feet, 7 inches, wailord is by far the largest documented pokémon in existence. Because of the sheer size of this pokémon and the fact that regulation fields are, for whatever reason, not that much larger than the average specimen, it is extremely difficult for trainers to raise a wailord for battling purposes. However, there is a small group of trainers who raise wailord purely for the novelty of it, especially thanks to the fact that it can crossbreed with some of the smallest pokémon on record, including diglett and skitty. Regulations intended to dissuade trainers from doing this have been brought forth before various government bodies, but given the nature of bureaucracy, any such legislation has yet to be passed.

The Wurmple Line

Wurmple
The Worm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 265
Entry: There is an easy way to tell if a wurmple will evolve into either a cascoon or a silcoon. What you’ll need to do is this: upon encountering a wurmple, grab it by the ridges on the back of its neck and [ERROR]

Silcoon
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 266
Entry: The evolved form of wurmple, by a combination of battle experience and the individual’s personality. As a reflection of the wurmple’s own nature, silcoon are inherently graceful and beautiful and are known for both the softness and pure whiteness of their silk and the fact that they drink the dew off their own threads until evolution. In order to better understand silcoon and its close cousin the cascoon, imagine the most energetic morning person you have ever seen in your life. Have someone give them coffee and tell you that you are not, under any circumstances, permitted to punch them. This is the silcoon according to all cascoon.

Beautifly
The Butterfly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 267
Entry: The evolved form of silcoon, by battle experience. True to the rule that the cuter a pokémon looks, the more likely it is that the pokémon in question possesses either a violent temper, the means to disembowel you, or both, beautifly are among the most beautiful and vicious bug-types in the pokémon kingdom. Its mouth is actually a coiled needle that can grow to be at least double its body size in length when straightened, and needless to say, it uses this needle to stab anyone who gets within reach of it as it feeds on flower nectar.

Cascoon
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 268
Entry: The evolved form of wurmple, by a combination of battle experience and the individual’s personality. As a reflection of the wurmple’s own nature, cascoon are literal balls of hatred and rage, capable of remembering you, your face, and the fact that you hit it, looked at it strangely, or put it within two feet of a silcoon. It is highly advisable to apologize profusely to your cascoon on a constant basis to avoid being Psybeamed in the face immediately upon its evolution into dustox.

Dustox
The Poison Moth Pokémon
Type: Bug/Poison
Official Registration #: 269
Entry: The evolved form of cascoon, by battle experience. Despite its initial burst of rage, dustox settle into a more passive persona as they age. Rather than live solitary lifestyles and engage in aggressive, territorial behavior, dustox are more prone to congregating with their fellow dustox near sources of light, and they typically only attack when directly threatened. However, the main problem with dustox is that their scales are covered with an extremely toxic powder that happens to be released with every flap of their wings, which means they are also far, far more likely to inadvertently poison anyone who happens to be anywhere near them, much to the typical dustox’s dismay.

Skitty and Delcatty

Skitty
The Kitten Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 300
Entry: The subject of about 90% of all domestic pokémon videos on the internet. It is not well-understood why skitty seems to be a universal obsession for the human race. Some say it has something to do with Cute Charm, one of its possible natural abilities, but more than likely, it’s just because it’s so bloody adorable, regardless of its ability.

Delcatty
The Prim Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 301
Entry: The evolved form of skitty, by exposure to moon stone. An extremely popular pokémon among fashion-conscious female trainers, delcatty are known for their unfettered existences, in which they do whatever they please and sleep whenever they wish with no actual consequences to their behavior. Thus, it is said that delcatty is “living the dream” and that it is “the thing all young bloggers aspire to be.”

Corphish and Crawdaunt

Corphish
The Ruffian Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 341
Entry: Its hardy physiology enable it to thrive in a variety of environments, including heavily polluted lakes and streams. For this reason, Hoennian opinion about corphish tends to be divided. On the one hand, its abundance means that corphish are plentiful and easy to find and capture, as it can survive practically any form of water besides a pot of boiling broth. On the other, just because you’ve boiled the thing does not mean the corphish you’d caught from the river next to the power plant is edible.

Crawdaunt
The Rogue Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 342
Entry: The evolved form of corphish, by battle experience. Said to be the modern-day relative of armaldo, crawdaunt similarly possess hefty bodies and large, heavy claws capable of doing massive amounts of damage to its enemies. However, unlike armaldo, crawdaunt do not have rocky hides that make physical attacks difficult. Rather, they have extremely foul tempers and may attack at the slightest provocation—such as, for example, the scent of tamato berries, one of the primary ingredients for the cocktail sauce normally served with cold shrimp.

Anorith and Armaldo

Anorith
The Old Shrimp Pokémon
Type: Rock/Bug
Official Registration #: 347
Entry: This ancient, shrimp-like pokémon swam at the bottom of the shallow Hoennian seas, where it is said it hunted for prey using its sharp claws. This theory is not entirely correct. Yes, it hunted for prey, but its fearsome, quick-witted prey happened to be algae and the waste byproducts of its fellow marine pokémon. The only reason why the pokédex phrases anorith’s dietary habits the way it does is either because this writer’s colleagues have only so much space to summarize a pokémon’s entire behavior or because “it hunts for prey” is a far more elegant term than “it feeds on pokémon droppings.”

Armaldo
The Plate Pokémon
Type: Rock/Bug
Official Registration #: 348
Entry: The evolved form of anorith, by battle experience. Armaldo are an ancient pokémon equipped with armor that can deflect practically anything, foot-long claws capable of punching through steel, and a body consisting of 150 pounds of pure muscle and rock. It is, in other words, a pokémon entirely designed to make you regret ever having enjoyed shrimp.

Lileep and Cradily

Lileep
The Sea Lily Pokémon
Type: Rock/Grass
Official Registration #: 345
Entry: This ancient pokémon thrived at the bottom of prehistoric oceans by anchoring itself to a rock and ensnaring prey with its flower-like tentacles. It became extinct over 100 million years ago, largely due to the fact that being a stationary marine pokémon in a region where one active legendary can evaporate the ocean by taking a leisurely stroll through the general vicinity was perhaps a bad evolutionary idea.

Cradily
The Barnacle Pokémon
Type: Rock/Grass
Official Registration #: 346
Entry: The evolved form of lileep, by battle experience. As a step up from its preevolved form, cradily developed both the ability to walk and the ability to do so on land. Although one would think this would enable it to survive past the Cretaceous Era, cradily’s extinction was largely due to two major issues. First, its body, which was heavy enough to anchor it to the ocean floor, was not very well-equipped for chasing down prey. Second and more importantly, it has been scientifically proven that it’s rather difficult to survive when your children die in a mass extinction.

The Weedle Line

Weedle
The Hairy Bug Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 13
Entry: Weedle uses its sensitive and prominent proboscis to locate and separate its favorite leaves to eat from its least favorite leaves. All weedle have very specific leaf preferences, as well as acute senses of smell in order to sort leaves on the forest floor based on these preferences. If anyone finds this at all strange or unusual, the writer would like to remind his audience that humanity’s own obsession with gardening has resulted in over 7500 different types of tomato, and if you use the wrong type for sauce, your sister who possesses far more culinary talents than you will ever have will ensure that you are painfully aware of what, precisely, each of those 7500 different varieties of tomato are for.

Kakuna
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 14
Entry: The evolved form of weedle, by battle experience. In this stage of its evolutionary line, kakuna are strictly preparing for evolution and therefore remain nearly immobile. However, it is important to note that “nearly immobile” is not the same as “actually and completely immobile,” and should you accidentally stumble onto an entire tree covered with kakuna, said kakuna will extend their poison barbs through their shells in order to remind you of what that difference is.

Beedrill
The Poison Bee Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 15
Entry: The evolved form of kakuna, by battle experience. Quite obviously, training a weedle to its beedrill stage takes a lot of determination and audacity. This is not only because the kakuna stage is nearly immobile, therefore requiring a trainer to exert the patience needed to help their kakuna cultivate the experience required for evolution, but also because the resulting beedrill is a fiercely territorial and aggressive creature armed with three potently venomous stingers each measuring a foot long. Trainers who wish to keep beedrill are highly advised to keep healthy stocks of antidotes, pecha berries, and whatever they feel would be best to sedate a three-foot-tall bee that can fly at one’s face at violently high speeds.

The Litwick Line

Litwick
The Candle Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Fire
Official Registration #: 607
Entry: Litwick are known for two things. First, they exclusively inhabit old mansions and other stately buildings. Second, they feed on the life force of those who mistake its cute smile, its candle-like appearance, and its eagerness to help for an actual attempt to lead lost travelers to safety. Due to both of these facts at once, litwick encounters are among the highest causes of death for anyone who has seen the film Beauty and the Beast in recent years.

Lampent
The Lamp Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Fire
Official Registration #: 608
Entry: The evolved form of litwick, by battle experience. More benevolent compared to the other members of its evolutionary line, lampent do not prey on the living but rather wander the streets of populated areas and feed on the dead. For this reason, lampent are popular to keep within the house as wards against evil spirits, but it should be kept in mind that this also means that lampent are rather tasteless gifts for the elderly. (For this reason, lampent are extremely popular gifts for the elderly in their home region of Unova.)

Chandelure
The Luring Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Fire
Official Registration #: 609
Entry: The evolved form of lampent, by exposure to dusk stone. While not necessarily any more docile or benevolent than its previous forms, chandelure are not known for actively hunting down prey. Instead, they lures prey into their flames by maneuvering their arms in hypnotic loops, and once prey is ensnared, chandelure passively allow their fire to consume the prey whole. Fifty years ago, Unovan children liked to “help” chandelure out by making a game out of attempting to get as close to one’s flames as possible without being burned, resulting in massive numbers of children being burned alive by this pokémon. The only thing that stopped these numbers from climbing any higher were newly enacted evolution stone control laws, put in place not because of the massive amounts of childhood deaths to pokémon that evolve by dusk stone but instead because the Unovan government realized exactly how much money they could make off state-controlled sales of evolution stones. There are groups in Unova who vehemently oppose such laws, less because of the state’s apparent disregard for children and more because of their personal right to own evolution stones, and if any of this sounds horrific, the writer would like to remind you that he’s speaking of the Unova region, so this should come as no surprise to anyone.

The Starly Line

Starly
The Starling Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 396
Entry: Starly, one of the most common pokémon in the Sinnoh region, are known for traveling in giant flocks and generating storm-grade gusts of wind. Thus, despite being less than a foot tall, new trainers should be warned that it is a very wise idea to exercise extreme caution when seeing one starly on its own. That starly is by no means alone, and a trainer that mistakes it for being so stands a very good chance of being enveloped in a hurricane of extremely angry relatives.

Staravia
The Starling Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 397
Entry: The evolved form of starly, by battle experience. Upon evolution, staravia are known to form flocks of their own that are considerably smaller than starly flocks yet also sizable in their own right and consisting of extremely loyal flock members. When separated, staravia are known to cry loudly to gain the attention of its flock mates, so should you spot a staravia on its own and should that staravia spot you and begin crying loudly, it would be best to run very, very quickly in the opposite direction.

Staraptor
The Predator Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 398
Entry: The evolved form of staravia, by battle experience. Curiously, evolution spurs staraptor to leave their flocks and live completely on their own. Vicious and tenacious hunters, staraptor thrive by picking off and carrying small pokémon to their nests in the craggy Mt. Coronet, where they can consume said pokémon without interference from other staraptor. Also curiously, staraptor are not particularly fastidious when it comes to choosing prey, and this, perhaps, explains why starly and staravia travel in large and extremely loyal flocks.

Skrelp and Dragalge

Skrelp
The Mock Kelp Pokémon
Type: Poison/Water
Official Registration #: 690
Entry: Its colorization, leaf-like appendages, and propensity to travel in large groups makes skrelp nearly indistinguishable from rotting kelp in the calmer, shallower waters of coastal regions. Additionally, both of the possible natural abilities for this species involve poisoning on contact, and as such, it is both understandable and not uncommon for beaches to shut down upon the sighting of a skrelp forest. Yet interestingly enough, Kalos, the region with the highest population of skrelp, is also home to the most nudist beaches in the world, which should say a thing or few about the Kalosean natives.

Dragalge
The Mock Kelp Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dragon
Official Registration #: 691
Entry: The evolved form of skrelp, by battle experience. Whereas skrelp possess milder venom and prefer to drift and allow prey to stumble across them, dragalge have the audacity to chase down ships and melt hulls via their highly acidic venom. Why this is so, no one quite knows, but it’s been the cause of an innumerable amount of shipwrecks in the Atlantic Ocean since the advent of maritime travel. Interestingly enough, the Great Britain, nation to the north of Kalos and the other French regions (and therefore home to the second largest skrelp and dragalge population in the world), is also home to a proud naval history. Said history involves one of the largest and longest-lasting navies ever created and, therefore, one of the largest totals of human life lost to dragalge ever counted. Between this and the Kalosean nudist beaches, it can be gathered that the human species is a strange and ultimately unreasonably stubborn thing with a fixation on defying nature.