Tag: requests

Tapu KoKo entry please!

Why stop at just Tapu Koko?

Tapu Koko
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Electric/Fairy
Official Registration #: 785
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Melemele Island. Supposedly the bravest of the four Alolan guardians, Tapu Koko is known for observing islanders and bestowing blessings upon worthy trainers. These trainers are then encouraged to undertake the island challenge, a type of journey specific to Alola, geared towards the training and selection of each element’s next kahuna. While Tapu Koko tends to be the most active tapu in selecting such individuals, it is also known for being the most capricious when it comes to deciding which among them actually becomes a kahuna. For this reason, trainers on Alola may start out on a journey to become strong enough to represent their island and elemental specialties, but they could very well find their lives veering off into an entirely different direction thanks to one of Tapu Koko’s sudden change of heart. Not that the author is complaining about such a process, of course. We did get Molayne out of such an arrangement. As well as a wealth of fantasy YA novels that seem to keep the editor happy.

Once again, Bill, I don’t judge you for your literary tastes. —LH

Tapu Lele
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 786
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Akala Island. It is said that this legendary pokémon scatters glittering scales as it moves and that these scales have the ability to restore one’s health upon physical contact. The latter is highly useful because as with all adorable, pink pokémon described on this blog, Tapu Lele is also infamous for being fantastically cruel and sadistic, and it’s both telepathic and capable of warping the fabric of space to create a strange and highly dangerous pocket dimension around its immediate area. In other words, you will very likely need these scales as Tapu Lele uses its psychic abilities to thoroughly destroy you.

Tapu Bulu
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fairy
Official Registration #: 787
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Ula’ula Island. Supposedly, this pokémon is extraordinarily lazy. Rather than attack an opponent head-on, it simply wills the vegetation around it to grow and ensnare the challenger before it delivers a devastating, close-range blow itself. Honestly, though, the author is intrigued by the fact that some people of Alola consider this to be evidence of Tapu Bulu’s laziness. If anything, it’s a brilliant strategy, and given how much effort the author has put into trying to will plants to do his bidding, he can safely say Tapu Bulu’s battle strategy is really much harder than it looks.

Not a good harvest, Bill? —LH

Oh, the garden was perfectly fine this year. It’s a certain half-plant, half-toad starter with a penchant for eating my crops after I explicitly tell him not to that’s the problem. —Bill

Tapu Fini
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 788
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Poni Island. This mysterious island guardian is supposedly the most laid-back of the four tapu. Unlike the others, who either actively seek out humans to observe (Tapu Koko) or toy with (Tapu Lele) or who actively avoid human contact altogether (Tapu Bulu), Tapu Fini prefers allowing humanity to do whatever it likes and will often only reveal itself to the truly worthy as a result. This may seem like Tapu Fini is putting in extra effort to avoid being detected, but in actuality, given the fact that her shrine is located in the highly unrelenting environment that is Poni Island, the fact that it surrounds itself with a dense fog full of danger, and the fact that the aforementioned shrine is called Ruins of Hope for a reason, it may be safe to say that Tapu Fini allows the environment to do much of the work when it comes to protecting her—much more than Tapu Bulu does, anyway.

Could you talk about any of the ultra beasts

I could talk about all of them, anonymous, but I suppose the most appropriate place to start with the ultra beasts would be with the first one ever documented:

Nihilego
The Parasite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Poison
Official Registration #: 793
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. This jellyfish-like pokémon possesses strange and not well-understood powers, including the ability to teleport, open portals, and influence the human mind. Those who were exposed to this creature’s neurotoxins have reported erratic and often fervent or obsessive behavior, usually culminating in extraordinary feats for the sake of ripping apart the space-time continuum in the name of science and pokémon. Incidentally, the above-mentioned symptoms also describe the effects of hard liquor on the author, which also incidentally is a state that led to the creation of the Time Capsule, so if there are no objections, the author would like to propose an experiment involving himself, a nihilego, and a bottle of whiskey.

I have objections. I have a lot of objections to this plan. —LH

Hoenn Legendaries! Mostly Rayquaza. :D

Well, there are certainly a number of fascinating stories about the Hoenn region, and a single post can’t quite do them all justice. For that reason, let this be the first in a (half-)week-long Hoenn special.

Starting with, of course:

Rayquaza
The Sky High Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Official Registration #: 384
Entry: According to Hoennian lore, this legendary dragon has lived for millions of years in the uppermost layers of the planet’s atmosphere, and because of how far high and how fast it flies, only recently (comparatively speaking) has humanity developed the technology that makes it possible to see Rayquaza in flight. Otherwise, it does not leave this part of the atmosphere except for when Earth is in imminent danger. Rather, it glides ever vigilantly across the sky, sleeping rarely and eating nothing but the tops of thunderclouds and incoming meteoroids. The author really has nothing funny to say about Rayquaza; he just thinks the idea of an eternal, meteoroid-consuming dragon flying across the edge of space is awesome.

The Sewaddle Line

Sewaddle
The Sewing Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass
Official Registration #: 540
Entry: This tiny, worm-like pokémon clothes itself in leaves sewn together by its own silk. Because of its cuteness and this habit, it has recently become a popular mascot among Unovan clothing companies. Of course, it probably helps that the only other options for such mascots in the Unova region are extremely human-like and thus far more difficult to depict making clothes while naked.

Swadloon
The Leaf-Wrapped Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass
Official Registration #: 541
Entry: The evolved form of sewaddle, by battle experience. It’s said that the damp forests in which swadloon live are lush with vegetation thanks to the nutrients from the fallen leaves they leave behind (no pun intended). What’s not frequently said is that, given swadloon’s strict diet of leaf matter, “fallen leaves” is actually a euphemism for swadloon droppings. As an extra comforting thought, all Unovan forests have healthy populations of swadloon.

Leavanny
The Nurturing Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass
Official Registration #: 542
Entry: The evolved form of swadloon, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. Leavanny in general are extraordinarily kind or otherwise well-meaning pokémon. In its native forests, if it comes across a small pokémon during its wanders, it will immediately stop and create an outfit for them using broad leaves sewn together using its own sticky silk. In urban environments, however, it has difficulties distinguishing small pokémon from small humans, and thus, it may force dresses made of paper and silk onto small children, including certain eight-year-old system administrators who the author did not think was adorable in such a dress of her own (because he knows all too well that the eight-year-old system administrator also has a munna and a protective older sister).

The timburr and/or the sewaddle line please! You’re not far off completing the Unova dex :D

Well, I certainly can’t refuse a request like this, especially when you’re correct about how close the Unova Dex is from completion. Sewaddle will be along tomorrow, anonymous!

Timburr
The Muscular Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 532
Entry: This short humanoid pokémon always carries a square log with one arm, which it often uses as a blunt melee weapon. These logs are typically of various sizes, but their weight is a good indicator of how old a timburr is. If the log is small and light, then the timburr is a hatchling. If the log is roughly the weight of the timburr itself but slightly taller, then the timburr has reached the peak of its evolutionary stage. If, however, the log is at least twice as heavy and large as the timburr, then it’s close to evolution. Trainers will know that evolution is just about to begin if the timburr throws its log with ease away from its body. Incidentally, it should also be noted that the average timburr is twenty-six pounds, that the statement that the log will be at least twice as heavy as that is not an exaggeration, and that taking a fifty-pound block of wood to the legs is not a pleasant experience.

Gurdurr
The Muscular Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 533
Entry: The evolved form of timburr, by battle experience. Thanks to their well-developed bodies, gurdurr can lift and carry solid steel beams without breaking a sweat. Additionally, although their muscles are naturally well-toned, they enjoy training themselves constantly using their steel beams and any exercise equipment they can find. Many even adopt strange diets of nutritional powders in order to bulk themselves up and sculpt sets of muscles that they then show off to groups of other gurdurr. Attempts have been made to decipher the gurdurr’s language during such meetings, but the nearest translation any researcher has been able to achieve was the phrase, “do you even lift, brah,” repeated over and over again.

Conkeldurr
The Muscular Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 534
Entry: The evolved form of gurdurr, via trading. This muscular pokémon is known for carrying not one but two pillars of solid concrete, which it crafts itself shortly after evolution. Conkeldurr uses its own formula for mixing concrete—a formula that, if you believe the Unova Dex, was passed on to humans 2000 years ago. Of course, if you believe archaeological evidence, concrete was actually created by an ancient human civilization in the Middle East roughly 7500 years ago and was commonly employed by the Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians since at least 1400 BC. Then again, as we all know, the Unovan account of human history has never been wrong ever.

Would you be willing to do another “Leader Dex” entry? Perhaps on Kanto-Johto’s Elite Four?

Well, I haven’t yet been beaten into the ground by certain gym leaders’ pokémon, so certainly.

That is still a terrible reason for doing these. —LH

Lorelei
The Queen of Ice
Type: Ice
Position: Kanto—First Point
Entry: A highly skilled strategic mastermind originally from Four Island. Her demeanor on the battlefield is fearsome and focused, and her command of her water- and ice-types—most notably jynx, dewgong, and lapras—is virtually unrivaled. For these reasons, it is a remarkably terrible idea to threaten her idyllic home village … or to bring up her love for collecting soft pokémon dolls. Incidentally, this entry also describes the blog’s editor, which is why the author is occasionally terrified of her too.

Bruno
The Fist of Fury
Type: Fighting
Position: Kanto—Second Point; Johto—Third Point
Entry: A black belt in multiple branches of martial arts, this man is fully capable of breaking the average human being in half, never mind the capabilities of his highly trained elite force of fighting- and ground-type pokémon. Yet despite this, he is still less terrifying than Lorelei.

Agatha
The Gray Lady
Type: Ghost
Position: Kanto—Third Point
Entry: A veteran trainer and master of the ghost and poison types. Renowned for her toughness but also for her temper, she famously was once a rival to Professor Oak himself, shortly before his retirement from training. Evidently, this was decades ago, but the exact circumstances of his retirement have left Agatha so bitter that any mention of Oak—especially words of reverence—in her presence may provoke her volcanic anger. One would think the author would find her more fearsome than Lorelei and thus hesitate to write this entry (or refer to her as “the Gray Lady”), but luckily, Lorelei agrees with him, and Agatha herself is a technophobe and thus is unlikely to read this.

Lance
The Dragon Master
Type: Dragon
Position: Kanto—Fourth Point
Entry: Thankfully, the far more amicable cousin of Clair, and a far better conversationalist at that. He can still very likely break you with not one but two dragonite, but at the very least, he’s far less likely to do so.

Will
The Psychic Wonder
Type: Psychic
Position: Johto—First Point
Entry: The youngest inductee to the Elite Four and a master of psychic pokémon. From a young age, this formidable psychic-type specialist trained under the best minds of his field from all over the world until he became strong and skilled enough to develop his abilities into his own, unique battling style. As the youngest member of the Elite Four, Will has a habit of forgoing his own well-being in favor of training under the assumption that this is the only way he can maintain his lofty position, but at the same time, he’s well-known among his peer group for having a rather … odd sense of humor that relies heavily on puns, sarcasm, and morbidity. For all of these reasons, the editor of this blog has asked me to note that this individual reminds her of a certain other workaholic Johtonian prodigy with confidence issues, a terrible sense of humor, and a kadabra, but unfortunately, she never told the author who this could be. (What if I know them, Lanette?)

Koga
The Poisonous Ninja Master
Type: Poison
Position: Johto—Second Point
Entry: You are still not allowed to go anywhere near this man’s daughter. Also, you are not allowed to ask when he got promoted to the Elite Four. He just did.

Karen
The Mistress of Shadows
Type: Dark
Position: Johto—Fourth Point
Entry: A talented mistress of the dark type and lover of all pokémon. Also beautiful, intelligent, wise, fantastically powerful, passionate, elegant, determined, emotionally strong, and—for the numbers of you who have sent fanmail to both the Pokémon League HQ or, inexplicably, the Pokémon Association HQ—flattered but still aromantic and asexual.

Hello Bill, can you please do an entry on Finneon and Lumineon? They’re my favorite forgotten Pokemon, and I love them even though most people don’t even know that they exist.

Well, I certainly can’t turn down a request like this, especially when I agree it’s unfortunate that finneon and lumineon seem to be overshadowed in the fish pokémon enthusiast communities by the likes of goldeen, feebas, and magikarp.

….

And yes, there are, in fact, fish pokémon enthusiast communities.

Finneon
The Wing Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 456
Entry: A small, neon tetra-like pokémon first discovered in the waters of Sinnoh. The pink designs along the sides of its body and within its fins contain specialized cells that can store sunlight and release it at certain intervals (usually whenever the subject is attempting to attract prey or a mate). Additionally, as it swims, finneon fan out its double tail fins, and this, combined with the beauty of the light it emits, have earned it the nickname “beautifly of the sea.” This, of course, means finneon is the second fish-like pokémon whose name calls to mind another creature, but unlike in lanturn’s case, the pokémon involved in the comparison couldn’t care less, largely because finneon’s attempts at flight generally leave actual beautifly rather unimpressed.

Lumineon
The Neon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 457
Entry: The evolved form of finneon, by battle experience. Using its pectoral fins, this butterflyfish-like pokémon crawls across the ocean floor to avoid predators. As it crawls, it lights up patterns on its large, billowing tail fins to attract prey. In this manner, it competes with lanturn, who uses similar mechanisms to hunt, dwells in the same general habitat, and is also in a pokémon family frequently compared to a completely different creature. However, given the fact that lanturn can emit powerful electrical attacks and the fact that lumineon boasts no resistance to said electrical attacks whatsoever, lanturn are generally about as impressed with lumineon as beautifly are with finneon. Which is to say, not at all, regardless of how much the poor things try.

Something on Ho-oh please? :) I feel it is overshadowed by Lugia.

Well, I admit I was going to end Johto Week with an entry on both Lugia and Ho-oh, but how can I argue with this request?

(Besides, as the son of a kimono girl from a sect dedicated specifically to Ho-oh, I realize now that not dedicating a full entry to Ho-oh would be literally sacrilegious somehow.)

Bill … are you ever actually worried that Ho-oh will set you on fire for not worshipping it enough? —LH

Of course not. I’m well aware that as a human, I will likely be set on fire by Ho-oh either way. It’s just the principle of the matter. —Bill

All right then. —LH

Ho-oh
The Rainbow Pokémon
Type: Fire/Flying
Official Registration #: 250
Entry: The guardian of the heavens and reincarnation, according to Johtonian legend. Once the mentor to the Johtonian people (during its longest and period of peace and prosperity), Ho-oh roosted in the gilded sister tower of Lugia’s shrine, known today as Bell Tower. However, after Lugia became enraged at humanity’s violence and greed, it drew down the storm that burned Brass Tower to the ground, and Ho-oh, in its despair over the death and destruction caused by its fellow legendary and humankind, flew away to parts unknown on rainbow wings, leaving behind three beasts to act as its judges for the Johtonian people. It is said that Ho-oh will only return to Johto when it’s clear that humans and pokémon are capable of living in harmony, and thus, it is said that its subordinates, Raikou, Entei, and Suicune, are destined to wander the earth, observing us for the day when we become worthy of Ho-ohs presence once again. In other words, Ho-oh’s legend is one elaborate (but true) story about why none of us can’t have nice things.

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.