The Hitmons!

Ah, a challenge, but one I’m certainly willing to oblige!

Tyrogue
The Scuffle Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 236
Entry: This small, childlike pokémon can be a challenge for many new trainers. It requires daily training to maintain its mental health, and if it is denied of its routine training period or if it feels that its trainer is ignoring it for any reason, it will immediately punch its human with as much force as it can muster. On the one hand, they say “no pain, no gain,” and tyrogue trainers tend to be incredibly fit by the time their partners are ready to evolve. On the other hand, they also say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and the author did say “tend to be” and not “most certainly are.”

Hitmonlee
The Kicking Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 106
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is stronger offensively than defensively. Hitmonlee’s legs are quite literally pure muscle; it requires no real bone structure due to the tightly coiled mass of muscle serving as support instead. Because of this, hitmonlee’s legs are notoriously elastic and long, capable of uncoiling and stretching up to double or even triple their resting length. This allows hitmonlee to land devastatingly powerful kicks on distant foes … and to land some of the most lucrative modeling careers in the modeling industry.

Hitmonchan
The Punching Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 107
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is stronger defensively than offensively. Both of hitmonchan’s fists are hard as rock and extremely dextrous, and because of this, it can punch through solid concrete with both hands, regardless of dominance. Additionally, it’s said that hitmonchan is infused with the spirit of a pro boxer who had been working towards a world championship. Whether or not this is true—and, if it is, which pro boxer—is difficult to say, but it is known that playing “Eye of the Tiger” in the presence of any member of this species will cause them to feel compelled to run up the steps of the nearest art museum.

Hitmontop
The Handstand Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 237
Entry: The evolved form of tyrogue, by battle experience, if the subject is equally strong in both offense and defense. Hitmontop is known for its graceful, dance-like kicks, which it launches by flipping itself upside-down and spinning around on its horn towards its enemy. One would think striking a solid object while spinning upside-down at high speeds on a fine point would only knock the attacker over, but pokémon are wonderful, magical beings, and it’s perhaps not worth it to question the physics of hitmontop when we share this world with thirteen-pound rodents that are capable of releasing 100,000 volts of electricity from their cheeks.

Zangoos and Seviper

Certainly, anonymous!

Zangoose
The Cat Ferret Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 335
Entry: A tall, mongoose-like pokémon first discovered in the mountains of Hoenn. Zangoose are known for exactly three things. First and most importantly, they are famous for their blood rivalry against seviper, which itself was very likely born from the fact that seviper, their favored prey, are also eight-foot-long tubes of hate and violence. Second, zangoose are known for their massive, sharp claws, which are capable of slicing through not only boulders but also raging seviper. Third and finally, zangoose are known for quite possibly the worst and most inaccurate species designation of any pokémon in existence.

Seviper
The Fang Snake Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 336
Entry: A large, viper-like pokémon first discovered in the mountains of Hoenn. Seviper are known for exactly three things. First and most importantly, they are famous for their blood rivalry against zangoose, which itself was very likely born from the fact that zangoose, their foremost predator, are also stubborn and ornery balls of muscle and terrible judgment. Second, seviper are known for their long tail blades, which not only are sharp enough to slice a boulder or a zangoose clean in half but are also venomous (as if the sharpness wasn’t enough). Third and finally, seviper are known for the second worst species designation of any pokémon in existence, trumped by zangoose’s only because seviper’s is actually stating the obvious.

Hello Bill! Since you’ve done a dex entry for the Kanto Gym Leaders, do you think you can do one for the Johto Gym Leaders too? I’m mostly curious about your thoughts on my favorite bird dweeb Falkner, hehe! :)

Hmm. Well, seeing as I’ve just reached 250 followers and I haven’t yet died after posting my analysis of the Kanto gym leaders…

That is a terrible reason to assume this is okay, but on the other hand, I’m impressed Lt. Surge only let you off with a warning. Therefore, I’m going to let you continue, just because I’d like to see whether or not Clair would do the same. —LH

And seeing as my editor is my dearest friend who is always concerned about my well being…

Falkner
The Elegant Master of Flying Pokémon
Type: Flying
Positon: First Badge—Zephyr
Entry: The newest gym leader within the Johto circuit, Falkner had recently inherited both his gym and his bird pokémon from his father. Whether or not he’s as graceful as his equally inherited gym leader title implies has yet to be determined, but from what the author has seen on the occasions when all of the previous generation of kimono girls gather with their children … the answer is no. Apologies to his fangirls.

Bugsy
The Walking Bug Pokémon Encyclopedia
Type: Bug
Positon: Second Badge—Hive
Entry: A young expert in bug-type pokémon, Bugsy knows everything there is to know about his specialty, including the inner workings of moves that he had discovered himself. He has been known to go on for some time about the mysteries and beauty of bug-types, regardless of his listener’s level of interest. One could say that Bugsy is a bug-type maniac, preferring the company of his own bugs to people while valuing the importance of even the tiniest weedle. In short, Bugsy is the author’s favorite, as he is apparently a trainer after his own heart.

Whitney
The Incredibly Pretty Girl
Type: Normal
Positon: Third Badge—Plain
Entry: A minor celebrity in her hometown of Goldenrod City, this gym leader is known for her cuteness, her fashionable tastes, her skill on the battlefield, and her generally charismatic personality. These are absolutely things she is known for, and the author is not at all downplaying any negative aspects of her personality (such as talkativeness, nosiness, or overabundance of energy … which are traits she certainly doesn’t have) because he realizes she knows where he lives, is good friends with his mother, and will never let him hear the end of it if he says anything to the contrary.

Morty
The Mystic Seer of the Future
Type: Ghost
Positon: Fourth Badge—Fog
Entry: A talented psychic, this gym leader has trained for the majority of his life to hone his abilities, all with the hopes of one day meeting Ho-oh. As a result, Morty is a formidable battler with a plethora of talents, including the abilities to see spirits and the future. Unfortunately, given his self-appointed title, writing is apparently not among the aforementioned talents.

Chuck
His Roaring Fists Do the Talking
Type: Fighting
Positon: Fifth Badge—Storm
Entry: A manly individual who trains for nearly twenty-four hours a day beneath the roaring waterfalls of his gym. Nothing can convince this man to do anything, not even challengers, the league rules (concerning the proper formatting of gym titles in the Johto region) … or his unfortunately beleaguered wife.

Jasmine
The Steel-Clad Iron Defense Girl
Type: Steel
Positon: Sixth Badge—Mineral
Entry: A shy, sweet, and soft-spoken girl with a compassionate heart, Jasmine is both a friendly individual who is eager to make friends … and a steelix-wielding warrior princess who is fully capable of breaking every bone of the author’s body without pokémon. Needless to say, the author thinks Jasmine is a wonderful girl.

Pryce
The Teacher of Winter’s Harshness
Type: Ice
Positon: Seventh Badge—Glacier
Entry: A battle-hardened veteran trainer and a master of the ice type. The author is certain that Pryce is a wise individual who has plenty to teach the younger generations, but most of his conversations with this particular gym leader were more like one-sided rants about how modern technology is a plague to human existence and how the author in particular has contributed to the laziness and/or downfall of his own generation.

Clair
The Blessed User of Dragon Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Positon: Eighth Badge—Rising
Entry: A beautiful, talented, vastly intelligent, magnificently wise, and uniquely powerful mistress of dragon pokémon with whom the author has no quarrel. ~~(Please don’t hurt me.)~~

Cubone and Marowak please!

Strange that I’ve never covered this line. They’re truly fascinating pokémon. As they say, coming right up, anonymous!

Cubone
The Lonely Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 104
Entry: Because young cubone are both weak and the favored prey of many pokémon in its native mountains and cave systems, its marowak mother will almost always sacrifice herself to protect her child early in life. As part of its mourning process, the orphaned cubone, sometimes with the help of the rest of its community, will give its mother a funeral, complete with the ritualistic extraction of her skull and one of her femurs. These bones will then become the cubone’s armor and will serve to protect it throughout its life. Either because of the fact that it always carries around a reminder of its mother or because the experience of losing her early in life has scarred it for life, the cubone will never fully heal from the trauma. In fact, the lines that appear to be cracks along the eye sockets of its skull helmet are not cracks but rather stains left by the tears it constantly sheds. The author really has nothing else to add to this entry; he just wanted to inform his readers that those are tear tracks. You’re welcome.

Marowak
The Bone Keeper Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 105
Entry: The evolved form of cubone, by battle experience. Even after evolution, marowak do not find relief from the traumas they had experienced. Instead, evolution brings about the boost in power and confidence that they need to train harder and master the use of bones as melee weapons. Once mastering their style, they collect more bones to add to their armory. No one is quite certain where marowak gets these bones. Some say they excavate them from marowak graveyards. Others who are well aware of the fact that marowak evolve from cubone who had been forced to bury their mothers simply stare at the first group of people in quiet, unbelieving horror while silently praying that marowak just happen upon the remains of other dead pokémon.

Would you please write about Cherrim? A very underrated pokemon in my opinion. It’s so cute!

My editor would agree with you concerning the aesthetic qualities of the cherubi line, but it is indeed true that both pokémon are criminally underrated.

Cherubi
The Cherry Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 420
Entry: A small, cherry-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests of Sinnoh. Unlike many other pokémon, cherubi’s second head does not contain a brain. Rather, it contains supplemental nutrients it needs to grow. Once depleted, this second body shrivels up and may be plucked to aid in its preparations for evolution. (The ball will otherwise fall off on its own.) Meanwhile, like many grass-types, cherubi is edible, and the ball is sometimes gathered and cooked once lost. However, it should be noted that this ball must be fully cooked and eaten in small doses at that. It is a coincidence that this is pokémon #420, but it’s a very apt coincidence.

Cherrim
The Blossom Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 421
Entry: The evolved form of cherubi, by battle experience. For much of its life, cherrim will hide within its dense, dark violet petals to conserve energy. However, when exposed to bright sunlight, cherrim will open its blossom and become more energetic, outgoing, and otherwise joyful, and thus, even in its closed, overcast form, it is strongly inclined to seek out the outdoors, especially during sunny weather. For this reason, it is one of the few pokémon the author and presumably many others in his social media network will never be able to identify with.

Would you be able to write about swellow please? Its my favourite pokemon :)

Certainly! And thank you for your patience, anonymous.

Taillow
The Tiny Swallow Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 276
Entry: Due to their rapid growth and tendency to evolve rather quickly for bird-like pokémon, most taillow found in the wild are actually extremely young. Nonetheless, these are gutsy, spirited creatures who can hold their own in a battle. Out of a battle, however, taillow have an unfortunate tendency to cry when they’re hungry, when they’re lonely, when the weather is a few degrees colder than they care for, when it’s dark, when the wind is too strong for their liking, and several other instances that make earplugs wise investments for trainers who may be considering raising a taillow of their own.

Swellow
The Swallow Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 277
Entry: The evolved form of taillow, by battle experience. Known for its excellent flying skills—which consist of a combination of speed, endurance, and maneuverability that are virtually unmatched in the pokémon kingdom—swellow have the ability to swoop down from hundreds of feet in the air to snatch the tiniest insect in their feet with perfect accuracy. Of course, these skills are not limited for use in their daily hunting flights. In fact, swellow also use feats of aerial prowess to perform elaborate mating rituals, fly hundreds of miles to warmer climates in the autumn and winter, and coordinate with other swellow to carry coconuts tied together using a line of creeper held under the dorsal guiding feathers.

do you have any information on the Haxorus family?

Ah, the axew line. Such an interesting topic!

Axew
The Tusk Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 610
Entry: A rare, cave-dwelling dragon pokémon. The axew line is most famous for its sharp, prominent tusks, which begin to grow shortly after hatching. At this stage of its life, axew can lose their tusks as a result of intense battling, but they can quickly grow back over time. Additionally, axew frequently use their tusks to crush berries or, more commonly, to mark their territory against tree trunks. For the latter reason, trainers should take caution, as some axew have difficulty distinguishing between tree trunks and their trainers’ legs, and some of these axew have particularly brittle teeth.

Fraxure
The Axe Jaw Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 611
Entry: The evolved form of axew, by battle experience. Upon evolution, fraxure lose the ability to regrow their tusks, but in return, their tusks grow harder and sharper, to the point where they can shatter rocks. This may perhaps be of no comfort to trainers who were under the impression that evolution will spare their legs from axew marking. Doubly so for those who raise entire teams of axew, as fraxure are notorious for extremely violent and bloody territory battles, even between other fraxure.

Haxorus
The Axe Jaw Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 612
Entry: The evolved form of fraxure, by battle experience. Paradoxically, while their previous form was violently territorial, haxorus are known for being kind and gentle creatures (when not protecting their territories from active invaders). However, every part of a haxorus body is as hard as steel and as sharp as a well-maintained battle axe, so trainers of the axew line should be warned that evolution of their fraxure may not bring that much comfort—especially if their haxorus is particularly affectionate.

Hello Bill! I went through the entire database you have posted here (I love your work by the way!) and I have come across the realization that you do not have an entry for the fabled Pokemon Kyurem. I have heard it can easily generate freezing cold temperatures and is said to be vicious, so if you go to investigate, be careful! Be sure to post your findings as well.

Thank you!

It’s very true that I have yet to cover many of the Unovan legendaries, and I do agree that the legend of Kyurem is especially fascinating. However, I must say that it would hardly do the legend justice to cover only Kyurem and not the other two dragons associated with the story, so without further ado, the dragons of Unova:

Reshiram
The Vast White Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Fire
Official Registration #: 643
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Reshiram flew across the region on feathery, white wings and wielded powerful flames to fight in the name of truth. According to Unovan memes, however, the most interesting aspects of Reshiram are its species name and the pointed organ between its hind legs, and because of this unfortunately placed interest, this blog’s staff finds it necessary to clarify that the name “Vast White” refers to Reshiram’s height, the organ between its hind legs is a set of feathers that assists in navigation, and the author is immensely disappointed in anyone who assumes otherwise for any of this.

Zekrom
The Deep Black Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Electric
Official Registration #: 644
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Zekrom flew across the region on leathery, black wings and wielded powerful bolts of electricity to fight in the name of ideals. More specifically, Zekrom sided with anyone who sought an ideal world by hiding in anvil clouds and striking the earth or its trainer’s opponents with lightning. Because nothing says “Unovan” quite like establishing your concept of an ideal world via liberal application of excessive force, preferably from above.

Kyurem
The Boundary Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ice
Official Registration #: 646
Entry: According to Unovan folklore, Kyurem fell to Earth thousands of years ago, and in the process, the energy contained within its body split in two and evacuated to form Reshiram and Zekrom. In the absence of both its thirst for truth and passion for ideals, Kyurem became an icy shell: empty within, save for the power to exude supercold air capable of freezing anything within a mile radius of itself. In other words, Kyurem is a hollow being, devoid of all its hopes and dreams but in possession of an icy heart—which, in other words, means that this pokémon is a rather accurate depiction of adulthood.

Can you do the Lillipup line, please?

Ah, the lillipup line! Puppy-like lines are certainly some of the most fascinating, although I must say that lillipup isn’t quite as scientifically curious as eevee. Nonetheless…

Lillipup
The Puppy Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 506
Entry: According to the Unovan pokédex, this small, terrier-like pokémon is both brave and intelligent. When faced with an opponent of equal or lesser strength than itself, it will attack to defend its trainer from harm. However, when faced with an opponent of greater strength than itself, it will acknowledge its opponent’s strength and run away. Unfortunately, however, this is only what it does in theory. In practice, lillipup are small, tenacious pokémon that will bark and charge at anything, regardless of power. While this may sound adorable, the author should warn you that this means anything and that it would be extremely prudent to keep lillipup away from anything that may charge a trainer as well. Such as bouffalant.

Herdier
The Loyal Dog Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 507
Entry: The evolved form of lillipup, by battle experience. As herdier grows, the black, cape-like fur on its back hardens and thickens to form a cushion against any blow it may receive. Each hair is coarse, and the older a herdier gets, the coarser and more needle-like these hairs become. It should also be noted that while herdier normally do not shed excessively, the occasional hair loss is normal … which is to say, it may be prudent to get rid of any and all carpeting in your home.

Stoutland
The Big-Hearted Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 508
Entry: The evolved form of herdier, by battle experience. Although many people outside of the research community believe stoutland’s species name refers to its kindness and bravery (traits inferred from its tendency to seek out and rescue lost humans and pokémon in even the fiercest mountainous blizzards), in actuality, it stems from its literal abnormally large heart, which can weigh up to 1.2% of its body weight—possibly even more for those that exercise particularly vigorously. How a three-foot-tall dog can have a heart that large without telekinetic assistance or suffering the effects of abnormally high blood pressure or other coronary issues is still a matter of scientific debate and fascination.

Hey, can you write something on Noibat and Noivern? :D

Certainly!

Noibat
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 714
Entry: A small, bat-like pokémon native to the most remote Kalosean cave systems. Noibat thrive in the deepest parts of a cave system and only come out during the darkest parts of the night in order to hunt for insects and forage for fruits in peace. It navigates both the darkness of its labyrinthine home and the pitch black of its hunting grounds by using echolocation combined with the uniquely potent ultrasonic waves that noibat are infamous for. Clocking in at 200 kHz, noibat’s cries cannot be heard by the human ear but can be felt on an intrinsic level and have been known to render even the hardiest human incapacitated. These cries also explain why zubat, who also use echolocation and possess sensitive hearing, are not native to caves where noibat live … and why bringing a noibat with you to caves where zubat do live will make you a very popular trainer very quickly.

Noivern
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 715
Entry: The evolved form of noibat, by battle experience. Because of its alarming appearance and the fact that—like the hematophagous crobat—it is a bat-like pokémon, noivern has cultivated a negative cultural reputation. There are many stories of noivern swooping into homes in the night to suck blood from unsuspecting humans, and even in modern times, noivern is irrevocably intertwined with the legend of the vampire. However, trainers should rest assured that noivern is primarily a frugavore, with much of its diet consisting of berries with the occasional supplement of insect-based protein, regardless of what the Kalosean pokédex would have you believe. In fact, noivern is actually rather docile and avoids human contact if at all possible, unless tamed—at which point, it becomes a fiercely loyal pokémon known for its nocturnal battling abilities and eagerness to please. Crobat, on the other hand…