Carnivine

Carnivine
The Bug Catcher Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 455
Entry: A large, flycatcher pokémon first discovered in the marshlands of Sinnoh. Using their sweet-smelling saliva, carnivine lures prey into their jaw-like leaves, then chomps down and allows their acidic sap do the rest. Because of the novelty of this mechanism, carnivine are popular pets, and one of the most popular things to do with them is tap on the leaves to get them to close. However, it should be noted that this activity, although commonly practiced, is actually harmful in two ways. First, once closed around prey, carnivine cannot open their jaws until said prey is fully digested, which can take up to a day. Second, their jaws snap shut faster than one would think, which means sticking one’s arm into a carnivine’s jaws is a terrible idea, regardless of how inebriated you are.

Drifloon and Drifblim

Drifloon
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Flying
Official Registration #: 425
Entry: A small, balloon-like pokémon first discovered in the mountains of Sinnoh. This potentially dangerous pokémon is well-aware of its cute, balloon-like appearance, as it uses this to its advantage when hunting its meal of choice: the souls of children. When it spots a potential victim, drifloon floats close and offers one of its string-like appendages for the child to take. In theory, the next step would be that the drifloon lifts the child and carries them away from their home, but considering the fact that the average toddler weighs ten times (at minimum) as much as the average drifloon, what typically happens instead is that the drifloon is dragged away from its natural habitat and presented to understandably horrified parents. (This is why most drifloon who survive in the wilderness feed on a supplemental diet of berries and dreams.)

Drifblim
The Blimp Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Flying
Official Registration #: 426
Entry: The evolved form of drifloon, by battle experience. Upon evolution, this blimp-like pokémon loses its desire to hunt. Rather, it adopts a more easy-going personality and has been known to befriend both people and pokémon very willingly. Moreover, drifblim gain an increase in strength, which, combined with drifblim’s more docile nature, tends to lead trainers into believing this pokémon would be an ideal candidate to teach the Fly technique to. However, it should also be noted that although drifblim can support the weight of a fully grown human being, it cannot control where it goes once airborne or how long it remains in the air, which is to say that drifblim is really the only ideal candidate to teach Fly to if one does not mind spending a week to go from Hearthome City to Canalave by way of Sunyshore and Oreburgh … somehow.

Which Eeveelution would you recommend a trainer beginning their journey in Sinnoh should aim for? I’m sure some are easier for beginners than others.

All of them. Just get a full team of eeveelutions. Rotate out a couple as needed, but just put together a full assortment of eeveelutions. You will regret nothing.

Edit: I have just been informed by my editor that this is “an inadequate response” and that I should “take legitimate questions seriously, Bill,” so allow me to revise the above statement.

Let’s assume that you’re either starting with an eeveelution of your choice or that you’re starting with an eevee that you have the option of evolving using any means possible soon after you receive it. (We can also assume that “any means possible” includes the method needed to obtain a sylveon, which evolves via a technique most easily performed in Kalos.) Let’s also assume that you intend on tackling the traditional order of the Sinnoh League circuit, which begins in Oreburgh and ends in Sunyshore.

That all said, which you choose depends entirely on your battling style and what the rest of your team will be by the time you reach Eterna. If you’re the sort who battles according to type advantages, the very first gym in the circuit is run by Roark, who is a rock-type specialist. Therefore, the easiest eeveelutions to have with you would be vaporeon, leafeon, or possibly glaceon, whereas the most challenging eeveelutions to have would be flareon and jolteon. However, the second gym is run by grass-type specialist Gardenia, which means glaceon will have the overall best advantage for the first two gyms, followed by leafeon (which has a defensive advantage against its own type).

By the time you clear these gyms, you should gather together enough pokémon that the rest of the circuit will depend less on what type your eevee has become, although it certainly doesn’t hurt to take these into consideration. Which is to say after the second gym, glaceon may struggle with Maylene unless you’ve obtained support in the form of a psychic- or flying-type (of which there are numerous options in Sinnoh), as well as Byron (who should really be approached with fighting-types anyway). Vaporeon will face far more struggles thanks to Pastoria’s water-type gym and Sunyshore’s electric-type gym, and leafeon should be brought nowhere near Snowpoint’s ice-type gym. Again, though, all of these have counters in the form of Sinnoh’s native pokémon.

On the other hand, if we consider average battling capabilities, espeon has an excellent distribution of speed, offensive, and defensive abilities, making it one of the easier eeveelutions to train. Taking into consideration the fact that its type is neutral to the first two gyms and effective against the third, espeon may be your best choice, but you’ll encounter difficulties against ghost-type specialist Fantina, as well as against Elite Four members Lucian and Aaron. Alternatively, there’s jolteon, which is slightly faster than espeon, but it’s slightly weaker, it lacks physical defenses, and it will run into trouble with not only Roark’s partial-ground-types but also Byron’s, as well as Volkner’s electric-types.

In my personal opinion, however, it’s much better to go with a more defensive pokémon if you’re starting out than one that can hit quicker and faster, which means either flareon or umbreon would be ideal choices. It should be noted, though, that although flareon excels in defending against special attacks, it does not do so well in defending against physical ones, which is a problem when going up against Roark’s gym. However, if trained well, it would be an effective team member, especially in light of the fact that fire-types are rare in the Sinnoh region, whereas many of the obstacles you may face might require the assistance of one. Meanwhile, while umbreon has the best overall defenses of any of the eeveelutions (never mind type advantages against both Fantina and Lucian), it’s also the slowest and weakest offensively. However, umbreon’s defenses are so impressive that the trick with training it is simply to chip away at an opponent while they struggle to defeat you.

As for sylveon, it’s not exactly a terrible choice at all, but it should be noted that a fairy-type would struggle against Byron, Flint, and part of Aaron’s team. On the other hand, it would excel against Maylene, and it boasts decent—but not necessarily excellent—offensive and defensive capabilities (but rather unimpressive speed).

In short, for a beginner, it depends. If you focus on type advantages, leafeon may be the best choice, all things considered. Espeon and flareon are the best for those interested in offensive pokémon, and umbreon is the best in terms of defensive trainers. Get a jolteon if you wish for something speedy.

But really, all of them are excellent choices.

Would you please write about Cherrim? A very underrated pokemon in my opinion. It’s so cute!

My editor would agree with you concerning the aesthetic qualities of the cherubi line, but it is indeed true that both pokémon are criminally underrated.

Cherubi
The Cherry Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 420
Entry: A small, cherry-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests of Sinnoh. Unlike many other pokémon, cherubi’s second head does not contain a brain. Rather, it contains supplemental nutrients it needs to grow. Once depleted, this second body shrivels up and may be plucked to aid in its preparations for evolution. (The ball will otherwise fall off on its own.) Meanwhile, like many grass-types, cherubi is edible, and the ball is sometimes gathered and cooked once lost. However, it should be noted that this ball must be fully cooked and eaten in small doses at that. It is a coincidence that this is pokémon #420, but it’s a very apt coincidence.

Cherrim
The Blossom Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 421
Entry: The evolved form of cherubi, by battle experience. For much of its life, cherrim will hide within its dense, dark violet petals to conserve energy. However, when exposed to bright sunlight, cherrim will open its blossom and become more energetic, outgoing, and otherwise joyful, and thus, even in its closed, overcast form, it is strongly inclined to seek out the outdoors, especially during sunny weather. For this reason, it is one of the few pokémon the author and presumably many others in his social media network will never be able to identify with.

Murkrow and Honchkrow

Murkrow
The Darkness Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 198
Entry: A crow-like pokémon native to the forests and mountains of Johto and Sinnoh. This wily pokémon is widely feared and loathed by many cultures, including those outside its home regions. Part of this may have to do with its tendency to collect shiny objects: it often steals from unwary travelers, which in turn provokes said travelers to chase after them. Should a human fall into this trap, the murkrow will lead them deep into the densest parts of their territories before flying off, leaving the human lost and stranded in the wilderness. Of course, a human would need to be pretty witless to follow a murkrow in the first place, given the fact that the entire species derives its name from the words “crow” and “murder.”

Bill, didn’t you once have to be rescued after following a murkrow? —LH

That was a fluke. —Bill

Of course it was. —LH

Honchkrow
The Big Boss Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 430
Entry: The evolved form of murkrow, by exposure to dusk stone. This giant crow-like pokémon is capable of controlling entire flocks of murkrow. When a massive scavenging job needs to be done or whenever nests need to be made, it issues a deep, booming cry to summon every murkrow within miles. Because the numbers of murkrow that respond to this call frequently block out the sun for minutes at a time, honchkrow is colloquially called the “Summoner of the Night.” Which, incidentally, is also a great and surprisingly unused name for a band.

The Chansey Line

Happiny
The Playhouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 440
Entry: This small, egg-like pokémon carries around a smooth, round stone that it apparently mistakes for an egg. It is not recommend that one tells a happiny—even in jest—that the stone is not, in fact, an egg, as doing so will result in the happiny bursting into tears, which in turn will result in a very stern lecture from your research partner.

Chansey
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 113
Entry: The evolved form of happiny, by battle experience, during the day, if the subject is holding an oval stone. A rare, motherly pokémon with incredible regenerative abilities, chansey are practical angels to trainers and those in the medical field. They possess the ability to lay eggs whose yolk have unique healing properties, and whenever these pokémon come across injured humans or pokémon, it will generously share these eggs with these parties. Of course, what is not often mentioned is how chansey will share these eggs—which is to say, never twist your ankle in a field where chansey are known to live, as this will very likely result in you being hit with Egg Bomb from every possible angle. Yolk will get everywhere. Even in places you didn’t think it would be possible for yolk to be.

Blissey
The Happiness Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 242
Entry: The evolved form of chansey, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. The eggs it lays are composed of chemicals that induce euphoria in any human that consumes it. Additionally, blissey fur is highly sensitive and is, through means not yet understood, capable of detecting sadness. Using both abilities, blissey have a tendency to stop whatever they’re doing and rush towards any source of unhappiness in order to share their eggs with the unfortunate person. One would think, given the above, that blissey would be popular pokémon to have around hospitals and other sources of high stress levels, but this is only true for carefully trained blissey. There has been more than one incident of casually trained or wild blissey wreaking havoc on college campuses or in the wild due to their tendency to rush towards sources of unhappiness, and given the fact that “sharing” for a blissey means the same thing as “sharing” does for chansey, each of these instances ended, literally speaking, quite messily. Needless to say, one can expect to be cleaning yolk off themselves up to a week later.

Lickitung and Lickilicky

Lickitung
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 108
Entry: This lizard-like pokémon is most famous for its six-foot-long tongue. Its tongue is both prehensile and covered with a sticky saliva, and because of this, lickitung will use this appendage far more than its actual hands. When extending this tongue, lickitung’s tail will quiver, which has led scientists to believe that either there is a neural connection between this pokémon’s tongue and tail or the pokémon simply gets excited when using the former. Either way, this combination of traits has led certain cultures to view lickitung as a euphemism—for what, the author cannot say but highly advises readers not to Google.

Lickilicky
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 463
Entry: The evolved form of lickitung, if the subject knows Rollout. Much like its preevolved form, lickilicky relies on its highly prehensile tongue to manipulate objects around it, as opposed to its hands. However, it should be noted that lickilicky’s saliva gains anesthetic properties upon evolution, and as such, any human or smaller, non-poisonous pokémon that comes in contact with a lickilicky’s tongue will experience a sudden numbing sensation throughout their body. This is also taken as a euphemism by some cultures, and the author would like to issue an even stronger recommendation to avoid Googling why if at all possible.

The Rhyhorn Line

Rhyhorn
The Spikes Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 111
Entry: This rhinoceros-like pokémon possesses a hefty body reinforced by a rock-like hide. Due to its weight and durability, the average rhyhorn is capable of inflicting a devastating amount of damage. However, this ability, combined with its bulk and relative lack of intelligence, mean stampedes of this pokémon can be incredibly dangerous or even deadly, as once it begins to charge, it finds it difficult to turn or prevent itself from plowing into and destroying anything in its path. So naturally, Kaloseans have developed rhyhorn racing, a sport in which human riders spur rhyhorn forward at each specimen’s topmost speed along a winding track, likely because when your culture is built upon centuries of war and death, your residents end up with unfortunate judgment.

Bill, your home region’s culture was built upon centuries of war and death. —LH

Yes, well, look at Johto’s reputation. —Bill

Okay, fair point. —LH

Rhydon
The Drill Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 112
Entry: The evolved form of rhyhorn, by battle experience. Upon evolution, this pokémon rises to its hind feet. This gives it the ability to use its hands for stability, allowing it to brace itself against walls or its opponent as it drills. Additionally, the drill on its head is said to be harder than diamond and capable of punching holes into virtually anything, including solid bedrock. It should be noted that although the horns of male rhyhorn are longer than those of the female, they are not phallic objects either, Bebe.

Rhyperior
The Drill Pokémon
Type: Ground/Rock
Official Registration #: 464
Entry: The evolved form of rhydon, via trading if the subject has had a protector applied to it. This tank-like pokémon can withstand the heat and force of a volcanic eruption, and its cannon-like arms are capable of shooting rocks the size of geodude. These rocks are not produced by the rhyperior (unlike the rocks of many other rock-types’ attacks) but are, rather, picked up from the ground and inserted into the holes in its palms. In rare cases, rhyperior may pick up actual geodude and use them as ammunition. Given the image of a pokémon inserting a living or otherwise foreign object into a hole within its body, it should be noted that this is neither a euphemism, nor is it particularly pleasant for the geodude involved.

Tangela and Tangrowth

Tangela
The Vine Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 114
Entry: The body of this pokémon is obscured completely in vines. Efforts have been made to either cut the vines off or straighten them out in order to study tangela’s main body, but these were deemed inhumane and impossible, respectively. As it stands, researchers only know tangela’s body to be stump-like, fleshy, thick, and round, with plenty of surface area for its prehensile, tentacle-like vines to grow. Despite this description, no, it is not a phallic object, Bebe.

Tangrowth
The Vine Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 465
Entry: The evolved form of tangela, by battle experience, if the specimen can use Ancient Power. Tangrowth are twice as large as tangela, and as such, they are capable of growing far more twisting, wild vines than their preevolved form. Some of these vines are permanently locked together to form hands, which tangrowth uses not only to ensnare and pick things up but also to thrust at the opponent during its attacks. Despite this description, it is also not a phallic object, Bebe.

The Porygon Line

Porygon
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 137
Entry: A bird-like virtual pokémon that exists within a digital environment. It has the capability of entering and exiting said environment using very similar procedures as the digitization of poké balls in that it converts the code that comprises its body into a solid cross between plastic, a carbon-based polymer, and hard light (similar to that used in Reflect and Light Screen). As an extended note, this pokémon has been copyprotected by Silph Co., so no, you wouldn’t steal a pokémon, Motion Picture Association of Unova.

Porygon2
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 233
Entry: The evolved form of porygon, via trading if the subject has had an up-grade applied to it. In order to assist with actual rocket science involved with the Unovan space program, scientists have taken a porygon and reformatted it into a porygon2, thus refining it to work smarter and more efficiently than its previous form. Thus, it is said that porygon2 is a pokémon that was created with the power of science … which, as this writer is currently being told by his editor, is the first and only time he may use “with the power of science” in this blog, especially as a justification for the creation of life.

Porygon-Z
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 474
Entry: The evolved form of porygon2, via trading if the subject has had a dubious disc applied to it. In an attempt to create an even faster and more efficient form of the porygon line, scientists applied brand-new software onto a porygon2, resulting in a bug-filled, highly erratic and unpredictable virtual pokémon that would frequently refuse to operate as intended. And this, readers, is why you give your poor developers enough time to test the software you pay them to create.

It’s okay, Bill. The Pokémon Association can’t hurt you anymore. —LH