Klefki

Klefki
The Key Ring Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fairy
Official Registration #: 707
Entry: This sentient key ring pokémon never lets go of any key it finds. It is thus valued among the people of its native Kalos as a means to keep important keys—such as those to safes, vaults, and one’s home—safe, but at the same time, it is also a fantastically dangerous pokémon around keys one would like to keep on their own person … such as those to the second motorbike one obtains from a specific rental company, following the destruction of the first one.

The Beldum Line

Beldum
The Iron Ball Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 374
Entry: A magnetic pokémon rare in but native to the mountains of Hoenn and Sinnoh. It uses its magnetism to move and communicate with other beldum, both of which are essential to it, as its movepool is limited. More specifically, until evolution, beldum only learn one move naturally: Take Down, a devastating physical move in which it rams itself into its opponent, dealing damage to both itself and its target. As an aside, given the shape of this pokémon and the aforementioned fact, it is worth it to note that “rams itself into its opponent” is also not a euphemism, Bebe, and quite frankly, the author is horrified by the fact that anyone thinks it would be.

Metang
The Iron Claw Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 375
Entry: The evolved form of beldum, by battle experience. When two beldum become very close, their magnetism draws them closer together until they fuse at the head to form a larger, faster, and stronger pokémon gifted with a higher sense of enlightenment and intelligence. To answer Bebe’s question, no, this is not a metaphor, nor is this an accurate description of how certain organs the author and people like him would work during any sort of biological function outside of terribly written and highly bizarre slash fanfiction.

Metagross
The Iron Leg Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 376
Entry: The evolved form of metagross, by battle experience. Much akin to beldum evolution, metagross form when two metang fuse. The resulting pokémon is not only physically and magically powerful (in that it is capable of launching both devastating physical attacks and devastating psychic attacks) but also highly intelligent. The combined brains of the constituent metang work in unison, allowing the metagross’s brain as a whole to function as a highly efficient supercomputer. …This, of course, is what makes metagross interesting, not the first thing in this entry, yet the author’s Sinnohan colleague is writing the fanfiction anyway.

Onix and Steelix

Onix
The Rock Snake Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 96
Entry: A giant serpentine pokémon native to the cave systems of Kanto and Johto. As it grows, onix’s stone body hardens until its skin resembles diamond, which protects it as it burrows at high speeds in search of sustenance … all of which is not an extended euphemism, contrary to the opinions of the Sinnohan storage system administrator.

Steelix
The Iron Snake Pokémon
Type: Steel/Ground
Official Registration #: 208
Entry: The evolved form of onix, most easily via trading if the subject has had a metal coat applied to it. As this snake-like pokémon ages, it burrows deeper into the ground, where the pressure of the earth itself and the heat from the planet’s core tempers its steel skin. While tamed steelix may have this coat artificially applied to it before trading, it is possible for steelix to evolve from wild onix. Using this process, steelix initially have a rocky hide but form their coats from the minerals it consumes as it burrows. A sheath begins to form on its face first (as this is the first thing that burrows into the ground) but gradually slides backwards until it coats the entire length of the specimen. Friction compacts and hardens this coat until the aforementioned process of tempering (via pressure from the earth and heat from the planetary core) may occur. And no, this is still not an extended euphemism, Bebe.

The Klink Line

Klink
The Gear Pokémon
Type: Steel
Official Registration #: 599
Entry: Although every klink consists of minigears that look similar to those of every other klink, in actuality, each minigear possesses gears that vary ever so slightly to the point where the minigear of one will not fit with the minigear of the other. Thus, klink that become separated and encounter other klink will simply rebound off of any minigear that is not their predetermined partner. Interestingly, however, klink minigear must always be in motion, as their constant movement against each other generates the energy a full klink requires to live, and the second a klink separates, that movement ceases. So how the behavior of separated klink minigears may be observed is, as with many other pieces of pokémonology, a point of mystery and fascination to this author.

Klang
The Gear Pokémon
Type: Steel
Official Registration #: 600
Entry: The evolved form of klink, by battle experience. Klang uses the speed and direction of its gears to communicate its emotions; the faster and more rigorous its gears turn, the more excited or upset it is. At its most agitated, its gears may reach speeds that could cause components to be shot free from a klang’s body. Should this happen, the klang’s entire bioelectrical system will cease to move, which in turn will force the unfortunate klang to shut down and die. Also at risk for dying: anyone standing within range of a large, thin piece of metal being shot from an overheating mechanical pokémon. Needless to say, only one of these things is mentioned in the Unovan pokédex.

Klinklang
The Gear Pokémon
Type: Steel
Official Registration #: 601
Entry: The evolved form of klang, by battle experience. The red core in the center of this giant mechanical pokémon serves as an energy tank. As klinklang spins, it generates energy that the core then channels into its electrical and light-based attacks. Of course, this bright red, giant core that is largely exposed from above may also serve a second, handier purpose: as a giant bullseye for quite seriously anything that wishes to attack as it generates the power it needs to strike.

The Burmy Line

Burmy
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 412
Entry: A small, larval pokémon native to Sinnohan forests. Burmy’s actual body is small and fragile, so it covers itself with anything within reach to create a cloak capable of softening blows against it as well as camouflaging it in its immediate environment. Additionally, “within reach” does, in fact, mean within reach, so burmy that find themselves in urban environments frequently use trash to cover themselves. It is possibly for this reason that this small, fragile creature known for burying itself in trash has become a symbol for the users of certain social media platforms on the internet.

Wormadam
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass or Bug/Ground or Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 413
Entry: The evolved form of female burmy, by battle experience. Somehow, the process of evolution fuses a newly formed female burmy to her coat, resulting in a wormadam that is permanently covered in leaves, stones, or other conveniently placed debris. Thus, there are indeed wormadam permanently fused to a coat of trash, which some users on the aforementioned social media platform have said makes this pokémon even more relatable.

Mothim
The Moth Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 414
Entry: The evolved form of male burmy, by battle experience. Upon evolution, male burmy break free from their cloaks and fly on gigantic wings across the region. This act of breaking free then allows mothim the utmost maneuverability, which in turn gives him the ability to steal honey from combee, chase down and mate with any wormadam he comes across, and make his home anywhere without needing to build a nest. It is for all three reasons that some users on the aforementioned social media platforms believe that “mothim’s trash cloak is on the inside.”

The Piplup Line

Piplup
The Penguin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 393
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Sinnoh. An intensely proud penguin pokémon native to Sinnoh’s frigid northern climes. Due to its proud nature, it is a difficult pokémon to raise and will frequently disobey its trainers and refuse food, purely because piplup in general believe that they are above being tamed. Thus, it is highly advisable to employ reverse psychology when first training piplup. When piplup refuse to eat, simply pretend to not want to feed it, and it will eventually attempt to take your food, as it will believe doing so would be an act of disobedience. When this tactic begins to fail (due to piplup growing wise to it), it is then that a trainer will need to switch tactics in order to continue giving their piplup the impression that feeding is somehow still disobeying their wishes. The author humbly and quite seriously suggests reverse reverse psychology.

Prinplup
The Penguin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 394
Entry: The evolved form of piplup, by battle experience. In general, a piplup’s attitude does not improve upon evolution. Quite the contrary—each individual prinplup develops the unfortunate opinion that they are the most important being in the world, and thus, they isolate themselves within separate nests dug into the icy cliffs of northern Sinnoh, far from each other and any other pokémon they deem morally and genetically inferior. In other words, prinplup form opinions the exact same way most Kantonian politicians do, and the best prinplup trainers can do is take a page from the average Kantonian citizen by pointing their prinplup in the general direction of an opponent and letting them go at it, so to speak.

Empoleon
The Emperor Pokémon
Type: Water/Steel
Official Registration #: 395
Entry: The evolved form of prinplup, by battle experience. While empoleon are generally more mellow than either of its predecessors, they are, as a whole, still vastly proud of their abilities. It is just that they’re more likely to gather in groups, possibly because they realize that some interaction with one another is necessary for the sake of their own species. However, every empoleon-piplup rookery has one lead empoleon that makes the decisions for the rest of the flock. This empoleon is usually determined by sight: they choose the empoleon with the biggest horns to be their superior … a process that, contrary to popular belief on the internet, is not a euphemism.

Ferroseed and Ferrothorn

Ferroseed
The Thorn Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 597
Entry: A seed-like pokémon native to Unovan caves. Using its sharp thorns, ferroseed anchors itself to the iron-rich walls of its subterranean habitat. However, when it senses danger, it fires its thorns in all directions, which enable it to roll away quickly. Given the fact that it possesses a thick iron hide and the fact that it dwells primarily in cold caves, far from the natural habitats of any Unovan fire-type, it may be difficult to grasp what might prey on the ferroseed, but in truth, the answer is the human. Not only are the soft innards of a ferroseed a delicacy (noted for its strong, cheese-and-onion taste, as well as their slight hallucinogenic properties), but also, only a human being would be masochistic enough to figure this out.

Ferrothorn
The Thorn Pod Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 598
Entry: The evolved form of ferroseed, by battle experience. A ferroseed’s hide thickens upon evolution, which causes it to lose its ability to move quickly across a cave floor but gain the ability to withstand harsher attacks. As such, it has become a highly sought-after pokémon to many trainers, as it can root itself in the middle of the battlefield and unleash a combination of Spikes, Leech Seed, and Toxic before suffering the consequences of one too many Flamethrowers. Of course, despite its advantages on the battlefield, there are many disadvantages to training a ferrothorn, namely the fact that not all battlefields are flat surfaces—which, incidentally, should be taken as a note of caution to anyone who thinks bringing an immobile, 240-pound grass-type to the Cerulean Gym is a fantastic idea.

Bronzor and Bronzong

Bronzor
The Bronze Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 436
Entry: A reflective pokémon created by the ancient Sinnohans. The markings on its back form an intricate pattern, and its entire body had, at one point, been highly reflective. Given both of these, some researchers believe that bronzor served decorative purposes in temples and the homes of the wealthy. However, the fact that it was imbued with telekinetic abilities, combined with its perfectly flat surface and its prevalence more in wealthy homes than in sacred places, seem to suggest that bronzor would have also made a rather nice floating hors d’oeuvres plate instead. (The ancients, it is said, were highly respectful to natural pokémon. Pokémon they’ve created themselves, however … possibly less so.)

Bronzong
The Bronze Bell Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 437
Entry: The evolved form of bronzor, by battle experience. Bronzong are sacred bell pokémon whose ringing is said to possess the power to open portals and summon rain from other places. Thus, in ancient times, bronzong was worshipped as a spirit of the harvest, and sacrifices were often made to it as a way of encouraging it to summon rain so that villages may have plentiful harvests. In modern times, these pokémon are typically found buried underneath sites that had once been ancient Sinnoah villages, indicating that perhaps not all of their attempts to bring rain were successful.

Heatmor and Durant

Heatmor
The Anteater Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 631
Entry: An anteater pokémon that lives in caves. Using its narrow snout and its flame-spewing abilities, heatmor is able to reach into the burrows of its primary food source and kill off massive amounts of durant at one time using just one Flamethrower. Unfortunately, seeing as this move would kill entire durant nests before any of heatmor’s prey moved close enough to the opening of their burrows and seeing as heatmor can’t actually learn any moves it can use to excavate its meals, this narrow snout, combined with literal fire powers, may not be the wisest adaptation for heatmor to have.

Durant
The Iron Ant Pokémon
Type: Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 632
Entry: An ant-like pokémon that lives in caves. Using its durable pincers, durant carves twisting nests deep into rock walls. This, combined with its ability to reinforce its metal armor and its tendency to band together in massive waves, helps it to protect itself and its young from its only natural predator, heatmor. Unfortunately, heatmor have the ability to exhale streams of fire that can follow these narrow corridors right to the heart of durant colonies, which is to say that perhaps these were not the wisest survival adaptations for durant to have.

Jirachi

It seems we’ve hit a milestone, dear readers. For that, I would like to take the time to thank all of you who have joined me thus far. It’s an honor to be able to share my wealth of information and experiences (…largely experiences) with all of you.

As a gift to you, a special entry, concerning a very special pokémon to my very patient editor. We hope you enjoy!

Jirachi
The Wish Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 385
Entry: A legendary pokémon that, according to Hoennian lore, possesses the power to grant any wish. Many other legends are attached to this particular pokémon, most notably the story of how it will sleep for a thousand years, only to awaken for one week as a particular comet passes over the sky. It is also said that the way to awaken Jirachi from its thousand-year slumber is by singing to it in a voice of purity. The latter is quite possibly a little closer to the truth than the former, as it has been noted that the last time Jirachi has awakened was in 2003, not long after the release of the first solo album by a certain artist who shall remain nameless here but who the rest of the internet seems to know very well. (A hint: Scientists are not entirely certain which song on the album might have awakened Jirachi, but most theories lean towards “Me, Myself & I.”)