Bonsly
The Bonsai Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 438
Entry: A short, artificial tree-like pokémon. Native to more arid climates, bonsly struggle in humid heat and thus expel water through their eyes in order to regulate body moisture levels. This process is often accompanied by cries that are so plaintive and baby-like that some humans have been known to run to a “crying” bonsly and proceed to dote on them. Some bonsly are also known to use this to their advantage for the sake of getting spoiled by humans, such as in the case of one particular research subject that was temporarily in the care of a good friend of the author’s.

Before you continue to make fun of me for falling for one bonsly, Bill, may I remind you that you do this to literally every eevee in your care? —LH

Sudowoodo
The Imitation Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 185
Entry: The evolved form of bonsly, by battle experience, if the subject knows Mimic. A tall, artificial tree-like pokémon. When attacked, sudowoodo will drop everything, stand among the closest trees, and cease moving in an effort to blend in with its surrounding forest. This tactic is surprisingly very effective, despite the facts that a sudowoodo’s skin is very clearly rock, that it possesses a face, and that it will often use this tactic even when closely pursued by its attacker.