Cutiefly and Ribombee

Cutiefly
The Bee Fly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fairy
Official Registration #: 742
Entry: To most pokémon and humans, this small, fuzzy bee fly pokémon is both adorable and essential to the environment. Their abundance of soft fur and love for resting in flowers make them ideal pollinators, and the docile natures they have as adults make them highly popular pets. Given these traits, it should really come as no surprise to anyone who had read this blog for very long that young, wild cutiefly are vicious predators of other insect pokémon and that it singlehandedly controls certain insect populations of its native Alola by way of laying eggs in their nests and burrows, forcing them to take care of the hatchlings, and allowing said hatchlings to feast on the eggs and young of their own victims.

Ribombee
The Bee Fly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fairy
Official Registration #: 743
Entry: The evolved form of cutiefly, by battle experience. This bee fly-like pokémon gathers pollen from a wide variety of flowers to roll into balls. The easiest way to tell the difference between a male and female ribombee is by what each specimen does with these balls: males will roll them up and give them to females, and females will keep both the balls they form and the balls given to them on their bodies. These balls are highly nutritious and vital to the health of a ribombee’s young, and as such, they’re normally given to newly hatched cutiefly that have consumed the young or eggs of their host species. It’s also possible to harvest these pollen balls for human consumption, as they’re thought to be excellent probiotics and general nutritional supplements in the same way honey is for our species. However, this is ill-advised for two reasons, other than the obvious fact that wild ribombee are more than capable of defending themselves. First, there isn’t enough evidence to definitively prove that a ribombee’s pollen balls are as nutritional to humans as they are to cutiefly. Second, to be blunt, whereas male ribombee carry their pollen balls in their scarves (because they handle so few of them at a time), female ribombee not only utilize their scarves but also the fur on their backsides, and yes, farmers aren’t particularly discerning as to which part of the ribombee pollen balls are harvested. According to the very same people who take ribombee pollen balls as daily herbal supplements, the “added organic matter” is a bonus. Make of that what you will and take at your own risk.

Are there any pokemon that are considered “taboo” to eat or are they all pretty much game? (as long as they are farmed or hunted properly of course)

Well, if you hunt it, it’s by definition game.

Bill. —LH

Edit: Right, right. Terribly sorry.

Generally speaking, there are quite a few pokémon humans should not eat, either due to cultural issues or simply because not all pokémon can be eaten.

First and foremost, there are the legendaries, as these are culturally significant—although the sheer difficulty in obtaining one would make this moot anyway. Ghost-types and dragon-types are likewise considered to be untouchable for the exact same reason.

Second and equally obvious are pokémon that are not edible to begin with. This category includes all rock-types and most steel-types due to body composition (excadrill is the only exception when it comes to steel-types, as the others either possess armor or are taboo for other reasons), as well as many poison-types due to the difficulty in removing their venom. As noted in earlier entries, there are other poison-types that are completely fine to eat so long as they’re prepared with the utmost care. These are typically the more animal-like poison-types. The less animal-like a poison-type is, the more likely it is to be lethally poisonous, with pokémon such as grimer, koffing, and trubbish (as well as their evolved forms) being particularly deadly.

Additionally, there are members of other types that are also not edible, including slugma, the baltoy line, the porygon line, the voltorb line, cryogonal, the bergmite line, and anything whose special ability is either Flame Body or Magma Armor. Grass-types tend to be either-or on the subject; of the non-poisonous species, anything that is not made of or covered in wood may be eaten.

Ditto is likewise not edible for reasons similar to the problem facing poison-types. As ditto produce more ditto by budding, breaking off a piece of one (say, by biting it) is not a guarantee that what you consume will actually be dead, and it’s not easy to kill a ditto, either. Which is to say, consuming a ditto, even cooked, may result in a very unpleasant death for the person daring enough to try it.

On a technical level, psychic-types are also considered to be inedible, although this is largely because all psychic-types possess a telepathic defense mechanism. In other words, attempting to kill a perfectly healthy psychic-type, even using humane slaughtering techniques, may result in permanent brain damage. It’s simply not worth it.

Among the pokémon that are technically edible, only a percentage is universally or culturally acceptable to eat. We do not, for example, kill and eat pokémon that greatly resemble humans, including the machop line, the tyrogue line, the timburr line, the makuhita line, sawk, and throh (as well as those that are also psychics, such as jynx and gardevoir). Likewise, most cultures frown on the consumption of “pet” pokémon, such as the clefairy and jigglypuff lines, as well as starters, monkey- or ape-like pokémon, and all feline, equine (yes, including blitzle and zebstrika), and canine pokémon. Pokémon known for their healing attributes, such as audino and chansey, are also taboo, although chansey’s eggs are fair game (but only if the chansey freely gives you one). Speaking of eggs, the togepi line is also frowned upon, despite the fact that many cultures have plenty of jokes concerning the slaughtering of togepi for breakfast.

Finally, if it’s rare, then there are actually government regulations in place protecting those species from being hunted. Farfetch’d is a notable example of this, as there was a period of time in which they had been overhunted (due to not only the taste of their meat but also the convenience of having your main course carry its own garnish around as a weapon) to the point of near-extinction in Kanto and Johto. Thanks to strict regulations that had been implemented fairly recently, the farfetch’d population is only now regaining its numbers. Other pokémon that enjoy government protection include wailmer and wailord (in Unova, Alola, and Kalos), lapras, carvanha and sharpedo, and absol (especially in the Hoenn region).

I suppose the shorter answer would be “if you would eat the animal, plant, or thing they resemble, then you may eat them.” But short answers are hardly fascinating, in my view.

Volbeat and Illumise

Volbeat
The Firefly Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 313
Entry: A small, firefly-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests and near the lakes of Hoenn. Famous for its light displays, the light a volbeat emits actually serves two functions, depending on the age of the specimen. Among older volbeat, these light displays are indeed for mating purposes, as commonly thought, but younger volbeat that have not yet reached the correct age for mating still produce light and gather its fellow volbeat. In their case, it’s simply to ward off predators, so if you see a swarm of young volbeat using Double Team above you, this is not, as the author thought on his first night in Hoenn, a “fantastic display of romance within the pokémon kingdom” but instead a clear indicator that the observing human is about to be attacked by hundreds of Quick Attacks and Tackles all at once.

Illumise
The Firefly Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 314
Entry: A larger, firefly-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests and near the lakes of Hoenn. The popular opinion that illumise are the “partners” to volbeat is actually a misconception (as the editor of this blog is very quick to tell the author while he writes this), and it is a misconception for two reasons. First, that would be sexist. Second, although illumise do indeed emit both light and a sweet fragrance to draw volbeat into their elaborate, luminescent nightly dances, those same illumise do not necessarily do it for mating purposes. Rather, some subspecies of illumise may mimic other subspecies’ light and fragrance patterns to lure males in and then eat them.

So people eat pokemon, I get it, but something bothers me. How do we decide what pokemon to eat? If you come across say a wild Miltank, how do you decide whether it would be better as a partner/team member or as a tasty cheeseburger?

Oh, the answer’s quite simple, anonymous. It’s the same way you would decide whether or not to eat a wild animal. I would presume that every time you come across a deer or a cow, you wouldn’t instantly attempt to slaughter it for its meat, and you wouldn’t cut down every tree you come across for its wood, either. In much the same way, humans look at pokémon and decide for themselves whether to catch it, eat it, or leave it alone for the most part.

Of course, most people eat domesticated pokémon anyway, rather than pokémon found in the wild—meaning you would eat farm-raised miltank or torchic instead of those you encounter in a field. After all, farm-produced pokémon meat (including those from grass-types, which I suppose would be more vegetable-like than meat-like) is typically raised specifically for consumption. Thus, it goes through an approval process to ensure that it’s safe to eat and obtained in a humane manner. Meat you slaughter yourself or obtain from sources that haven’t been officially sanctioned by your country’s agricultural department could be contaminated with any number of diseases or otherwise unfit for human consumption, not to mention you can’t simply slaughter a pokémon and call it humane.

In short, I suppose the answer is even simpler than previously stated: you don’t choose at all unless you’re involved with the pokémon food industry. I suppose you could if you’re a hunter, but although I am not one myself, I would assume that those who go out hunting for pokémon are doing so specifically to find and kill pokémon, rather than to catch them for their teams.

Meditite and Medicham

Meditite
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 307
Entry: In order to heighten its spiritual and physical strength, this monkey-like pokémon undergoes rigorous training in mountainous areas. This training involves extreme methods such as meditating for hours and consuming only one berry a day. It should be noted that this sort of exercise is extremely taxing on the body and should not be undertaken by any unprepared human trainers seeking to attain enlightenment alongside their meditite partners.

Are you speaking from experience, Bill? Because to be fair, there’s a difference between this and forgoing basic physical needs to write your senior thesis. —LH

What difference would that be? —Bill

Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308
Entry: The evolved form of meditite, by battle experience. Through years of hardcore meditation and extended periods of near starvation, this pokémon is able to develop both telekinetic and aura-viewing powers. It is said that the closer it gets to spiritual enlightenment by denying itself earthly pleasures—including food—the easier it is for a medicham to view auras in the form of brilliantly colored lights.

Oh, much like you what you were experiencing by the end of finals week. I stand corrected. —LH

At least I passed. —Bill

According to our proctors, yes. According to the ER physician, no. —LH