Ok hear me out… Service Ultra Beasts

These would be a bit difficult to have, considering the fact that Ultra Beasts aren’t supposed to exist in this world to begin with and are often captured to be sent back to their home dimensions to avoid disrupting the balance of our universe and therefore unraveling all existence.

But yes, a service poipole or kartana would be quite cute.

I’m sorry you’re getting another ultra beast question but this is just about speculation. Why do you think the ones we know about share the ability Beast Boost? Is it possibly something to do with them being out of their own world?

This is a fascinating and excellent question, actually! We know so little about the Ultra Beasts that there’s no one theory that’s more accepted in the scientific community than others, but I have my own. Namely, I think it has less to do with the affects our world has on them and more to do with their specific physiologies. It’s possible that they’re all related in some way—perhaps they’re even actually iterations of the same species, just from alternate dimension. Think of it like you and a you from an alternate timeline.

On that note, I find it quite interesting that they’re all the dominant species of their respective worlds, except for poipole (whose world we came to) and guzzlord (who appeared in an alternate version of our world). If the stories I’ve heard about them are true, anyway.

Poipole and Naganadel

Poipole
The Poison Pin Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 803
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. A native to a dimension populated by humans, poipole is the only Ultra Beast known to be popular enough to be used as a starter pokémon within its world, much like pikachu. It is also as capricious and mischievous as it is cute, and it’s known for attacking innocent researchers who approach it purely out of curiosity … also much like pikachu.

Bill … what did you do to pikachu? —LH

It was a pikachu, and literally nothing! —Bill

Somehow, I find that hard to believe… —LH

Naganadel
The Poison Pin Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dragon
Official Registration #: 804
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Also the evolved form of poipole, by battle experience, if the subject knows Dragon Pulse. This massive, syringe-like dragon is known for storing gallons of toxic, highly adhesive fluids in its bulbous torso and spraying it from its giant stinger as a self-defense mechanism. The author would make a joke about any of this, but frankly, he’s above that.

So I just found what I believe is an ultra beast. It’s small and purple and not like any Pokémon i know. It’s hurt but I’m afraid to take it to a Pokémon centre in case someone sees me with it. I know we know little about UBs, but do you have any basic Pokémon care tips? The injuries are minor cuts and bruises but I’m worried they’d get infected. Also,do you know ANYBODY trustworthy enough I can hand it to who would know how to look after it, or better, Send it back to its home?

Not to be curt, but if it’s injured, take it to a pokémon center. 

First and foremost, a pokémon nurse’s priority is on healing an injured pokémon. They won’t judge you or report you to any sort of government body or what-have-you for owning a pokémon they don’t recognize. If anything, their inability to recognize such a pokémon may present a bit of a challenge for them, but ultimately, if they don’t know what your pokémon is, they’ll treat it as best as they can anyway, based on their knowledge of your pokémon’s injury, type, and general physiological profile (i.e., mammalian, avian, or so forth). Furthermore, pokémon centers are hospitals. It’s highly unethical for anyone from any sort of authority to break in and take your pokémon away for this reason, and you’re generally protected by poachers by virtue of the fact that you’re in a highly public area with highly trained and extremely powerful nurse pokémon (as well as teams of trainers who use pokémon centers as meeting places and who don’t take well to thieves).

Second, I can’t offer care tips for legendary or mythical pokémon or the Ultra Beasts. It’s not that I don’t want to (although I’ve been very open about the fact that my policy concerning owning legendaries is “put that back where you found it or so help us all”); it’s more because these pokémon aren’t that well understood. In the cases of legendaries and mythicals, they’re so rare that there simply aren’t enough cases of human interaction with such pokémon in recorded history to know what their needs are. In other words, very, very few people have interacted with these pokémon, much less caught them, and those that caught them are generally extremely competent trainers (not that those who ask for pokémon care tips on this blog aren’t competent, of course). 

As for the Ultra Beasts, we also don’t know enough about them to understand what their specific needs are, but in their case, they’re simply too new and destructive to our world. Thus, all instances of Ultra Beasts have already been secured by the work of the International Police and the Aether Foundation, the latter of whom has only just started releasing their research on actual, captive specimens (as opposed to theoretical research based on brief sightings).

Third and related to the above, it’d be odd to jump to the conclusion that you’re dealing with an Ultra Beast, just because it’s not an easily recognizable pokémon. It’s possible (and, quite honestly, more likely) that you’re looking at a poison-type pokémon from a different region on Earth, perhaps one that isn’t yet logged in the National Dex program. “Small and purple” describes many poison-types, after all. (This, incidentally, is why I also can’t offer tips for general care. “Small, purple poison-type” covers quite a lot of ground, even if we didn’t consider any known legendaries or UBs, and how one would care for a venonat differs vastly from how one would care for a koffing.)

In short, if you’re worried about this pokémon’s minor injuries and general condition, don’t be afraid to take it to the pokémon center. The nurse there may even be able to help you positively identify what you’re dealing with, which in turn will make figuring out how to take care of it immensely easier.

Best of luck, anonymous!


{Note from the mun: Like the last ask, this one is also among the newer batch. It’s just that Bill’s been getting a lot of questions about how to care for a legendary or Ultra Beast lately, and it might be worth it to note that various asks and entries have already established that both classes of pokémon are so rare that it’s very, very unlikely that an ordinary person would encounter them. Bill likewise only knows about them via second-hand accounts, theories, and folklore for the most part. Just to clarify! Carry on!}

UB Burst: Blacephalon

Blacephalon
The Fireworks Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ghost
Official Registration #: 806
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. This clown-like Ultra Beast is known for slithering up to opponents and, once within extremely close range, detonates its own head in an explosion designed to stun a victim, if not do incredible damage to them. Although one would think its colorful and eccentric appearance would make it difficult for a blacephalon to engage in any manner of stealth, in truth, it more than makes up for it through its lankiness, flexibility, and general agility. These three things, in conjunction with its colorful and eccentric appearance, also apparently make it popular among certain crowds on certain social media websites for reasons that aren’t entirely lost on the author, though he would appreciate any moment in which he wouldn’t have to think about them.

UB Assembly: Stakataka

Stakataka
The Rampart Pokémon
Type: Rock/Steel
Official Registration #: 805
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Although scientists consider it to be the heaviest known rock-type, it’s actually a colonial organism consisting of dozens if not hundreds of individual brick-like creatures stacked one on top of the other. However, the specific configuration they create maximizes their defensive potential, allowing them to withstand the toughest of blows and still stand tall and strong. For this reason, the author is told, it is often paired with gumshoos … although the relevance of any of this to gumshoos is, frankly, lost on the author.

What if we don’t find Guzzlord poop because it eats it like everything else?

That’s certainly a possibility, but it begs the question of what happens to the materials that supposedly aren’t digestible by any living organism. After all, some common manmade materials can’t even be digested by swalot, and swalot have possibly the most potent digestive juices in existence.

…actually, with a long and durable enough cable, perhaps I could [REDACTED]

No, Bill, you are not going to be conducting any such experiment. Honestly, how many times do I have to tell you that if it’s a fetish on the internet, you’re not allowed to do it for science?! —LH

You let me wear costumes. —Bill

That’s not a precedent! —LH