Drilbur and Excadrill

Drilbur
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 529
Entry: A foot-tall mole-like pokémon native to the cave systems of Unova. An extremely skilled digger, drilbur can dig through even solid rock at speeds of up to thirty miles an hour. It can therefore give cars running aboveground a good race. This is a fact that has actually been published in the Unovan pokédex, which honestly says more about either Unovan cars or past-times than it does about drilbur.

Excadrill
The Subterrene Pokémon
Type: Ground/Steel
Official Registration #: 530
Entry: The evolved form of drilbur, by battle experience. Upon evolution, excadrill gains steel-tipped claws and a drill-tipped helmet, both of which enable it to burrow up to 300 feet into the ground and/or straight through iron plates. It creates elaborate tunnel systems for labours consisting of scores of drilbur and excadrill, but such systems have been known to inflict damage on human structures, specifically subway systems. Luckily—considering the fact that excadrill’s native Unova has only one tunnel system that loops beneath Nimbasa and Anville, neither of which are places where excadrill are known to live—the actual damage to human construction the average excadrill causes tends to be minimal at best.

Mienfoo and Mienshao

Mienfoo
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 619
Entry: In terms of power, this small, ermine-like pokémon is far outclassed by practically every fighting-type in existence. However, it makes up for its lack of power by its speed and skill, both of which enable it to execute complex, devastating strategies faster than the average machop can throw a punch. This is, in short, one of those extremely rare times when “what it lacks in strength it makes up for with skill” when applied to a diminutive, adorable, mascot-like creature is both true and something to be taken seriously.

Mienshao
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 620
Entry: The evolved form of mienfoo, by battle experience. While it retains many of the flowing, masterful techniques it knew as a mienfoo, mienshao also gains long, whip-like locks of fur on its arms, which it uses to whip opponents with quick, strong, devastating motions. Incidentally, contrary to what certain types of media and the Sinnohan administrator may lead you to believe, being whipped by soft fur is far less pleasant than it looks.

Pawniard and Bisharp

Pawniard
The Sharp Blade Pokémon
Type: Dark/Steel
Official Registration #: 624
Entry: This small, soldier-like pokémon is covered with knives. This means that pawniard’s body must be meticulously maintained via sharpening after every battle, which in turn means that pawniard attack most effectively in a group—so that no one pawniard’s blades will be worn down completely by the end of the match. Of course, this also means that hugging a pawniard is a terribly ill-advised idea, which the author had expected would be something that should go without saying until he actually looked up how many pawniard-related injuries were reported last year alone.

Bisharp
The Sword Blade Pokémon
Type: Dark/Steel
Official Registration #: 625
Entry: The evolved form of pawniard, by battle experience. This soldier-like pokémon is always seen in the company of a large number of pawniard. Bisharp apparently commands these pawniard, guiding them into attacking prey in one massive group until it can finish its opponents off with one final blow. Thanks to this behavior of using underlings to weaken an opponent enough for a final attack, bisharp may be comparable to certain types of humans, such as yakuza bosses, military generals, and any titular character in the magical girl genre.

Shelmet and Accelgor

Shelmet
The Snail Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 616
Entry: This snail-like pokémon is protected by a steel-hard shell. When threatened, it retreats into this shell and spits a sticky, poisonous acid onto the aforementioned threat. Both of these are fortunate adaptations, considering the fact that its main predator is also its own evolutionary partner. In short, shelmet has, over countless generations, slowly adapted its ability to survive the one process most pokémon undergo naturally. Because nature is a kind and forgiving mistress.

Accelgor
The Shell Out Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 617
Entry: The evolved form of shelmet, if the subject is traded with or drains a sufficient amount of energy into a karrablast. Without its heavy shell, this ninja-like pokémon gains the dexterity and speed to attack with relentless, acrobatic movements. This, of course, would give it a natural edge to its main predator, escavalier, the exact pokémon who stole its shell and used it as armor for its own body. However, the fact of the matter is that none of accelgor’s techniques are effective against escavalier’s bug/steel elements, and thanks to its missing shell, accelgor lacks protection against escavalier’s bold and relentless fighting style. Because, again, nature is a kind and forgiving mistress.

Karrablast and Escavalier

Karrablast
The Clamping Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 588
Entry: Since the dawn of Western pokémonology, researchers have been baffled by this beetle-like pokémon’s ability to evolve when in proximity with shelmet. It certainly is a baffling mystery, considering the facts that karrablast eat snails, the species gains a shell that resembles its evolutionary partner’s upon evolution, and the act of evolving by using other pokémon or their body parts as a medium has been well recorded since the discovery of the mantyke and slowpoke lines. Yes, this is indeed a mystery that no one will ever solve.

Escavalier
The Cavalry Pokémon
Type: Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 589
Entry: The evolved form of karrablast, if the subject is traded with or hit with a sufficient amount of energy from a shelmet. Upon evolution, it steals shelmet’s shell and uses it as armor. This new armor allows it to defend itself, which is a grave necessity due to this beetle-like pokémon’s tendency to fly around at high speeds and face opponents stronger than itself with an impulsive brand of bravery. Should all of this seem odd considering the fact that it strongly resembles a knight, one should only look towards historical records to know that knights were not as noble as fantasy depicts them as. In truth, there is only one confusing point to escavalier’s existence, and that is the fact that researchers acknowledge that its theft of shelmet’s extremely sturdy shell is a key part of its evolution, yet they are still baffled by how karrablast evolves.

Elgyem and Beheeyem

Elgyem
The Cerebral Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 605
Entry: According to conspiracy theorists, this small, humanoid pokémon arrived to Earth over fifty years ago, via a UFO that crash-landed in the desert. This, of course, is a rather silly claim, not only because this claim is entirely baseless but also because everyone knows that the only non-legendary pokémon of extraterrestrial origin is clefairy.

Beheeyem
The Cerebral Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 606
Entry: The evolved form of elgyem, by battle experience. Very little is known about this humanoid pokémon. It has been observed to communicate with other beheeyem by flashing colored lights from its three fingers, but the patterns it uses has never been decoded. Then again, given the fact that beheeyem also possess the capability of using its telepathy to alter the memories of those around it, perhaps we have succeeded in decoding the beheeyem language and just don’t remember it.

Bill, please stop taunting the conspiracy theorists when most of your fans fall into that exact category. —LH

They are? Well, that’s a relief. I’m pretty sure one of them found out about a certain … incident involving a clefairy, so it’s good to know it’s likely it’ll be passed off as just another delightful conspiracy. —Bill

What? —LH

What? —Bill

The Tynamo Line

Tynamo
The EleFish Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 602
Entry: By itself, this small, lamprey-like pokémon is very weak and incapable of doing much more than delivering mild shocks. However, groups of tynamo have been known to generate enough power to bring down a wailord. Luckily, they travel in giant, silently gliding schools through the dark, labyrinthine caves that every Unovan trainer is forced to travel through in order to get from one gym-bearing town to another.

Eelektrik
The EleFish Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 603
Entry: The evolved form of tynamo, by battle experience. Known for its insatiable appetite, this lamprey-like pokémon glides through the air to seek out prey, which it then wraps around and paralyzes with strong electric shocks. Luckily, soon after evolution, eelektrik begin hunting alone, typically far separated from its numerous former schoolmates in the dark, labyrinthine cave systems. Thus, the average trainer may only encounter one at a time. Out of nowhere. When they least expect it.

Eelektross
The EleFish Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 604
Entry: The evolved form of eelektrik, by exposure to thunder stone. This marine pokémon is known for latching onto prey with its sucker mouth, delivering a powerful electric shock to paralyze them, and dragging them into the ocean depths. However, as eelektrik are neither ocean pokémon naturally nor, typically, native to cave systems rich in thunder stone it is difficult for an eelektrik to evolve. Luckily, most cave systems in Unova have underground rivers that conveniently empty into the seas surrounding the region, which just happens to be a reliable and convenient source of thunder stone.

“people stopped doing this not because they were putting pokémon fecal matter into their clothes but instead because these droppings would be so hot they would inflict burns, if not set the user’s clothing on fire.” #justunovathings Everyone knows putting authentic Darumaka droppings in your Unovan Independence War reenactment getup is as patriotic as THROWING TEA IN CASTELIA HARBOR

This is true, anonymous. Nothing is quite as patriotic to a Unovan as setting oneself on fire and polluting.

Darumaka and Darmanitan

Darumaka
The Zen Charm Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 554
Entry: This Daruma doll-like pokémon maintains a minimum body temperature of 1100 degrees Fahrenheit. For this reason, even darumaka’s droppings are hot, which is why people in ancient times used to put fresh darumaka droppings in their clothing to keep themselves warm in winter months. Surprisingly (or, perhaps, unsurprisingly, depending on your viewpoint), people stopped doing this not because they were putting pokémon fecal matter into their clothes but instead because these droppings would be so hot they would inflict burns, if not set the user’s clothing on fire.

Darmanitan
The Blazing Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 555
Entry: The evolved form of darumaka, by battle experience. This orangutan-like pokémon is known for its ability to revert to a stone-like state when injured, but strangely enough, this trait is only present in a small percentage of darmanitan. The majority of the species will merely take damage until they faint in a single form, which, naturally, comes as quite a shock to many darmanitan trainers. And this, dear reader, is why it’s important to do proper research before you make any major decisions. Such as training darmanitan. Or posting on the internet.

Petilil and Lilligant

Petilil
The Bulb Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 548
Entry: The leaves on its head are powerfully bitter but highly nutritious. Eating just one of these leaves is known to refresh a weary traveler. It is also known to induce extreme amounts of guilt, as if you are one of these travelers, you have just held down an adorable, toddler-sized pokémon in order to pull off parts of its body to eat, you monster.

Lilligant
The Flowering Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 549
Entry: The evolved form of petilil, by exposure to sun stone. The fragrance of this beautiful flowering pokémon is said to be among the most relaxing scents among all of the grass-types in existence. However, lilligant are also notoriously difficult to care for, and even veteran trainers struggle to get theirs to bloom. And thus, the author would like to reiterate that gardening is a legitimate hobby that takes patience and skill, not the boring waste of time certain people have deemed it to be after said certain people killed their potted cactus.

Bebe just sent me a message. It reads, “That was ONE TIME.” —LH