The Tepig Line

Tepig
The Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 498
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. Noted for its adorable appearance and equally adorable proclivity for exhaling fireballs from its distinctive nose when excited, tepig are not only a popular pet in Unova but also a popular subject in children’s books set in the Unovan countryside. However, because of its proclivity for exhaling fireballs from its distinctive nose when excited, attempting to make live action films of the aforementioned children’s book has frequently been met with disaster.

Pignite
The Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 497
Entry: The evolved form of tepig, by battle experience. A hardy and aggressive pokémon, pignite is capable of launching devastating, full-body attacks. In order to fuel these attacks, pignite often consumes whatever is within reach, regardless of whether or not it is actually edible to most other pokémon. It should go without saying that it is a good idea to keep all hands, limbs, clothing, wallets, and valuable research equipment out of reach of this pokémon at all times.

Emboar
The Mega Fire Pig Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 500
Entry: The evolved form of pignite, by battle experience. A master of hand-to-hand combat, emboar possess the power to set their chins ablaze with a full beard of fire. This beard can then be used to set its fists on fire for devastating punches and palm strikes, consume emboar’s body for flaming Rollouts, or any of a number of other incredible physical attacks. Yet the thing emboar is most known for is the fact that it is in the third starting pokémon of the fire and fighting elements to be announced in a region, as when it comes to pokémon research and training, repetitive elemental combinations take precedence over the individual qualities and behaviors of an evolutionary family.

The Snivy Line

Snivy
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 495
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. Swift and intelligent pokémon, snivy are capable of executing incredible feats of agility in battle, regardless of whether or not their trainers order them to do so. That having been said, to answer some of the most common questions about this species, yes, researchers are aware of its species designation; yes, we are and have always been aware that snivy has limbs; and yes, it made sense at the time.

Servine
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 496
Entry: The evolved form of snivy, by battle experience. Despite having limbs, servine prefer to slither along the ground with such deftness and ease it is often described as “sliding.” It does this despite the fact that its ability to photosynthesize (and therefore fuel its basic bodily processes) can and will be inhibited if mud and dirt covers its scales. However, one explanation is that it preferred battle method is to sneak up on its opponent and use Vine Whip on them before they become aware of servine’s closeness, which is to say that servine’s locomotive preference is deemed worth it for the sake of fighting dirty.

Puns, Bill? Is that what this blog is reduced to now? —LH

Oh, come now, Lanette. You may think I’m stooping to a new low, but you know as well as I do that I was already there. —Bill

Serperior
The Regal Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 497
Entry: The evolved form of servine, by battle experience. Noted for their noble looks, serperior have the capability stopping their opponents in their tracks, simply with the toss of a head and a particularly withering glare. This, in addition to their sleek but elegant looks as well as their general attitude towards their trainers and fellow pokémon, have earned it the nickname the regal pokémon, which makes it the only member of this evolution line with a completely logical and fitting species name according to the general public. (Yes, we know.)

Ferroseed and Ferrothorn

Ferroseed
The Thorn Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 597
Entry: A seed-like pokémon native to Unovan caves. Using its sharp thorns, ferroseed anchors itself to the iron-rich walls of its subterranean habitat. However, when it senses danger, it fires its thorns in all directions, which enable it to roll away quickly. Given the fact that it possesses a thick iron hide and the fact that it dwells primarily in cold caves, far from the natural habitats of any Unovan fire-type, it may be difficult to grasp what might prey on the ferroseed, but in truth, the answer is the human. Not only are the soft innards of a ferroseed a delicacy (noted for its strong, cheese-and-onion taste, as well as their slight hallucinogenic properties), but also, only a human being would be masochistic enough to figure this out.

Ferrothorn
The Thorn Pod Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 598
Entry: The evolved form of ferroseed, by battle experience. A ferroseed’s hide thickens upon evolution, which causes it to lose its ability to move quickly across a cave floor but gain the ability to withstand harsher attacks. As such, it has become a highly sought-after pokémon to many trainers, as it can root itself in the middle of the battlefield and unleash a combination of Spikes, Leech Seed, and Toxic before suffering the consequences of one too many Flamethrowers. Of course, despite its advantages on the battlefield, there are many disadvantages to training a ferrothorn, namely the fact that not all battlefields are flat surfaces—which, incidentally, should be taken as a note of caution to anyone who thinks bringing an immobile, 240-pound grass-type to the Cerulean Gym is a fantastic idea.

Maractus

Maractus
The Cactus Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 556
Entry: A cactus-like pokémon native to the Unovan desert. Jovial pokémon by nature, maractus travel in groups, with each individual maractus making festive rattling noises with every shift of their hollow limbs. Occasionally, particularly on cool nights, they burst into song and engage in a raucous party, behavior that causes pokémon to flee at the very sight of a wandering maractus. Although most researchers believe that fellow desert pokémon flee from these creatures because maractus have a tendency to burst into activity without any warning, anyone who has actually heard a maractus sing will have a better understanding of why a group of them would drive anyone who can hear away.

Heatmor and Durant

Heatmor
The Anteater Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 631
Entry: An anteater pokémon that lives in caves. Using its narrow snout and its flame-spewing abilities, heatmor is able to reach into the burrows of its primary food source and kill off massive amounts of durant at one time using just one Flamethrower. Unfortunately, seeing as this move would kill entire durant nests before any of heatmor’s prey moved close enough to the opening of their burrows and seeing as heatmor can’t actually learn any moves it can use to excavate its meals, this narrow snout, combined with literal fire powers, may not be the wisest adaptation for heatmor to have.

Durant
The Iron Ant Pokémon
Type: Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 632
Entry: An ant-like pokémon that lives in caves. Using its durable pincers, durant carves twisting nests deep into rock walls. This, combined with its ability to reinforce its metal armor and its tendency to band together in massive waves, helps it to protect itself and its young from its only natural predator, heatmor. Unfortunately, heatmor have the ability to exhale streams of fire that can follow these narrow corridors right to the heart of durant colonies, which is to say that perhaps these were not the wisest survival adaptations for durant to have.

Panpour and Simipour

Panpour
The Spray Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 515
Entry: A monkey-like pokémon native to Unovan rivers and lakes. It uses the spongy tuft on its head to store water, which it uses to hydrate the plants and pokémon it comes across as it travels. Plants are said to thrive unusually well when watered with a panpour’s reserves, and given both this, the fact that this sponge is attached to panpour’s body, and this tuft’s ability to maintain its moisture even in dry heat, it is possibly best not to think too much about where this water is coming from.

Simipour
The Geyser Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 516
Entry: The evolved form of panpour, by exposure to water stone. A monkey-like pokémon with an affinity for clean water sources. Its tail has unique properties: not only is the tuft at the end capable of siphoning up water when simipour’s reserves run dry, but also, it has the capability of expelling water with enough force to shatter a concrete wall. For those of you who were expecting the inclusion of a joke about how a monkey’s backside is capable of shooting a geyser strong enough to destroy concrete, rest assured that the author is not the Sinnohan storage system administrator and therefore has a little more class than that.

Pansear and Simisear

Pansear
The High Temp Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 513
Entry: A monkey-like pokémon native to Unovan volcanoes. …Or it is according to the Unovan pokédex, which is fantastically interesting, seeing as Unova doesn’t even have volcanoes…

Simisear
The Ember Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 514
Entry: The evolved form of pansear, by exposure to fire stone. This excitable pokémon is possibly the easiest among the three Unovan monkeys to please, as it adores any kind of sweet and will adore anyone who supplies them with sugar. However, trainers should be cautioned against giving their simisear sugar, as sweets also fuels simisear’s fire and energetic personality, which in turn means a simisear on a sugar high is more liable to launch fireballs at anything within range of its long-distance attacks.

Pansage and Simisage

Pansage
The Grass Monkey Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 511
Entry: A monkey-like pokémon native to Unovan forests. As a creature of the grass element, the average pansage is capable of growing plant-like structures from its body. In its case, a pansage’s hair is actually made up of a certain type of herb known for soothing stress and energizing an imbiber. On the one hand, this leaf, when brewed with boiling water, makes a fantastic tea. On the other, you have to consume this leaf knowing that you are eating monkey hair … which, the author supposes, is probably the least worrisome thing to anyone who regularly imbibes soothing herbs, in all fairness.

Simisage
The Thorn Monkey Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 512
Entry: The evolved form of pansage, by exposure to leaf stone. Simisage is known for its wild temper, which drives it to thrash its thorn-covered tail at offending pokémon. Trainers should be warned that there are a variety of possible triggers for these tantrums, so proper precautions should be taken to keep these incidents at a bare minimum. However, it should also be noted that the leading cause of these tantrums seems to be objects, humans, or pokémon touching its tall but bitter-flavored hair. Which, to be fair, is fabulously styled, so in this author’s opinion, the reaction is perfectly understandable.

Golett and Golurk

Golett
The Automaton Pokémon
Type: Ground/Ghost
Official Registration #: 622
Entry: A short, robotic pokémon that mainly inhabits the ruins of Unova and Kalos. Born from clay, this automaton pokémon is said to be an ancient form of technology whose power source is still not yet well-understood by modern researchers. As a word of advice, it is extremely unwise to attempt to harness this energy source, either as a battery or for research purposes. It’s not so much because this pokémon naturally learns a variety of punching moves that can easily render an offending human hospitalized as it is because there is only one place on a golett a person may be able to plug in a cord, and to make a long and very awkward story short, the ancient peoples of Unova and Kalos had similarly horrifying senses of humor.

Golurk
The Automaton Pokémon
Type: Ground/Ghost
Official Registration #: 623
Entry: The evolved form of golett, by battle experience. Everything about golett had been specifically designed, including all of the details concerning its evolution. Thus, it was possible for the ancient people of Unova and Kalos to begin by raising and gaining the loyalty of their golett, only to have it grow into a bulkier, far more powerful golurk that was specially designed to serve as their protector. Golurk by itself is gifted with a wide variety of powers, including the ability to fly at mach speeds, despite its design and bulk. Yet should anyone be inclined to question how golurk is capable of that kind of flight, the author would like to take the time to point out the lack of forum threads concerning whether or not Gligarman’s abilities according to the comic series make sense. (Spoiler alert? They do not. Fight me, Glifan823.)

Minccino and Cinccino

Minccino
The Chinchilla Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 572
Entry: A small, rodent-like pokémon known for its soft fur and grooming habits. Because minccino fur is extremely soft and thick—with an average of sixty hairs per follicle—minccino are typically extremely meticulous about keeping clean. While part of this is indeed related to the way they groom themselves and each other, it also extends to their surroundings, as they are particularly keen on doing everything they can to keep their coats clean, including removing dirt from their habitats. For this reason, minccino are often thought among Unovan parenting communities to be popular pets for teenagers and young adults who did not embark on a trainer’s journey, as the minccino will supposedly pick up after their newly independent but questionably responsible offspring. (This, of course, is not true; minccino could really care less about their habitats outside of their respective cages. But it’s a nice sentiment nonetheless.)

Cinccino
The Scarf Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 573
Entry: The evolved form of minccino, by exposure to shiny stone. Like minccino, cinccino are famously known for their soft fur, which is additionally coated in a special oil to make it shiny and silky-smooth. This fur grows upon evolution, and consequently, cinccino fur supposedly repels dirt, static electricity, and even punches from well-drained fighting-type pokémon. The keyword there, of course, is supposedly. Do not pit your cinccino against a gauntlet of fighting-type pokémon for the sole purpose of testing the durability of its fur. This is a fantastic way to lose both your cinncino and your trainer’s license.