Dewpider and Araquanid

Dewpider
The Water Bubble Pokémon
Type: Water/Bug
Official Registration #: 751
Entry: A small, diving bell spider-like pokémon native to the tropical region of Alola. It lives primarily underwater and by large bodies of fresh water, using the air bubble on its head to survive. This, of course, means that quite literally nowhere on this planet is safe from bug-type pokémon, which in short means that the author is strongly considering adopting a dewpider or few for the educational benefit of a certain water-type gym leader who adores bug-types just as much as she adores trespassing.

Araquanid
The Water Bubble Pokémon
Type: Water/Bug
Official Registration #: 752
Entry: The evolved form of dewpider, by battle experience. Despite its fierce appearance, it actually cares deeply for pokémon and will often bring smaller ones into its bubble to protect them. However, it is more popularly known for drawing enemies into its bubble to drown them, a misconception born from erroneous observations of araquanid in the wild. Given araquanid’s fierce appearance and its reputation despite its actual behavior, the author is naturally also considering adopting a few for his property.

Mareanie and Toxapex

Mareanie
The Brutal Star Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 747
Entry: A starfish-like pokémon native to tropical seas. It actively hunts corsola across wide swaths of territory on the ocean floor. If a trainer were to ask some pokémon ethologists, once it locates corsola prey, it simply harasses them until the corsola sheds its horns, which it then consumes. However, let it be known that the author is not one of those pokémon ethologists, and he would like to clarify to all his younger readers that, no, a mareanie rips apart its prey and feasts on the tender, fleshy organs of the main body. The horns that you see are indeed shed, but they’re “shed” in the sense that mareanie rip them off and let them float to the surface of the ocean.

Toxapex
The Brutal Star Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 748
Entry: The evolved form of mareanie, by battle experience. Wild toxapex possess an extremely potent toxin that, while not lethal to humans, can induce a minimum of three days and three nights of excruciating pain. And even then, the entire ordeal leaves lingering effects on the human body. Fortunately, one would assume this means lingering pain or numbness, but in actuality, it just means one of the absolutely fantastic-looking scars that can possibly result from a pokémon encounter. The author may or may not know this from experience.

Wishiwashi

Wishiwashi
The Small Fry Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 746
Entry: This sardine-like pokémon comes in two forms. The first form is a small, singular fish that’s weak, easy to catch, and goes great with rice and tomatoes. The second form, however, is actually an entire school that swarms around a single wishiwashi to form a giant, extremely powerful fish-shaped entity that not only wields a Water Gun that’s just as potent as a Hydro Pump but also is more than willing to turn this Water Gun onto any unsuspecting human who attempts to catch and eat the weaker examples of their species.

The Tympole Line

Tympole
The Tadpole Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 535
Entry: As a note for future reference and therefore of more use to the author himself than his readers, when this tadpole-like pokémon vibrates its cheeks, it often emits a sound wave designed to warn other tympole of danger at a frequency imperceptible to humans. You, of course, already know this. What you may have forgotten by the time you consult this entry again is the fact that if you can hear a tympole’s vibrations, this is not a sign that your hearing has gotten inhumanly sharp but instead that the tympole feels that your presence is just enough of a threat to warrant summoning an army of seismitoad.

Palpitoad
The Vibration Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 536
Entry: The evolved form of tympole, by battle experience. There is an old wives’ tale in Unova that states that touching a palpitoad’s bumps will cause a human to break out in warts. This is resoundingly not true; however, some subspecies can secrete liquids from their bumps that irritates human skin. Of course, this is less important than the fact that palpitoad vibrate these bumps at such a high frequency that when said bumps come in contact with water or earth, they can generate massive waves or mild earthquakes, respectively, but to be fair, having poison shoot out from these vibrating bumps shortly before contact with water or the ground would just be adding insult to injury—quite literally, even.

Seismitoad
The Vibration Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 537
Entry: The evolved form of palpitoad, by battle experience. This large, frog-like pokémon is very much the culmination of its previous evolutionary stages. It possesses bumps that can vibrate, these vibrations can trigger waves or earthquakes, and, most importantly, it shoots poison from glands within these bumps to paralyze prey. It’s just that many of these abilities are much stronger than they were in seismitoad’s previous stages, and it’s very willing to use all of them in tandem with six other seismitoad to protect the tympole and palpitoad one happens to be studying.

Bruxish

Bruxish
The Gnash Teeth Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 779
Entry: A large, filefish-like pokémon native to tropical reefs. This unique pokémon possesses not only formidable jaws but also potent psychic abilities. It is also, due to its habit of hiding half-buried in the ocean floor and its inherent viciousness, not an easy pokémon to find or overwhelm. It’s barely visible until one gets close, and by then, these victims are unfortunately within range of bruxish’s telekinesis. What follows afterwards is swift: the bruxish smashes its prey into the rocks via telekinesis, further stuns them by grinding its teeth, and proceeds to crush and eviscerate them via their strong jaws. However, if one can get past its swift hunting tactics—say, by distracting them with magikarp used as bait—then they’ll be delighted to know that bruxish are rather easy to catch, filet, and fry and, in fact, are Alolan delicacies for this exact reason.

Feebas and Milotic

Feebas
The Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 349
Entry: Because of its rather plain appearance, many trainers and researchers overlook this pokémon in favor of the far more wondrous-looking creatures that cohabit its native freshwater streams. It’s a shame, really, as all feebas have the potential to be fascinating subjects. For example, it’s fascinating that feebas can eat quite literally anything in its path. It’s fascinating that they’re so resilient and tenacious that they can thrive in even the most polluted environments. It’s fascinating that feebas are not rare at all but rather congregate only in the warmest parts of a river, often packing themselves tightly into a square foot of water just to remain in that spot. It’s fascinating that despite the apparent elusiveness of this pokémon, they are also apparently extremely easy to catch, as they will latch onto baited hooks over and over again, sometimes even immediately after being thrown back into a river by the exact same trainer. Or, in short, it’s fascinating that feebas are absolutely, fantastically, and uncannily human-like.

Milotic
The Tender Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 350
Entry: The evolved form of feebas, via trading if the subject has been given a prism scale. Said to be the most beautiful pokémon in existence (and certainly the most soothing to look at), milotic has been, for countless generations, a sort of muse to humankind—an inspiration to countless works of art, music, literature, and so forth. Because of the fact that it evolves from such a plain-looking pokémon, it is also said to be a bit of a metaphor, specifically for the idea that inner beauty is far more important than outer. However, considering the fact that both feebas and milotic are judged based on their looks and the fact that some milotic are extraordinarily vain pokémon liable to turn a Hydro Pump on any trainer who fails to polish their iridescent scales in just the right way, the author is inclined to believe that whoever insists milotic is a metaphor has very likely missed a rather important point here.

Tapu KoKo entry please!

Why stop at just Tapu Koko?

Tapu Koko
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Electric/Fairy
Official Registration #: 785
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Melemele Island. Supposedly the bravest of the four Alolan guardians, Tapu Koko is known for observing islanders and bestowing blessings upon worthy trainers. These trainers are then encouraged to undertake the island challenge, a type of journey specific to Alola, geared towards the training and selection of each element’s next kahuna. While Tapu Koko tends to be the most active tapu in selecting such individuals, it is also known for being the most capricious when it comes to deciding which among them actually becomes a kahuna. For this reason, trainers on Alola may start out on a journey to become strong enough to represent their island and elemental specialties, but they could very well find their lives veering off into an entirely different direction thanks to one of Tapu Koko’s sudden change of heart. Not that the author is complaining about such a process, of course. We did get Molayne out of such an arrangement. As well as a wealth of fantasy YA novels that seem to keep the editor happy.

Once again, Bill, I don’t judge you for your literary tastes. —LH

Tapu Lele
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 786
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Akala Island. It is said that this legendary pokémon scatters glittering scales as it moves and that these scales have the ability to restore one’s health upon physical contact. The latter is highly useful because as with all adorable, pink pokémon described on this blog, Tapu Lele is also infamous for being fantastically cruel and sadistic, and it’s both telepathic and capable of warping the fabric of space to create a strange and highly dangerous pocket dimension around its immediate area. In other words, you will very likely need these scales as Tapu Lele uses its psychic abilities to thoroughly destroy you.

Tapu Bulu
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fairy
Official Registration #: 787
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Ula’ula Island. Supposedly, this pokémon is extraordinarily lazy. Rather than attack an opponent head-on, it simply wills the vegetation around it to grow and ensnare the challenger before it delivers a devastating, close-range blow itself. Honestly, though, the author is intrigued by the fact that some people of Alola consider this to be evidence of Tapu Bulu’s laziness. If anything, it’s a brilliant strategy, and given how much effort the author has put into trying to will plants to do his bidding, he can safely say Tapu Bulu’s battle strategy is really much harder than it looks.

Not a good harvest, Bill? —LH

Oh, the garden was perfectly fine this year. It’s a certain half-plant, half-toad starter with a penchant for eating my crops after I explicitly tell him not to that’s the problem. —Bill

Tapu Fini
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 788
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Poni Island. This mysterious island guardian is supposedly the most laid-back of the four tapu. Unlike the others, who either actively seek out humans to observe (Tapu Koko) or toy with (Tapu Lele) or who actively avoid human contact altogether (Tapu Bulu), Tapu Fini prefers allowing humanity to do whatever it likes and will often only reveal itself to the truly worthy as a result. This may seem like Tapu Fini is putting in extra effort to avoid being detected, but in actuality, given the fact that her shrine is located in the highly unrelenting environment that is Poni Island, the fact that it surrounds itself with a dense fog full of danger, and the fact that the aforementioned shrine is called Ruins of Hope for a reason, it may be safe to say that Tapu Fini allows the environment to do much of the work when it comes to protecting her—much more than Tapu Bulu does, anyway.

Wimpod and Golisopod

Wimpod
The Turn Tail Pokémon
Type: Bug/Water
Official Registration #: 767
Entry: An isopod pokémon native to tropical beaches. Notorious for its cowardly nature, wimpod are most often seen scurrying along beaches … desperately trying to get away from anything that moves. The best method to catch them is the obvious: barreling straight for them atop a five-foot-tall, 195-pound tauros charging at top speed across unstable shorelines.

Golisopod
The Hard Scale Pokémon
Type: Bug/Water
Official Registration #: 768
Entry: The evolved form of wimpod, by battle experience. Upon evolution, wimpod don’t simply gain height and mass; they also gain a hard, armor-like shell that protects them from physical blows, as well as a set of six sharp claws. These gifts in combination give golisopod a highly intimidating appearance, and as such, most wild pokémon know not to approach it. However, golisopod will fiercely battle any pokémon who’s brave enough to face it anyway … until, of course, golisopod’s special ability—and the last remaining vestiges of its personality as a wimpod—activates, forcing it to flee the battle in terror after sustaining a certain amount of damage.

Pyukumuku

Pyukumuku
The Sea Cucumber Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 771
Entry: This hardy, sea cucumber pokémon lives in warm, shallow waters. It’s a stubborn pokémon, and it’s known for refusing to move once it finds a spot it likes, even if the food sources around it are depleted. Occasionally, it washes up on shores, where it remains there, basking in the sun and refusing to move even as its body begins to dehydrate. For this reason, out of pity, the native Alolans formed a cultural past-time out of hunting for pyukumuku on their sandy beaches and chucking them out to sea. Some islanders even make a game of it, wherein many Alolans gather to see who can chuck pyukumuku the furthest. This may mark the one and only time a human being can unceremoniously use a pokémon as a substitute sports ball and not be stabbed in the hand for their efforts.

The Popplio Line

Popplio
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 728
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Alola. Using its own bodily fluids, popplio blows bubbles from its nose. These bubbles are highly elastic and resistant to damage, which means they’re ideal for smashing into opponents or using as springboards for acrobatic stunts. A word of advice from the author, however: it’s best not to think too hard about which bodily fluids make up these bubbles.

Brionne
The Pop Star Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 729
Entry: The evolved form of popplio, by battle experience. This sweet and innocent-looking pinniped pokémon is known for its elaborate and adorable battle strategy, consisting of cheerful movements and a dazzling shower of bubbles that it launches towards its opponents as if it’s dancing to a upbeat pop song. However, a few years from now, after spending years dancing and singing for the human public, brionne will be known for its extreme lifestyle, triggered by half a lifetime of media overexposure in which tabloids will microanalyze its life for even the slightest scandal to latch onto. Jaded by such treatment by the humans who once adored it, brionne will spiral into a dark abyss fueled by overindulgence and far too many rare candies, after which brionne will be a bitter and cynical shell of its former self, an X-rated version of the innocent child star it once was. There will be no return from this. Only edgy and mediocre PG-15+ content and perhaps a half-hearted return to or reboot of the thing that made it famous in its early teens.

Bill … are you okay? —LH

Perfectly fine, Lanette. Why do you ask? —Bill

Primarina
The Soloist Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 730
Entry: The evolved form of brionne, by battle experience. Primarina prides itself on its singing voice, largely because its hydrokinetic abilities are extremely reliant on it. As a result, song is equally important to primarina. Each primarina undergoes a strict routine geared towards preserving its voice, and it rehearses songs for hours each day when not in battle. In addition, each song is unique to every primarina family, as primarina pass their songs from generation to generation. For this reason, it’s perfectly understandable that some of these songs date back for thousands of years, perhaps even to the dawn of music itself. Less understandable, however, is how certain trainers (namely ones who have befriended certain students of the author’s) had managed to raise a primarina that would sing Tom Jones’s “What’s New, Pussycat” in practically every battle, except for those rare ones in which these specific primarina sing “It’s Not Unusual” instead.