The Marill Line

Azurill
The Polka Dot Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 298
Entry: This small, mouse-like pokémon is actually best known for its ability to bounce about on its rubbery, nutrient-filled tail. However, it’s actually considered to be scientifically interesting because the phenomenon in which some female azurill evolve into male marill. There are a few theories as to why this is, including the idea that azurill’s gender shifts in response to environmental changes in combination with the boost in energy caused by evolution. Of course, a more practical theory is that male and female azurill are nearly indistinguishable from one another and that many male azurill are mistakenly classified as female due to inadequate gendering methods for the species. A study could be launched to see if the latter is the case—and, if it is, to rectify the situation—but frankly put, it’s either correcting a system of classification the azurill themselves have no concept of or finding a cure to azurill tail cancer.

Marill
The Aqua Mouse Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 183
Entry: The evolved form of azurill, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. Marill possess a water-repellant tail and coat of fur, which in conjunction with each other, make it impossible for marill to drown. In the wild, this allows marill to forage for food even in the swiftest of currents without having to worry about being dragged under, but in captivity, some trainers see it as an opportunity. Tamed marill are frequently used by novice trainers to ferry themselves across the water using Surf, Whirlpool, Waterfall, or all three moves in combination. However, it’s worth it to note that the author has just specified novice trainers, as experienced trainers have quickly learned that a foot-tall mouse with aqua-repellant fur may be able to keep themselves from drowning, but keeping a five-foot-tall, 100+-pound human from doing the same is an entirely different story.

Azumarill
The Aqua Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 184
Entry: The evolved form of marill, by battle experience. This rabbit-like pokémon is known for its long ears and bubble pattern. The bubble pattern gives it camouflage in the water, and its long ears are excellent sensors that allow it to detect even the most minute prey. Using both in combination allow it to glide through the water undetected until it comes across and pounces on its next meal. One may wonder why azumarill, a pokémon that strongly resembles an exclusively herbivorous animal, has the carnivorous tendency of hunting for and pouncing on food, to which the author responds with, “Azumarill are native to Johto. Have you ever seen the aquatic plants of Johto? I thought not. They’re vicious, chief. They will eat your arm right off if you’re not careful around them.”

The Clamperl Line

Clamperl
The Bivalve Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 366
Entry: This oyster-like pokémon is protected by a rock-hard shell throughout most of its life. It keeps this shell clamped shut at all times, protecting itself from virtually every threat. Not even the most persistent corphish can crack its shell and get at the tender meat inside. The only time clamperl’s shell opens is when it’s close to evolution, when it grows too big to close its shell properly. Before then—and right up until evolution—it expends a great deal of energy crafting its signature pearl. It creates only one of these in its lifetime, spending every waking moment shaping this pearl to perfection within the safety of its shell. This pearl is clamperl’s first and only treasure, an object worth so much to each individual clamperl that it may bring the pokémon to tears just by looking at it. So naturally, the second clamperl opens its shell, the pearl is perfectly safe and sound and carried with that clamperl through evolution. (Just kidding. It’s instantly lifted by a grumpig using telekinesis from the shoreline to be given to a newborn spoink.)

Huntail
The Deep Sea Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 367
Entry: The evolved form of clamperl, via trading if the subject has been given a deep sea tooth. Using its tail—which is shaped like a small fish—huntail glides through the murky depths of the sea and attracts fish and smaller water pokémon. Once its prey gets close, huntail whirls around, unhinges its jaw, and swallows its prey whole. The act of unhinging its jaw opens its mouth wide, almost to unnatural degrees, and it can be quite alarming to watch. However, despite this ability and huntail’s already alarming appearance, huntail is not the most horrifying deep-sea creature in existence. That particular note of recognition goes to…

Gorebyss
The South Sea Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 368
Entry: The evolved form of clamperl, via trading if the subject has been given a deep sea scale. This beautiful pokémon glides elegantly through the depths of warm oceans. Its brilliant, pink or golden scales shimmer as it moves—especially during the spring, when its coloration turns even more vivid. This change in color is likely because spring is typically the beginning of the mating season for most other water-types, a time when they are largely distracted and unable to notice a passing gorebyss until it stabs its thin, dagger-like mouth into their potential mates’ bodies and drains them of all their bodily fluids.

Hello Bill, can you please do an entry on Finneon and Lumineon? They’re my favorite forgotten Pokemon, and I love them even though most people don’t even know that they exist.

Well, I certainly can’t turn down a request like this, especially when I agree it’s unfortunate that finneon and lumineon seem to be overshadowed in the fish pokémon enthusiast communities by the likes of goldeen, feebas, and magikarp.

….

And yes, there are, in fact, fish pokémon enthusiast communities.

Finneon
The Wing Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 456
Entry: A small, neon tetra-like pokémon first discovered in the waters of Sinnoh. The pink designs along the sides of its body and within its fins contain specialized cells that can store sunlight and release it at certain intervals (usually whenever the subject is attempting to attract prey or a mate). Additionally, as it swims, finneon fan out its double tail fins, and this, combined with the beauty of the light it emits, have earned it the nickname “beautifly of the sea.” This, of course, means finneon is the second fish-like pokémon whose name calls to mind another creature, but unlike in lanturn’s case, the pokémon involved in the comparison couldn’t care less, largely because finneon’s attempts at flight generally leave actual beautifly rather unimpressed.

Lumineon
The Neon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 457
Entry: The evolved form of finneon, by battle experience. Using its pectoral fins, this butterflyfish-like pokémon crawls across the ocean floor to avoid predators. As it crawls, it lights up patterns on its large, billowing tail fins to attract prey. In this manner, it competes with lanturn, who uses similar mechanisms to hunt, dwells in the same general habitat, and is also in a pokémon family frequently compared to a completely different creature. However, given the fact that lanturn can emit powerful electrical attacks and the fact that lumineon boasts no resistance to said electrical attacks whatsoever, lanturn are generally about as impressed with lumineon as beautifly are with finneon. Which is to say, not at all, regardless of how much the poor things try.

Chinchou and Lanturn

Chinchou
The Angler Pokémon
Type: Water/Electric
Official Registration #: 170
Entry: A small, anglerfish-like pokémon that lives in the depths of the ocean. Due to its habitat in the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean, chinchou rely on the light they emit from their dual antennae to attract prey and to communicate with other chinchou. They illuminate these antennae by channeling electrical energy through their wire-like stalks, straight to their bulbs. Given the fact that these pokémon are exclusively oceanic and given salt water’s tendency to conduct electricity, one would think that a pokémon generating enough electricity to illuminate two bulbs for extended periods of time would be extremely dangerous, but in actuality, this process only leaves a chinchou with a slight tingling sensation as a result. On the other hand, it electrocutes everything (except other chinchou) within a ten-foot radius of the chinchou in question, but at least the chinchou itself is fine.

Lanturn
The Light Pokémon
Type: Water/Electric
Official Registration #: 171
Entry: The evolved form of chinchou, by battle experience. Known for the brilliant light it emits from its antennae, lanturn is referred to colloquially as “the sea-star”—a reputation that is largely uncontested by the starmie it shares its habitat with, largely because starmie know exactly how weak to Discharges they are. Contrary to popular belief, lanturn do not produce their light—which is so bright that it can illuminate the surface even if the lanturn is three miles deep—from electrical currents. Instead, lanturn produce their light through chemical reactions between the bodily fluids and symbiotic bacteria contained within its antenna bulbs. This, of course, conserves electrical energy, which is of great benefit to lanturn in the event that a starmie would like to object to lanturn’s colloquial name.

Relicanth

Relicanth
The Longevity Pokémon
Type: Water/Rock
Official Registration #: 369
Entry: This rare, coelacanth-like pokémon is considered a living fossil. In the 100 million years that it has existed in the deep seas of Hoenn, it has not changed in the slightest. While civilizations, species, and even its own environment itself have changed with the passing of eons, relicanth continued onward through time, surviving just as its ancestors had in the Cretaceous Period. Thus, remember, readers. No matter how harsh the world is around you, do as the relicanth does and remember that it’s relicanth, not relican’tth.

Surskit and Masquerain

Surskit
The Pond Skater Pokémon
Type: Bug/Water
Official Registration #: 283
Entry: The tips of this water strider-like pokémon’s feet are coated with an oil that assists in keeping surskit afloat. This trait works in combination with its long legs, which distributes the weight of its relatively light body in just the precise way to make it next to impossible for surskit to sink on its own. Consequently, no matter what it does—from hunting to sleeping to jetting along at full speed—so long as all four feet are spread out and in contact with just the surface of the water, surskit will be able to stay afloat. This, of course, makes surskit’s mating rituals some of the most scientifically interesting in Hoenn, seeing as surskit do this while floating as well.

Masquerain
The Eyeball Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 284
Entry: The evolved form of surskit, by battle experience. The second thing lanternfly-like pokémon is known for is its ability to hover and fly in any direction, thanks to its four wings. This enables masquerain to escape danger in any direction at great speeds. Of course, it hardly needs that skill, thanks to the first thing it’s known for: the giant eyespots on its specialized antennae, which give it the appearance of a menacing face. In dark or foggy conditions, this face can startle to death predators, prey, and most half-asleep researchers who came to study the mating rituals of their preevolved forms. (For science, of course.)

Johto Legendaries, Part I

Raikou
The Thunder Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 243
Entry: According to Johtonian legend, an electric-type that had died in the burning of the Brass Tower was resurrected as the avatar of thunder and a representation of the lightning that had started the fire. It is said that this pokémon races across the land as part of its duty to watch over humanity for the day we will be worthy enough to be in the presence of Ho-oh again. In the meantime, as it races across the land, it releases devastating thunderbolts from the storm clouds on its back. This is actually a random occurrence tied to Johto’s naturally stormy weather, but local Johtonians like to think of it as its way of striking down the unworthy and purging the lands of sinners in the lightning-sparked flames of justice … which, honestly, is the least morbid part of our belief system.

Entei
The Volcano Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 244
Entry: According to Johtonian legend, a fire-type that had died in the burning of the Brass Tower was resurrected as the avatar of volcanoes and a representation of the flames that had engulfed the tower. It is said that this pokémon races across the land as part of its duty to watch over humanity for the day we will be worthy enough to be in the presence of Ho-oh again. It is also said that, as the avatar of volcanoes, every time it roars, a volcano erupts somewhere in the world. Luckily, this is not exactly true, as if it had been, then the world would have been engulfed in a volcanic apocalypse every time a certain friend of the Ecruteak gym leader’s made contact with the wrong legendary beast in his quest to become the chosen one of Suicune.

Suicune
The Aurora Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 245
Entry: According to Johtonian legend, a water-type that had died in the burning of the Brass Tower was resurrected as the avatar of the north winds and a representation of the rain that had put out the fire. It is said that this pokémon races across the land as part of its duty to watch over humanity for the day we will be worthy enough to be in the presence of Ho-oh again. It is also said that Suicune has the ability to control water, purify heavily polluted lakes and rivers, and create healing springs. Those who are not familiar with Johtonian legend may think this means Suicune is the least dangerous of the three beasts. Those who are familiar with Johtonian legend, however, realize exactly how much water is in the interior of the region and that “drown the unworthy” is just as favored a punishment among the legendaries as “burn them alive.”

Wooper and Quagsire

Wooper
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 194
Entry: This amphibious pokémon typically lives in the cold, freshwater ponds and rivers of Johto. However, at night and when the weather grows cooler, it leaves these sources to search for food on land. When not in water, wooper coats itself with a thin, poisonous film of slime, which functions as both a means of keeping its body moist and a self-defense mechanism. Even the slightest touch can send shooting pains throughout a human’s body, and prolonged or excessive exposure can lead to paralysis and nerve damage. Unfortunately for trainers and the variety of researcher who can gain the love and friendship of a pokémon almost instantly, wooper is also infamous for its high level of affection and its tendency to leap at a human being and lovingly rub its face into its target’s.

Quagsire
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 195
Entry: The evolved form of wooper, by battle experience. This carefree pokémon often floats along the surface of shallow, freshwater swamps, lakes, and rivers with its mouth open, and in this manner, it conserves energy and survives off of only whatever swims into its mouth. Because it expends so little energy in navigating its environment, it has a tendency to bump into obstacles and let them repel it back towards the center of its home. This includes boat hulls, which often resulted in injury for the quagsire as it came in contact with the boat’s propeller. Consequently, campaigns were launched throughout the 80s and 90s to save the quagsire, which in turn meant an extreme amount of human effort had been expended for the sake of both awareness of the quagsire’s plight, as well as the preservation of both the quagsire and its habitat. As of late, such campaigns are much quieter than they had been decades ago, partly because it was determined that the quagsire’s carefree and oblivious nature often got itself injured regardless of the presence of boat propellers in its waters and partly because it was also determined that just about the only activity quagsire spent an extraordinary amount of energy on was mating—which it did far more than any other pokémon in existence. (Putting it another way, the lakes of southern Johto aren’t murky because of mud or pollution…)

Seel and Dewgong

Seel
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 86
Entry: A three-foot-tall seal-like pokémon native to colder waters. As with all adorable pokémon, seel is a dangerous predator, capable of hunting down prey in the arctic seas by ramming into them with its sturdy horn and then ripping into them with its fangs. This, of course, isn’t the part that shocks people the most about it. Rather, what shocks people the most is the fact that, contrary to its pokédex classification, it’s light blue, not white.

Dewgong
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water/Ice
Official Registration #: 87
Entry: The evolved form of seel, by battle experience. This pokémon has the tendency to find icebergs, drag its body onto it, and curl up for a nap. In ancient times, mariners would stumble across lounging dewgong and mistake them for mermaids. This either says a lot about dewgong’s beauty or a lot about the mariners’ understanding of what women look like—the author has never been quite sure which.

Goldeen and Seaking

Goldeen
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 118
Entry: A large, goldfish-like pokémon that thrives in clean rivers. Goldeen’s fins billow elegantly as it swims, and its scales flash with a brilliant silver and gold shine, which is why it has become so appealing to humans. For centuries, goldeen were seen as symbols of high class and nobility, and breeders strove to rear the perfect goldeen. Consequently, humans tend to think that goldeen are easy to raise … which is why this rather ornery fish’s ability to jam its horn at alarmingly high speed into any passerby for no apparent reason frequently takes new goldeen trainers and small children by surprise.

Seaking
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 119
Entry: The evolved form of goldeen, by battle experience. Although massive as an adult and just as elegant as its preevolved form, seaking is neither a pokémon that lives in the sea nor royalty. Researchers are not quite sure how it got the title, but it’s apparently officially recognized according to some government bodies. United Nations meetings tend to be rather odd as a result.

I almost want to hear the explanation behind this entry, but I’m afraid of what you would actually say. —LH