Tag: Water

Krabby and Kingler

Krabby
The River Crab Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 98
Entry: A small, crab-like pokémon that thrives in clean rivers and on sandy, unpolluted seashores. Krabby is known for two things. First, that it is an aggressive, territorial pokémon that uses its large claws for self-defense, but these claws are also fairly easy to damage and remove at the socket. This aids humans in the second thing krabby is known for, which is sweet and juicy leg meat that goes great in salads, gumbo, or even by itself with just a bit of lemon or butter.

Kingler
The Pincer Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 99
Entry: The evolved form of krabby, by battle experience. As one can gather from its species designation, this giant, crab-like pokémon is best known for its massive pincers, which are capable of delivering fantastically devastating blows. However, as the pincer makes up more than a third of kingler’s body weight, it’s actually rather unwieldy to move, which means it’s fairly easy to flip kingler over and attack its weak point for massive damage.

Bill. It is 2016, not 2006. Honestly. —LH

The Horsea Line

Horsea
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 116
Entry: A small seahorse pokémon first discovered in the seas of Kanto. This pokémon hunts by shooting jets of ink at flying insects. Its aim is actually impeccable, and it can strike even the smallest, fastest flying targets. However, its sight leaves something to be desired, as the transition between seawater and open air can blur its vision and make it difficult for horsea to distinguish between shapes. Consequently, at times, it can struggle to tell the difference between flying prey and the face of a completely innocent researcher standing on a nearby pier.

Seadra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 117
Entry: The evolved form of horsea, by battle experience. Not too long ago, the discovery of a gene within seadra’s genetic code caused a minor uproar within the scientific community. This was because that single gene made seadra’s code differ ever so slightly from horsea, which in turn led to the discovery of the link between seadra and kingdra, a pokémon that had up until that point only been found in the wild. Naturally, this all had become a hot topic, not because scientists had been searching for years to find the aforementioned link but instead because the media did a fantastic job of ignoring the latter half of this concept, which in turn made all of us, the scientists of Johto, seem like complete idiots who didn’t know what evolution was. Thank you, news outlets.

Kingdra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water/Dragon
Official Registration #: 230
Entry: The evolved form of seadra, via trading if the subject has had a dragon scale applied to it. Rare and highly destructive, these seahorse pokémon can use their incredibly potent mastery over the water to generate fantastically strong whirlpools simply by yawning. They are also known to tolerate extreme levels of darkness and water pressure, as they make their homes in the depths of the ocean where no other pokémon can survive. In other words, these pokémon are terrifying, doubly so when their abilities are turned against a human on the orders of the single creature whose rage is far more frightening than even the mightiest kingdra: Clair, the absolutely flawless and majestic dragon master. (Please don’t hurt me.)

The Spheal Line

Spheal
The Clap Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 363
Entry: Despite being a large, seal-like pokémon, spheal are not particularly good swimmers. Instead, they travel from place to place by either rolling their ball-like bodies or by using their rubbery flesh to bounce from spot to spot. Due to their adorable appearance and largely docile nature, tamed spheal can sometimes be mistaken for toys. It is possible to distinguish spheal from rubber balls by bouncing them and determining which one claps; spheal will clap in response to either pleasure or excitement, including excitement of the negative sort.

Edit: As a disclaimer, the author has been informed by his editor that he is required to say that the above is a terrible suggestion and that one must not attempt to bounce spheal, lest they wish to be “Ice Balled in the face” for their efforts.

Sealeo
The Ball Roll Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 364
Entry: The evolved form of spheal, by battle experience. Contrary to popular belief, sealeo are large, seal-like pokémon famous for balancing objects—including spheal—on their highly sensitive noses in order to thoroughly investigate their properties. Celio, whose name is a homophone to the pokémon species, is the administrator of the Sevii Islands storage system and regrets to inform all readers that he cannot, in fact, balance anything on his nose at all, short of his glasses.

Walrein
The Ice Break Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 365
Entry: The evolved form of sealeo, by battle experience. This large, walrus-like pokémon is rarely found on the beaches of colder regions. It is known for both its massive tusks, which are capable of shattering thick sheets of ice, and its blubber, which is capable of protecting itself from both subzero temperatures and physical blows … which is odd to say, as walrein’s primary weaknesses are actually fighting-types, rock-type techniques, beartic claws, and human-made harpoons, all of which the author is told are rather physical in nature.

Binacle and Barbaracle

Binacle
The Two-Handed Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 688
Entry: A barnacle-like pokémon native to the warm seas of Hoenn and Kalos. Unlike many other clustered pokémon, the two binacle occupying each rock are two distinct entities that require the utmost care in maintaining a working relationship in order to function. Should one disagree, it will leave its rock to find a different habitat, which halves the power of the binacle cluster. Incidentally, this exact fact accounts for more than 67% of the plots of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants’s currently 201-episode run, which the author knows because he has counted in a desperate attempt to maintain his own sanity during the Binaclebob marathons he has had to sit through for one reason or another.

Barbaracle
The Collective Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 689
Entry: The evolved form of binacle, by battle experience. Upon evolution, the two binacle in the collective multiply into seven, increasing their power dramatically. Consequently, barbaracle fight with the power of seven binacle … which, incidentally, was the plot of an even better 90s show than Binaclebob Trapezoidpants.

Clauncher and Clawitzer

Clauncher
The Water Gun Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 692
Entry: A shrimp-like pokémon native to the warm Kalosean seas. This pokémon possesses bladders of compressed gas, which—in conjunction with its water glands—allows it to shoot high-pressured jets of water capable of shattering boulders at close range. It should be noted that this is the signature ability of a pokémon that only weighs eighteen pounds on average, so trainers should note that standing directly behind their clauncher as it fires might be a somewhat ill-advised idea.

Clawitzer
The Howitzer Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 693
Entry: The evolved form of clauncher, by battle experience. Upon evolution, clawitzer gains its signature giant claw, which is capable of firing cannonballs of water strong enough to pierce tanker hulls. This same technique is also used to propel it across ocean currents, which means any time it fires cannonballs on the battlefield is a delightful and hilarious treat for all spectators (and possibly a leading cause of injury for new clawitzer trainers).

Staryu and Starmie

Staryu
The Star Shape Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 120
Entry: A starfish pokémon native to warm seas. Known for being a resilient pokémon, staryu are capable of regenerating any part of its body that it loses in battle, so long as its jewel-like core remains intact. Moreover, the core functions as not only a staryu’s source of power besides the organs located at the tips of its arms but also its main form of communication, as the gem is capable of flashing in specific patterns understood only by other staryu and starmie. Thus, a staryu’s core is a fascinating organ with multiple extremely legitimate purposes and is not there “just to look pretty,” contrary to what some former gym leaders have been telling the schoolchildren of Cerulean City.

Starmie
The Mysterious Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 121
Entry: The evolved form of staryu, by exposure to water stone. In ancient times, the people of Kanto once believed that starmie were really staryu transformed by the reflection of the stars. While this has been found to be completely untrue, starmie do apparently have a connection with space. Specifically, at night, starmie have been known to lie on their backs and shoot radio signals from their jewel-like cores into the sky. While the scientific community is not in agreement with why exactly they do this, the prevailing theory is, of course, aliens.

Frillish and Jellicent

Frillish
The Floating Pokémon
Type: Water/Ghost
Official Registration #: 592
Entry: This mysterious, jellyfish-like pokémon floats close to the surface of warm seas. When in close proximity to its prey—which consists of anything with a large enough reservoir of life force, humans included and especially—they reach up with their veil-like tentacles, paralyze their target with poison, and drag their stunned victims into the depths of the ocean. For this reason, in Unova, this pokémon is feared as a highly dangerous predator. However, in Johto, where local stories involve seabirds that generate hurricanes with a slight flap of their wings, this pokémon is prized as something that’s highly delicious when brined, dried, and served with vegetables and a little bit of vinegar.

Jellicent
The Floating Pokémon
Type: Water/Ghost
Official Registration #: 593
Entry: The evolved form of frillish, by battle experience. It is said that ships that wander into jellicent territory are doomed to be sunk, with all hands on deck lost. This is true in Unova, but ships from more eastern regions have been far luckier. Research has gone into why this might be, but the author already has a pretty solid theory: misplaced retribution over the fact that some of us brine, dry, and serve their preevolved forms with vegetables and a little bit of vinegar.

Unova Legendaries, Part III

Keldeo
The Colt Pokémon
Type: Water/Fighting
Official Registration #: 647
Entry: According to legends, Keldeo is known for two things: first, its ability to run across the surface of oceans and rivers by using its ability to emit jets of water from its hooves, and second, its desire to join the Swords of Justice. It wanders across the globe and battles using its highly acrobatic style in order to someday prove itself to the other three members of the legendary group. In that sense, Keldeo may be seen as a metaphor for pokémon training, including and especially regarding its journey to prove itself to figures who are questionable role models at best. And yes, this author is in fact referring to certain members of the Pokémon League who shall remain nameless but whose names rhyme with “Balder,” “Brimsley,” and “Hauntal.”

Corsola

Corsola
The Coral Pokémon
Type: Water/Rock
Official Registration #: 222
Entry: A vibrantly colored coral-like pokémon that dwells in warm, shallow seas. Although this pokémon can be highly mobile, it prefers congregating into massive colonies not far from sandy, warm beaches and staying there. This behavior is so well-known that humans feel perfectly safe building entire communities atop corsola forests, and pokémon frequently make nests in corsola’s sturdy horns. However, due to rising ocean temperatures, corsola’s normally brilliant colors have been fading, and its normally sturdy arms—which shed naturally at a rate of once per year—have begun shedding more frequently every year. All of these signs are key indicators of an oncoming drop in corsola populations as corsola devote more time and energy to self-preservation than breeding. Or, at least, this is what scientific experts say. According to Unovan politicians, meanwhile, the weather changes all the time, and corsola are known for being lazy pokémon that have absolutely no overall impact on our ecology, so what’s a few corsola, anyway?