Dearest Bill, I have come into contact with a somewhat injured Pokemon, but I as of right now do not know what this Pokemon is. It was too hurt to move to the pokemon center, but I have managed to bring it to stable levels, and it is resting, as of now. Forgive me for being a little out of the loop, as I moved from Sinnoh, but, pray tell…. Do you know the proper methods for taking care of a pokemon known as “Thundurus?”

As a matter of fact, I do!

The first thing you should do when taking care of Thundurus is nurse him back to peak physical health. I would advise having a Nurse Joy perform a house call in order to get the best advice for this situation.

Then, when Thundurus has recovered enough to fly and hold his own in battle, release him back into the wild—honestly why are so many of you intent on seeing the catastrophic destruction of our world?!

Shuppet and Banette

bills-pokedex:

Shuppet
The Puppet Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 353
Entry: This handkerchief-like pokémon floats through the air at night, feeding off negative emotions. It’s particularly attracted to overwhelming feelings of jealousy, vindictiveness, or general anger, and it will congregate with many other shuppet under the eaves of houses where someone is experiencing particularly strong variations of these emotions. For that reason, if you see entire flocks of these pokémon nestled along the gutters of a house, it’s very likely that inside resides a murderer, a scorned lover, or a teenager going through the Hoennian public high school system.

I’m going to assume you’re not thinking of anyone in particular. —LH

…I’ve tried for the past half an hour to come up with something witty to say in response, but I’ve realized saying any one of the things that came to mind would result in terrible, terrible consequences. —Bill

Good boy. —LH

Banette
The Marionette Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 354
Entry: The evolved form of shuppet, by battle experience. This doll-like pokémon is said to have been the reanimated remnants of a discarded toy, given new life by cursed energies trapped within it. Powered by its need for either vengeance or closure, it moves at night, supposedly to seek out its former owner. Typically, when presented with a name that reminds him of one of his colleagues, the author would make a witty comment involving that pokémon and said colleague, but seeing as only one system administrator has a name that rhymes with “banette” and seeing as the author realizes going down this route would be a terrible idea, he’s just going to leave the entry at that. It is a cursed doll pokémon and nothing more, and there is absolutely nothing funny to point out about it. Yes.

Okay, now you’re pushing it. —LH

Mega Banette
The Marionette Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 354+
Entry: The advanced form of banette, via banettite. Upon mega evolution, banette gains a considerable boost in its ability to command spiritual energies. Unfortunately, the sheer amount of spiritual power that floods this pokémon can be overwhelming to banette new to mega evolution, and the result may involve an outpour of negative energy that may inadvertently curse those around it. Thus, although tamed banette can be sweet and loyal pokémon who would go to the ends of the earth to protect their partners, many think of its advanced form as a terrifying creature of the night. Much like certain other people the author knows whose names might just rhyme with “banette.”

Flattery gets you nowhere, Bill. Certainly not misaimed flattery. —LH

Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying. —Bill

I’m not sure you did… —LH

Is there only one spiritomb? Or are they just all made up of exactly 108 spirits?

Actually, there can be a wide number of spirits within one spiritomb. Many only contain one or a handful; others might contain ten, twenty, or more. There has even been a spiritomb on record that contained as many as 1000 spirits in it at once, although the keystone that held it together was barely holding itself together at that point. (The spiritomb unfortunately passed on shortly after its birth, but not without inflicting quite a bit of damage on the Sinnohan countryside.)

The “standard” 108 count is actually just a common number in folklore that just happened to coincide with the first spiritomb ever recorded. Mere coincidence, more or less.

Hey Bill! I’ve been considering getting a Corsola, but I am a worrywart of a trainer and the reason I can’t decide to get one or not is due to Mareanies. I don’t want to force my Corsola to always stay within eye sight, but I am afraid what could happen if they ran into their natural predetor, and wonder if there is any way I could help Corsola counter or look less attractive as a meal to a Mareanie?

The best advice I could possibly offer in this situation is informing you that corsola can learn Calm Mind, Psychic, and Earthquake via the TM system and that the mareanie line is part poison.

(Well, that and mareanie tend to be rare outside of Alola, so you may not have much to worry about at all.)

Best of luck, anonymous!

Speaking of Conferences, have you heard of the one year at Sinnoh’s Lily of the Valley Conference where the winner was a rather gloomy looking young man who had a Darkrai and Latios on his Team? Did that seem Controversial to you, given your stance on leaving Legendaries and Mythicals alone?

Oh, are you referring to that time a trainer recklessly endangered the lives of an entire stadium full of spectators by exposing thousands of people to the powers of Darkrai, lord of nightmares?

I have no opinion.

More like he’s been asked not to share it anymore because no one else should be subjected to two and a half hours of Bill McKenzie’s righteous fury. —LH

You say that as if it’s not justified (for once)! —Bill

Hi Bill! I have a darling little Sableye and I try to give him a good mineral rich diet but I was wondering about special treats. I would love to be able to afford rare gems for him but not realistic. Would sugar gems or rock candy be an okay treat for my Sableye? I thought he would like the crunchy texture. Thanks!

Actually, this (that is, being able to give a sableye rock candy in lieu of actual rocks) is a common misconception, but the truth is that sugar is not the best thing for a sableye’s health. It doesn’t digest it like we do, and it can build up in its digestive system, leading to certain health problems.

Instead, consider offering cheap crystals such as polished quartz, which you may be able to find in bulk for less than $10 online. Alternatively, glass (so long as you’ve sanded the edges) and ceramic (same) can work just as well, although they’re not quite as nutritional as tumbled crystals.

Hi Bill, it’s that photo-happy Rotom again, bzzrt! Your advice really helped, and I’m no longer a photophile! Though… I have a new problem. My Trainer’s girlfriend keeps taking selfies using my favorite camera, bzzrt, and will burn up all the memory before I can sneak a couple of shots. Any idea how I can stop her, short of a Thunder Wave?

Hello again! Glad to hear that my advice helped!

As for your current conundrum, might I suggest communicating with your trainer? Your trainer is perhaps your best liaison between his girlfriend and you, so if anyone can convey just how special that camera is to you, it would be him. The worst case scenario is, of course, that he ends up having to buy her a camera as well, but luckily, I’ve been told that mini cameras are still rather cheap on PokéBay.

Best of luck, little rotom!

What are some of the biggest/best Pokemon battling tournaments to participate in? What are the requirements to participate in them? What sort of trainers compete in these tournaments?

Well, if we’re talking about tournaments anyone can participate in, you can get no bigger than the annual league conferences, anonymous. You may already know this, but each year, participants in every region’s Pokémon League who have earned a minimum of eight badges gather together to battle and determine who’s the best of the best for that particular year. While each of these tournaments are equally challenging, I must say I’m a little partial to Johto’s Silver Conference and Kanto’s Indigo Plateau Conference myself. (Then again, I am also horrendously biased, so take this opinion with a grain of salt. My partner, who is slightly less biased, considers both to be dull and finds the Lumiose Conference far more interesting for reasons I believe have to do with the fact that Professor Sycamore is often in attendance.)

[That would be your reason for watching it with me. —LH]

Outside of the conferences, there are also annual exhibition matches in every region between members of the Elite Four, plus the world-famous Pokémon World Tournament of Unova, which pits gym leaders against one another and the champion of Unova. Additionally, under very special circumstances, a trainer who’s earned eight badges may go up against a region’s Elite Four and champion in the Elite Four Gauntlet, which is frequently a televised event as well (mostly because the winner of the gauntlet is traditionally crowned the next regional champion).

Additionally, if you’re willing to stretch the definition of “battling,” coordinators also get their own version of conferences with the grand festivals, such as the Hoenn Grand Festival, which is the oldest (although it’s commonly thought that the Wallace Cup is both bigger and more exciting than any grand festival in existence).

As for requirements, practically anyone can participate in the league conferences and grand festivals. All you need is the appropriate number of badges or ribbons from officially sanctioned gyms and contest halls to enter. Traditionally, this means eight badges or five ribbons, but there are exceptions. (Competing in the Orange Islands’ Champion Battle, for example, only requires that a trainer earn four badges before arriving at Pummelo Island. The Wallace Cup, meanwhile, has no such requirement at all, as its ribbon instead counts towards any circuit’s requirements for entry into the regional grand festival.) Meanwhile, the exhibition matches are obviously not open for the public and are instead performed between select groups of trainers, usually Elite Four or gym leaders. There was only one recorded instance of a regular trainer participating in the Pokémon World Tournament, but this was more of an extenuating circumstance.

The gauntlet, meanwhile, is a bit trickier to get into. While in theory, anyone can join, in practice, it involves not only earning the eight badges but also clearing the Victory Road challenge and then … arranging a battle with all five members of the gauntlet. Yes, I realize that sounds anticlimactic, but when it comes to the Pokémon League, there is no bigger challenge to a trainer than utter bureaucracy.

(On a serious note, Victory Road is traditionally the most dangerous place in each region, so by the time you’ve gotten through to the end, you’ve more than proven yourself worthy of a battle with the gauntlet. This is why the next step is pretty much getting them to agree to battle you.)

Besides those, there are of course local tournaments, such as Johto’s Whirl Cup (a tournament for water-type specialists that takes place around the Whirl Islands), but these tend to have fanbases that are confined to their respective regions, even if some of them (such as the Whirl Cup) are almost as large as the regional conference. Practically anyone can participate in these tournaments, but oftentimes, they’ll have certain rules that restrict trainers to specific types or specific kinds of pokémon. For example, the Whirl Cup, as a tournament exclusively for water-type specialists, only allows you to battle with water-types, although you only need a minimum of two to participate. (The first round involves a one-on-one match, whereas the second is two-on-two. Of course, it’s best to have a full team of six to choose from when you register for the tournament, but you could quite literally get away with the minimum number of two and still win.) Other tournaments, of course, vary rather wildly, so chances are if you’ve heard of it on your travels through each region, it may be worth it to look into—and even then, be sure to check the rules thoroughly before entering.

Best of luck!

Hi! My rockruff has recently evolved into a Midnight, and seems to have taken joy in newfound pointy bits, and has started clawing, nibbling, and grinding his stone outcroppings against walls and cabinet doors, and I don’t know why. My roommates are understandably upset about this, despite our apartment being preemptively reinforced by maintenance. They insist that either I neuter him or grind down his claws and rocks, and neither sounds necessary or ethical, respectively. What do you think?

Actually, I quite agree with you: it’s not necessary. In fact, in some cases, this can lead to long-term pain.

With that in mind, allow me to explain what’s going on with your lycanroc first. In practically every evolution, a pokémon undergoes a certain adjustment period. Some pokémon endure this period better than others and are able to adjust to their bodies within a few hours. Others may be clumsy, may underestimate their new boosts in power (or find it difficult to control), or, like your lycanroc, find new body parts uncomfortable. Think of it like teething. Your lycanroc’s rocky “pointy bits” (as it were) may be a little sore around the bases or otherwise more tender than they look, so your lycanroc is relieving aches and discomfort by “teething” … or, well, rubbing up against anything he can.

Luckily, there is a way to alleviate this problem. First, you can train him to “teeth” on something a bit more appropriate. Whenever you catch him rubbing or clawing (or biting) something he shouldn’t, give him a firm “no” and then immediately follow by giving him an object he can rub, bite, or claw, such as a rock, a toy, or (if you can bring him outside fast enough) an old stump or tree. Do this enough times, and he’ll learn that there is a difference between destroyable objects and off-limits objects.

Second and more importantly, if the pain lasts for more than a week, take him to see your local Nurse Joy. It may be that some skin or tissue is still caught around the base of his claws or mane or that some of his fangs have yet to erupt. Your local pokémon center should be able to “guide” the outcroppings and fangs into place or at least prescribe a few topical medications to soften or numb the skin enough for your lycanroc’s body to adjust.

Best of luck!