Dear Bill, I live about a mile outside Fortree city. Last night, I wake up to hear my Guard Lycanroc raising cain. I go out, thinking it’s some plusle and minun harassing them, but instead, i find a pair of Eon Chicks, no older than maybe a month. I hadn’t heard of Eon pokemon living in my area, so i worry they might be the victims of poachers. Any advice on how to care for them until i get a letter to the Fortree Nurse Joy? Also, another matter of concern that i’ll dedicate another ask to CONT.

Well, first and foremost, it’s perhaps a bad idea to seek help for emergencies through my ask box, as one reader unfortunately found out

That having been said, though, your first step should be to call the local center and the Fortree authorities, not send them a letter. It’s faster that way, and all pokémon centers have their own phone lines. Likewise, it’s rare these days for a home, even one on the edge of civilization, to have no means of communicating rapidly with the nearest hospital or center for emergencies, and most trainers in Hoenn should have a phone system built into their pokénavs. This isn’t an attempt to shame you, of course, anonymous. It’s simply to say that you are (or were, anyway) dealing with an emergency, so it’s quite honestly more appropriate to reach out to your emergency services.

With that having been said, allow me to address the eon hatchlings first. Take a good look at the surrounding area. If they’re alone, then it’s probably best to leave them alone unless one (or both) of them is(/are) injured. Poachers are unlikely to leave something as rare as a pair of eon hatchlings alone, even if a gardevoir is nearby. Not that I know this from personal experience (I quite frankly detest the entire practice of poaching, let alone the sale of pokémon outside of sanctioned breeders), but eon hatchlings can be highly profitable to certain types of individuals if sold on the pokémon black market. So if a pair of hatchlings are completely alone, it’s more likely that their parents are nearby, which can pose a threat to you, as they may likely attack in order to protect their young. (This might also have something to do with the gardevoir’s state.) Alternatively, if the eon hatchlings are fully feathered and capable of refracting light off their down, then they’re not actually hatchlings at all but instead a fledgling and are actually fully independent at this stage. Either way, it’s best to leave them alone.

If, however, you see humans nearby, contact your local authorities and keep an eye on the humans’ activity but keep your distance at the same time. Poachers are highly dangerous and quite often armed with more than just pokémon. It’s best to let the authorities handle this.

As for the gardevoir, while she’ll survive without her skirt, she’ll need immediate medical attention to avoid complications, especially if the skirt was severed close to its roots (that is, close to her major organs). Even if the wounds were cauterized, she’ll nonetheless need a thorough examination and quite possibly treatment for anything from blood poisoning to internal bleeding, never mind possible surgery to minimize pain. In short, please take this gardevoir to your nearest pokémon center immediately.

That having been said, as a reminder to readers, the ask box is not for immediate advice. If you’ve encountered an emergency, please seek help with your local authorities or emergency medical services, whichever is more appropriate.

Absol

bills-pokedex:

[[Writer’s Note: In light of yesterday’s entry, I have been informed by my editor, partner, and dearest friend L.H. that I am not funny and that I am to apologize and write a proper entry in response to my equally dear follower, @anonabsolxwolf. Thus, I present to you, my readers, the entry for the day and my sincerest pleas for forgiveness. Bill]]

Absol
The Disaster Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 359
Entry: A mountain-dwelling pokémon with the ability to foretell disasters. In ancient legend, absol—then referred to as the hakutaku—foretold that a deadly plague would sweep across the Hoenn region and that only a very specific herb found on the side of Mt. Pyre would be able to cure it. For this reason, Hoennians worshipped absol as a guardian spirit of herbal medicine for several centuries until modern Western medicine was introduced to the region. Absol’s prophecies for various natural disasters are still accurate, of course, but humanity has an unfortunate tendency to ignore voices of reason during times of desperation. In short, absol has gone from being a guardian spirit of herbal medicine to the patron saint of underappreciated minds whose reasonable advice goes unheeded by the Pokémon Association.

[[Editor’s Note: You are still not funny, Bill. —LH]]

Mega Absol
The Disaster Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 359+
Entry: The advanced form of absol, via absolite. Thanks to mega evolution, absol’s spiritual abilities are heightened considerably, making its ability to predict disaster particularly accurate. Strangely, while these heightened abilities do indeed make it a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, not too long ago, absol had found even more popularity among a certain other subculture fond of dark creatures with (admittedly non-functional in this case) angel wings, demon horns, and the ability to foresee dark events. In other words, in a sense, absol has become the patron saint of gothic lolitas and online fanfiction authors circa 2006.

Bill, I understand your mother used to be a Kimono Girl. Would you know any pokémon good in traditional, slower dance that aren’t part of the Eevee line?

One thing to keep in mind about this question is that there are several types of Johtonian traditional dances that encompass a pretty large spectrum of purposes, traditions, and tones. While one might assume that “slower” would narrow down the field a bit, in truth, what’s more important to traditional dance is the intent, rather than the reputation of the pokémon involved; it’s possible, for example, to teach a scizor, a pokémon known for its speed, a slower dance if that’s necessary.

Just about the only true, consistent rule among all Johtonian dances is that the pokémon involved must have been obtainable among the entertainment and religious classes during our feudal era. That of course doesn’t restrict dancers to just pokémon listed in the Johto Regional Dex; rather, it restricts them to what was actually either native or easily imported at the time. (Eevee had been a common domestic pokémon since recorded history. The going theory is that they arrived here with merchants back when we traded with China, before our isolationist period.) Well, that and the pokémon must fit and dance on a stage in the first place, which means gyarados and members of the onix line are right out, as are some of the less nimble pokémon, such as forretress and meganium. Chikorita and bayleef are still fine, however.

With that lengthy preamble in mind, I’ll just quickly say that practically every pokémon has been used within the entertainment classes—that is, within the Jouto kabuki and Noh theaters. Of the two, Jouto Noh tended (and still tends) to employ more humanoid pokémon such as jynx, as the dance style of Noh theater requires participants to move in very precise, often synchronized fashions. Jouto kabuki, by contrast, is a little less rigid in nature (not saying that Noh is unenjoyable to watch, of course), and as such, there’s more creative freedom when it comes to choreography.

There is, of course, a third general type of dance for entertainment purposes—the Jouto buyo—which differs from the above in that whereas Noh and kabuki use dance to tell a story, the point of Jouto buyo is entertainment derived from the dance itself. (To give you a better idea of what this is, it’s often the form of dance foreigners associate with our form of geisha. Kimono girls, when not participating in ritualistic dance, often perform this as well.) Nonetheless, there is often a point or underlying meaning to each dance, usually associated with nature, and a dancer will often choose a pokémon that closely relates to such a meaning. For example, one of the most famous of these dances, the Sakura Dance, is often performed with bellossom, vileplume, or sunflora, due to their abilities to use Petal Dance and Petal Blizzard to enhance the performance while still keeping up with the dancer herself.

Outside the theater, though, dance takes on an entirely different and perhaps far more intimate meaning to Johtonian culture. You see, a lot of our art is derived from our belief system, and by extent, dance and music is often considered our means of communication with our gods, the spirits, the natural world, or some combination thereof. In other words, most Johtonian dances have meanings to them, and what message you wish to convey to the natural or spiritual worlds will often dictate which pokémon you can incorporate into your routine.

For example, the reason why the kimono girls of Ecruteak City, my mother included, relied on eevee and its evolutions is because those pokémon are closely tied with Ho-oh. It’s said that eevee can evolve into “a different color of the rainbow” (that is, a form that matches Ho-oh’s seven colors), so dances meant to communicate directly to Ho-oh are either done by eevee trainers or performed alongside eevee and its evolutions to evoke Ho-oh’s rainbow—and only by either of these. (There are other rules, of course. For example, men can’t perform the dance because it’s said men angered the gods enough to drive them to destroy Lugia’s roost and chase both birds from Ecruteak City, so if you’re male and you don’t have an eevee … you’ll have to be content with prayers at a shrine.)

The other gods, of course, are less strict about what you can and can’t use. For example, dances meant to honor or pray to Celebi can be performed with any pokémon that can normally be caught in Ilex Forest, although butterfree, beedrill, and golduck tend to be the most popular for their grace. Additionally, Celebi is said to be fond of “baby” pokémon, so some dancers employ pichu, smoochum, or togepi instead. As another example, dances dedicated to the legendary trio are often done with pokémon of matching elements to the specific legendary being honored (water-types such as starmie for Suicune, fire-types such as magmar for Entei, and electric-types such as ampharos for Raikou—with those three being particularly popular), and Lugia is often honored with dances that incorporate flying-type pokémon’s wind-based techniques (with many dancers choosing noctowl or xatu as partners).

Our festivals, too, often involve pokémon dancers that are closely linked to the dance’s purpose. Take our agricultural festivals, for example. (That is, take any one of them. Many Johtonian cities have more than one, with the exception being the coastal cities of Goldenrod, Cianwood, and Olivine, all of which were originally merchant or fishing settlements closely tied to seafaring festivals.) The agricultural festivals were often designed to either pray for rain and fertile grounds or give thanks for bountiful harvest thanks to these two things, so dances often called for either water- or ground-type pokémon—often both. As such, members of the wooper line are often vital to the more agricultural cities of Johto. Some towns also use grass-types, such as and especially bellossom and bellsprout, to encourage healthy crops. Poison-types are absolutely never used (with the exception of bellsprout, of course)—even if they’re partially grass-types—nor are fire-types, as using either is said to curse the crop to either never grow or to grow withered and inedible.

On the other hand, fishing and seafaring dances (as you would see in Cianwood, for example) may employ flying-type pokémon (such as noctowl again) to pray for good winds, water-type pokémon (usually golduck or starmie) for smooth sailing and bountiful seas, or simply normal-types (such as meowth) for luck. It’s taboo in those cases to use ground-, grass-, or rock-type pokémon, as these are thought to instill bad luck on a village’s fleet (because using these pokémon is asking for a ship to be “sent to the earth”—or, in other words, to sink).

With both types of dances, fighting- and psychic-types are often also employed to represent either humans (the fighting-types) or Lugia and Celebi (the psychics). Fairy-types are rarely if ever used because it’s said their fairy magic is volatile and unpredictable and thus could interfere with the meaning of the dance. They are used, however, in winter festivals, festivals to honor children, or festivals that are, in general, meant to celebrate life or bless a village with good luck. (Thus, they’re especially popular during new year festivals. Togepi and clefairy especially so, due to their supposed abilities to grant happiness upon those who see or care for them.)

Otherwise, many of the other festivals employ a vast array of different pokémon. Ice-types such as jynx and sneasel for winter dances (although dark-types are never used during the new year festivals to avoid inviting bad luck or evil spirits to a settlement), electric-types for summer dances, and so on and so forth. Just about the only type that’s universally considered to be taboo to use is the ghost-type, as these are only to be used for funerals and in festivals dedicated to the dead (because dancing with ghost-types traditionally represents dancing with actual spirits). It should be noted, of course, that for us, this isn’t exactly a somber event; rather, honoring our ancestors or the spirits of the dead in general is considered to be a celebration due to our culture’s emphasis on celebrating the good things done in life and the meaning of life itself. Thus, these dances can be a bit more colorful than Westerners may imagine, and the pokémon themselves tend to feel honored to participate.

So in short, it really depends on which dance you’re referring to or what you need to convey through dance. For the most part, pretty much anything that’s small enough to fit on stage and nimble enough to keep up with a dancer is fair game.

Bill, I’m in an interesting situation. My Espeon is a Pokemon a befriended the “old fashioned” way. She doesn’t have a pokeball, basically. I scheduled an appointment to have her spayed, and on the day of, she escaped! We located Her a few weeks later and immediately went for that appointment… only to find she has a litter on the way now! What do I do with a litter of eevees I wasn’t expecting?!

Well, anonymous, you can do what I always do and offload them onto your friends and trustworthy-looking trainers.

Edit: My editor has informed me that this is a terrible idea, but I respectfully counter with the fact that all of those eevee, as far as I’m aware, are still alive and happy with the people I’ve given them to.

Should any of us tell him we offloaded his eevee onto other trainers? —Bebe

No, let him live his life. Just add in a note about considering humane pokémon shelters or leaving them with pokémon centers in the tags or something. —LH

Asks/Submissions Now Open!

Hello, everyone!

Thank you again for your patience! Your months of waiting has finally paid off, dear readers. We have finally opened the ask box back up, and we are now ready to take your questions.

Please keep in mind, though, that questions that we’ve already answered or feel are related to questions we’ve already answered may be deleted, so before anything else, be sure to check our new FAQ, as well as tags related to the subject you might be interested in.

Other things that may be deleted:

1. Questions about whether or not we’ve received your ask. (The answer is very likely yes.)

2. Questions about why we haven’t answered your ask yet. (We apologize, but we often end up with a backlog, as much as we try to avoid this.)

3. Duplicate questions (specifically, copies of questions sent several hours apart from one another).

4. Questions that we can’t actually answer due to a lack of information. (Although we are impressed with how much information some of you have concerning certain legendary pokémon.)

Otherwise, thank you again, and have fun!

The Snover Line

bills-pokedex:

Snover
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 459
Entry: Although this short pokémon strongly resembles a snow-covered tree throughout the year, it is actually highly responsive to the seasons. For one, it migrates: in the warmer months, it migrates to the top of its mountainous habitat to live in the colder climes, whereas during the colder months, it migrates to the food-rich foothills to breed. Likewise, during the spring, just before it makes its journey up the mountain, it sprouts berries the texture of frozen treats all over its belly and chest. … The author highly suggests that you do not put too much thought into the second trait.

Abomasnow
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 460
Entry: The evolved form of snover, by battle experience. These giant snow monsters are known for their reclusiveness and protectiveness towards their own kind. To protect themselves and their newborn snover, they whip up giant blizzards to conceal their location. In that way, their snover may get up and migrate up their mountainous territory in peace. Travelers who wander through these abomasnow-induced blizzards may stumble across what appear to be moving parts of forests. On the negative side, this greatly increases those travelers’ chances of getting horribly lost within the dizzying, bitter-cold storm. On the positive side, such a sight is incredible to behold if the traveler is on the right combination of psychoactive substa

Actually, never mind.

Mega Abomasnow
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 460+
Entry: The advanced form of abomasnow, via abomasite. Upon mega evolution, abomasnow not only gains a considerable boost in its ability to command ice and a special ability that calls down hail storms but also a fearsome, quadrupedal appearance and the predilection of defending its mountain territories by charging downhill towards intruders. In other words, abomasnow mega evolves into the living nightmare of anyone unfortunate enough to have played SkiFree.

The Weedle Line

bills-pokedex:

Weedle
The Hairy Bug Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 13
Entry: Weedle uses its sensitive and prominent proboscis to locate and separate its favorite leaves to eat from its least favorite leaves. All weedle have very specific leaf preferences, as well as acute senses of smell in order to sort leaves on the forest floor based on these preferences. If anyone finds this at all strange or unusual, the writer would like to remind his audience that humanity’s own obsession with gardening has resulted in over 7500 different types of tomato, and if you use the wrong type for sauce, your sister who possesses far more culinary talents than you will ever have will ensure that you are painfully aware of what, precisely, each of those 7500 different varieties of tomato are for.

Kakuna
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 14
Entry: The evolved form of weedle, by battle experience. In this stage of its evolutionary line, kakuna are strictly preparing for evolution and therefore remain nearly immobile. However, it is important to note that “nearly immobile” is not the same as “actually and completely immobile,” and should you accidentally stumble onto an entire tree covered with kakuna, said kakuna will extend their poison barbs through their shells in order to remind you of what that difference is.

Beedrill
The Poison Bee Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 15
Entry: The evolved form of kakuna, by battle experience. Quite obviously, training a weedle to its beedrill stage takes a lot of determination and audacity. This is not only because the kakuna stage is nearly immobile, therefore requiring a trainer to exert the patience needed to help their kakuna cultivate the experience required for evolution, but also because the resulting beedrill is a fiercely territorial and aggressive creature armed with three potently venomous stingers each measuring a foot long. Trainers who wish to keep beedrill are highly advised to keep healthy stocks of antidotes, pecha berries, and whatever they feel would be best to sedate a three-foot-tall bee that can fly at one’s face at violently high speeds.

Mega Beedrill
The Poison Bee Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 15+
Entry: The advanced form of beedrill, via beedrillite. Mega evolution forces beedrill to sacrifice their ability to launch distance attacks for a considerable boost in speed and physical strength. To reinforce this trade-off, beedrill gains a more aerodynamic body that’s far more nimble at dodging the trees of its forest habitat than its base form, and its stingers not only grow but also multiply until each individual mega beedrill possesses five razor-sharp stingers each at least a foot long. Strangely, the leader of the Cerulean Gym did not find this as fascinating as the author did.

Hoenn Legendaries, Part III

bills-pokedex:

Latias
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 380
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latias live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. Each latias is highly sensitive to human emotions, can understand human speech, communicates telepathically, and possesses coats of reflective down that can alter their appearance or render them invisible. Needless to say, these abilities in combination have caused much romantic confusion in the human race since the latias have first discovered us, and there is, indeed, an internet subculture dedicated to this exact breed of confusion.

Latios
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 381
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latios live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. These highly intelligent pokémon are capable of flying at mach speeds and telepathically coercing subjects into seeing whatever they see in their minds. Often born alongside a sister latias, latios are generally pacifist in nature … except when their twins “interact” with rather seedy-looking humans, at which point, they often use their considerable abilities to eliminate the perceived threat. Which, honestly, makes latios a pokémon the author can sympathize with greatly.

Mega Latios
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 381+
Entry: The advanced form of latios, via latiosite. Contrary to popular belief, the change in this pokémon’s appearance does not indicate a significant boost in speed, nor does it lend any particular aerodynamic quality to the overall pokémon. Instead, it only boosts certain capabilities inherent in this pokémon’s genetic makeup, meaning it becomes even more capable of working in tandem with its sibling species. In other words, the physiological changes merely indicate the heightened ability to work as one unit with a mega latixs’s respective partner.

Bill… —LH

Hoenn Legendaries, Part III

bills-pokedex:

Latias
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 380
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latias live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. Each latias is highly sensitive to human emotions, can understand human speech, communicates telepathically, and possesses coats of reflective down that can alter their appearance or render them invisible. Needless to say, these abilities in combination have caused much romantic confusion in the human race since the latias have first discovered us, and there is, indeed, an internet subculture dedicated to this exact breed of confusion.

Latios
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 381
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latios live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. These highly intelligent pokémon are capable of flying at mach speeds and telepathically coercing subjects into seeing whatever they see in their minds. Often born alongside a sister latias, latios are generally pacifist in nature … except when their twins “interact” with rather seedy-looking humans, at which point, they often use their considerable abilities to eliminate the perceived threat. Which, honestly, makes latios a pokémon the author can sympathize with greatly.

Mega Latias
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 380+
Entry: The advanced form of latias, via latiasite. Contrary to popular belief, the change in this pokémon’s appearance does not indicate a significant boost in speed, nor does it lend any particular aerodynamic quality to the overall pokémon. Instead, it only boosts certain capabilities inherent in this pokémon’s genetic makeup, meaning it becomes even more capable of working in tandem with its sibling species. In other words, the physiological changes merely indicate the heightened ability to work as one unit with a mega latixs’s respective partner.

Kalos Legendaries, Part I

bills-pokedex:

Carbink
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 703
Entry: A small, imp-like pokémon native to the caves of Kalos. Having slept underground for millions of years, the minerals in its body has been tempered by the pressures and temperatures of the earth itself into precious stones, most notably pure diamond. Interestingly enough, despite supposedly being related to a legendary pokémon, carbink are not considered to be legendaries themselves and are in fact fairly common in their native cave systems, which in turn means their diamonds are not particularly rare. In conclusion, for those of you who are interested in female-identifying people, the old saying “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” is terrible advice, but “chocolate is a girl’s best friend” is usually not. Just a friendly tip.

Diancie
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 719
Entry: According to Kalosean myth, this small, princess-like pokémon is the legendary of jewels. As such, it has the power to create diamonds by compressing the carbon in the air around it. Additionally, it is not only said to be the sudden transformation of carbink (through a surge of magical fairy energy), but it is also capable of mega evolving into an even more regal and powerful form. And on that note, the author is sorely tempted to make a reference to magical girls here, but unfortunately, the internet has beaten him to literally every possible one conceivable.

Mega Diancie
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 719+
Entry: The advanced form of diancie, via diancite. Despite being a mythical pokémon, diancie has gained a considerable amount of popularity among girls, purely for its magical girl-like mega evolution, and consequently, mega diancie is featured in quite a few Japanese animated cartoons, including and most notably the hugely popular franchise Crystal Knight Mega Diancie. Unfortunately, this also means that mega diancie is considerably popular among certain types of older anime fans, and suffice to say, the author strongly urges one to never look into the Crystal Knight Mega Diancie subreddit.